I thought it was just a phase - Separation Anxiety overdrive

[Lychees]

Hello, I'm a second time Mum after some advice about dealing with separation anxiety. DS was very sociable and outgoing so the separation anxiety phase was short-lived. However, DD has always been clingy and it can get very wearing at times. If I get up to put my cup of tea out of reach, she cries. If I've been sitting on the floor with her and get numb legs, when I get up for a stretch she cries. I only get things done without her crying if she is on my hip. I cannot even wash up without her crying despite her sitting next to me and me talking and singing to her. I take her to regular playgroups and to friends' houses but I have to sit on the floor or hold her for her to be comfortable enough to play. She's 17 months now and I'm a SAHM this time around so she is not starved of my attention especially with DS being at school now.

Funnily enough, she is supposedly fine if I'm not at home and she is left with her Dad and on the rare occasion when I've left her with my parents, she's been fine, too. I'm loathed to spend money on childcare when I'm not intending to go back to work just yet. I can't leave her more often with her Dad as he works long hours and it would mean less family time together and I can't leave her with family very often either as we don't live near anyone but I'm not what else I can do to help her realise that she is not still a part of me. How can I help build up her confidence?

sounds harsh but when you're washing up, have you tried putting a stairgate across the door so she literally cannot climb up your legs and grapple with your bum cheeks whilst crying?? (12mo DS does this, it's very wearing and makes any daily household tasks impossible). I have decided to get a bit tough with DS this week.....he gets lots of love and attention from me, but sometimes I need to wash up, or cut up veg, or cook dinner and he has to learn to leave me alone! First couple of days he just crawled over to stairgate and clung onto it wailing and shouting at me, but I just calmly said, we will have a cuddle in a minute darling, mummy is cutting up your dinner now and then ignored him. Put radio on louder than normal to drown out the moaning! After a couple of days of this he soon got bored and crawled off to play with a ball...! Sometimes I think you have to be a bit cruel to be kind with these things.

also, my SIL said that around the 14-15mo mark she had to start ignoring her LOs when they crawled up to her legs moaning in the house got it was just doing her head in....after a few days of being a bit harsh and not always picking them up, they soon got the message and would just potter off to look at a toy. Her husband never really got his head around doing this and now at 2 and 3yo the girls still know their daddy will always pick them up no matter what and lo and behold, they hang off his legs whining all day...! They don't do it so much with their mum any more though!

Hasten to add, I am not saying ignore your daughter all the time! Just when you need to get something done. Obviously if she has hurt herself, or is tired/poorly or whatever then (or if you're not busy and happy to sit and cuddle) deffo pick her up....but if she is just crying for you for no real reason, you can just leave her I think, with some verbal reassurance. Maybe try it at home for a while where she is most comfortable and safe, before trying it at playdates and play groups etc.

Lychees- my 19 month old is exactly the same. He whines to be picked up. If I even think about leaving the room he whines etc. He is absolutely fine with dad/grandparent etc if I'm not there and he doesn't even whine for them. If Dh and I are there he won't even let Dh hold the spoon it has to be me. He is terrible. I suppose I give in to him as it's easier than listening to him cry so I'm making it worse.

I've started to explain what I'm doing eg mammy's going to toilet then coming straight back etc then just doing it regardless of his reaction. Sometimes he's fine other times not so much. He'll get the hang of it soon hopefully. I need to do it tho as it's getting silly.

Hi. I was searching for a thread to see if anyone else was going through the same thing. My dd2 is 18m. And for the last week has been super clingy. She has always been a mummy's girl as I am a sahm. But it's getting so much worse. I can't put her down without her screaming. My husband can't get near her. She is ok if I am not in the same room but it is so overwhelming at times. All the research says not to ignore it. But to reassure them and it's a phase that will pass. I really hope it does quickly for us both. X