my ds has been vile at school today

[desperateforaholiday]

He's 4 and he can be naughty at times, but today he's gone too far, he's been spitting at the school windows and he's also scratched a boys face as he wanted the toy the other boy was playing with
Im so upset with his behavior, we do discipline him by taking away toys/treats and we talk to him about what is not acceptable.
I just don't know what else to do, I feel I'm failing as a parent.

What do the school do?

there's not a massive amount you can do about behaviour at school, other than reiterate it at home.
how is the school dealing with it?

They made him clean up the spit off the Windows and his teacher is talking to him about the scratching tomorrow, they didn't know he had done it till the other child's parent came to school.

Uh oh. The crooked finger we all dread or '(dcs name here) mummy, I need a word'

I agree with Bunda BTW. The school is doing the punishing here, I would hope.

Does he get any positive attention? You mention punishing bad behaviour, do you also praise good behaviour?

We do, we always tell him how proud we are, how well he's done etc. We do things together after school and at weekends like crafts and baking. After ds2 goes to bed we'll read a story and watch some telly together.

I came on worried that your DS might be the child bullying my DS. But the age is wrong.

It is horrible being on either side of this situation.

I would talk about what happened and ask him why, but at the same time, try to be supportive of the school's position. If you don't agree with something, raise it with the school rather than speaking to your son and criticising the school.

Remember that at 4 especially, you rarely get the whole picture.

I would speak to the school and agree a common approach for both good and bad behaviour.

But don't over worry. He's only 4 and he had a bad day. By no means does this suggest a school career of detentions and visits to the headteacher.

Take care.

I arnt criticising the school, I'm asking for advice on how to deal with my ds behavior. What he's done is wrong and I will fully support the school with whatever they suggest.
I'm at my wits end, other than taking away toys/treats/tv time I don't know what to do. I will be speaking to his teacher tomorrow and see what she says.

i dpon't think you should punish him at home for things that have happened at school.
.he's had his consequence there, and they've dealt with it.

at the end of the day he's only 4! lots of kids are like this and on the whole they grow out of it! esp when they have parents like you who back the school and are on the ball with potential issues.
school is hard work for small kids, and often they act impulsively and do things that seem out of character.

i'm sure he'll be just fine in no time :)

Thanks, I'm just freaking out a bit, he's been really quiet tonight and has said he will say sorry tomorrow.
I just don't want this behavior to carry on or even get worse

Is he young in his year group? My caring, loving if a bit boisterous 4 year old DS2 was like an alien creature in the first term at school. Lots of silly and out of character behaviour. Lots of the "mummy, I need a word" conversations. Worked closely with teacher to ensure consistency. We talked a lot about making good choices and stopping to think. it all had calmed down by the new year. He was just exhausted, emotionally a bit immature and hyper. In yr 1 now and no problems at all. Do not be downhearted, chin up and work through it positively. Praise all the good things, no matter how small

I think i am on same wavelength as bundaberg :)