Do you feel guilty saying no......... cos sometime you just cant be bothered???

[stoppinattwo]

somedays the DC's will be pestering me to go to the park or feed the ducks etc etc etc. Sometimes i genuinely cant be bothered. I would never say it and will always give a valid reason but it really makes me feel sooooooooooooooo guilty.
Am I just bad . I work full time and do spend a lot of time with DC's at the weekend and morning/ evening. I sometimes feel tho that I chose to have them and so I shouldnt fob them off with a no just because Im not in the mood.

Does anybody follow what Im saying or am i rambling??

Sometimes DS starts a question, not with "can we," but "when your not busy, could we"

SA2, it sounds like you're not happy with this situation. I was reading how lots of parents tend to say "no" out of habit and then they find good reasons why they've said "no". Try and put yourself in the frame of mind where you say "yes" first. Hmm, sounds easy but I know how tiring it can be.

You know what? Some kids get NO attention EVER and just watch TV and sleep, never read a book, bake a cake, feed a duck and these parents should be feeling guilty (although they are likely to lack the parenting skills to know this and prob had similar upbringings...).
You are doing fine even if you aren't Supermum! I say no to loads of stuff 'cos sometimes I just want to sit down on my fat bum with a cup of tea.

No beacuse that is life, as FloatingOnTheMed says we have rights. If we become someone who just trail around after out kids being a parent will become a rather soul destroying job.

stoppinattwo: good blog post I read today that I thought I'd share - benign neglect about how it's okay for kids to be bored, that it's actually BETTER for them to get used to entertaining themselves from time to time - a great anti-guilt article Don't feel guilty - there'll be other duck trips.

Didn't feel at all bad, until ds1 learnt to say 'oh but please' with big eyes. Wish I'd never taught him manners!

"As soon as play becomes an obligation or a demand, it's not play any more, is it?"

I can so relate to that. I work and I play. But sometimes play has to be fitted in with running a household, working and everything else that life throws at you.

My children are quite independent and play happily amongst themselves but only because they had too. But boy oh boy did I feel guilty. But if needs must, then it just has to be.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I am so tired and completely knackered that I say "No we cannot" and I am past the feeling guilty stage now. We are not superwomen no matter how we would sometimes like to think we are. Superwomen have to have recharges too!

Each to their own. I think the majority of parents give as much time as they can (all things permitting), but, there are times when we just have to say no for our own sanity!

Don't feel guilty SA2 ... well, I know that is easier said than done as 'guilt' is synonymous with Motherhood
I feel guilty sometimes but I know that my DS relies too much on play offered to him rather than making up his own play (he is that kind of child - he is up for anything if it is suggested by someone else) So I am coming from the angle that if I am 'busy' then he will go off and be more imaginative with his time. I usually feel more guilty about DD as she plays really nicely on her own and she does it rather a lot as she is less demanding than her brother and will go off and do her own thing while I am playing with DS.
My mother NEVER played with us, read to us or took us to a park to feed ducks ... she had 4 kids to cook for, wash for etc and all her spare time was spent with a crossword and a cup of coffee/glass of wine (1970s version of me spending time on MN really). But she did do stuff with us that SHE found interesting - visits to stately homes and museums ... so we got something out of it and she got something out of it.
I am rambling but I do think that children these days are too stimulated (school, after school activities, holiday programs etc) that being bored at home is all part of their education and upbringing.
We are just coming to the end of a 2 week school holiday in NZ and apart from a swimming program (half an hour a day for 5 days) which I feel is a life skill, and a couple of playdates, we have done not a lot really - DS and DD have played together, made dens out of cushions, chased eachother around the house, terrorised the cat, played in the garden (lots), done colouring and reading together (DS is 6 so he likes reading to DD who is 2). I have had loads of time on MN and it has been a great couple of weeks

I agree with everything ghosty said.
Isn't giving love & attention enough ?
Besides, by the time we've got dressed, washed up, put a wash on, had a game or a story, its time for lunch.
A quick trip to the park, and its time to prepare dinner.
Thats how our days go, anyway.
Sounds o.k. to me.
Don't feel guilty.

I am in the same situation. I sometimes tell them I am too grumpy or tired after a long day at work and I this that is valid reason enough. Do I feel guilty? No, because I do so much with them that now and again I must be allowed to say no. So are you!

Nowadays I often say that I am too tired or busy or don't feel like whatever it is. Maybe it isn't great of me to do that but it is the truth.

We all have days when we can't be bothered, but then most of us have days where we do a good amount of "optional" stuff to play/entertain/enjoy our dc.

I've recently started using the kitchen timer on days when I'm feeling fed up. I tell dd that we'll play together until the timer goes off, and when the bell rings I will go off and do other stuff. Don't know why but the fact that the play is finite helps tremendously when I'm feeling tired and worn out with it all. She understands/accepts the timer - she feels she's gotten "her" time and doesn't whinge when the time is up, and I don't feel resentful because she's pestering me or guilty that I'm fobbing her off. It's really helped at our house on the "can't be bothered" and the "I have got to get other things done" days. Give it a try.

GeorginaA I read this article and it made me feel soo much better, I said all I wanted to say but so much better, Thanks .

CristinaTheAstonishing your Idea is constructive, I think i will feel much happier if I can think of some better fob off lines

Thanks all for your encouragement, I feel bad enough having to work full time, all your works of understanding make things a little easier

LOL MT

"Mummy so and so has just hit me, WAAAHHH"
SA2 without looking up
"thats nice dear, sweetie stop wacking your sister"