DD behaviour when tired is awful

[bluboy145]

My DD is 2y8m she has always had a bit of a temper & when she does not get her own way especially If tired she can be awful to deal with. If shes not screaming "go away I don't like you" it's "I hate you mummy" "shut up" she also wees herself! Now I know that it's because she's tired but I just don't know how to handle it. She just seems to get worse no matter what I try. Anyone have any advice?? Thanks x

She sounds absolutely normal. I am afraid the only way to handle it is to make sure she gets enough sleep and has a regular bed time.

Don't let her get to the point where she is overtired and behaving badly.

Thanks for the response. I do try hard to makesure she sleeps in the day. But when we are out she refuses as she don't want to miss out. It's hard because we could've had the best day and then it's like something takes over her & she just goes mad. Maybe she'll just grow out of it. Well I hope so anyway.

Do you take a pushchair when she's due a nap? Wrap her up warm and strap her in to get her to sleep when out.

You need to build in some down time when you're out for the day - it's only a short period of her life that you'll need to do it. That's what I did/do with both of mine.

Have a 'quiet time' every day where she sits still for an hour or an hour and a half. Watching TV or a dvd. (And don't allow TV at other parts of the day, otherwise that adds up to too much telly).
Or, if you don't like using a TV then do quiet activities with her like puzzles or a story together.

Normal,my dd is still like this at 3.5. I think the only answer is to get as much sleep as possible.

3.8yo DD1 is the same. Shouting, refusing to do as she's told, screaming, general awfulness. She's not long dropped her nap and started nursery. I just try to make sure she gets to bed at a sensible time at night.

Stop making excuses for her, children can behave just as nicely when they are tired as when they aren't.

If you don't tolerate her being vile she won't be.

Tired DCs is a myth, invented my parents who are scared to drop naps or vary bed time. Children are actually far more flexible than parents seem to believe.

Not true at all star here. Dd is generally well behaved but at 6pm can't cope and gets naughty only cured by bed at 6.30. It'd be easier for me if she was more flexible. It's a bit odd to think you can know what all children are like.

starballbunny it is most definitely not a myth. I have a 6yr old with sleep apnoea for the second time. He is horrid when tired but for the 8ish months in between being ill he never behaved in the way he has done both times he has been suffering from the sleep disorder. As his apnoea gets worse, so does his behaviour.
Oh, and as a narcolepsy sufferer who is well aware that I get stroppy and behave differently when tired I think you need to accept that it isn't always an excuse!

Sadly op, I can't offer you any advice on how to deal with it but I agree that maybe you need to alter days out until she's old enough to go without a nap. I don't have that luxury and my ds has ridiculous strength so his meltdowns are awful for all of us.

I don't think it is feasable to do a whole day out very often with a 2 year old. It is bound to be exhausting.

I used to do half days with a break for a nap. It just makes life easier.
I found that my second and third children were more flexible and would sleep in the buggy or the car, but I think that was because they had to learn to do it right from the word go.

Starting bedtime early enough is vital.

So starball what do you base that on?

You're wrong.

Having two DDs who will happily just get in with life wether their routine was interrupted or not.

Both of whom were perfectly reasonable wether they went to bed at 8pm or 10.30 pm and who didn't care if they had a nap or not.

DD1 generally did, DD2 did on Wednesdays at nursery, otherwise she was picking up her sister from nursery and then playing with her.

Neither has ever cared if you go out for the day and get home at midnight, they just slept in the car coming home from GPs.

I've just always expected them to get on with life and they do.

Incredibly useful when Thompson's bounce you to the midnight flight.

That's brilliant Starball, if that's how your children are, but the vast majority of children aren't so placid when tired.

So your sample of 2 means you can talk for all other kids??

Starball - good for you but I assure you your girls are exceptional. Most people, not just children, struggle when tired. I know I do!! And my lovely DS (3.3) is a different boy when he's sleep deprived.

OP she does sound very typical and I think we just have to ride it out and try to make sure they get as much rest as possible.

Well, your children may be like that but all the ones I've known have not.

Unless they're kept placid with tv/toys etc but even that only goes so far.

Myth ----> my arse.

The most important thing to keep in mind when you're faced with a child in the throes of a tantrum, no matter what the cause, is simple and crucial: Keep cool. Don't complicate the problem with your own frustration. Kids can sense when parents are becoming frustrated. This can just make their frustration worse, and you may have an escalated tantrum on your hands. Instead, take deep breaths and try to think clearly.
Also, make sure your child is getting enough sleep. Sleep is very important to kids' well-being and can dramatically reduce tantrums. The link between lack of sleep and a child's behavior isn't always obvious. When adults are tired, they can be grumpy or have low energy, but kids can become hyper, disagreeable, and have extremes in behavior.

Placid DD1 was never placid, she was permanently fiddling with, or attempting to climb things she should have been touching.

She just didn't go in for whinge, cry and tantrum, well not unless you suggested she played with toys, rather than everything else in the room.

DD2 was easier in that she did play with toys and could even entertain herself with them.

She could and can (she's 12) whinge and moan, but not especially when she's tired. Far more when she gets it's her turn for the world to revolve around her. DD1 and me just laugh and tell her to get on with it.

(I should add DD2 was my eternally BFing DD so she got lots of attention)

shouldn't

I think DD1 drove preschool mad. They were very polite, but I suspect she was always escaping to climb the main school wall bars or getting out things she shouldn't.

To be honest starball I suspect you've forgotten a lot of toddlerhood. Did yours never get upset or tantum? Really?

My dd 2.11 still has a 2 hour nap after lunch and most definitely needs it. It has only being the past few weeks where she is ok missing one days nap but on the whole I have to make sure we are home after lunch or doing a reasonable car journey.

DD1 tantrumed twice.
Once in the quarry tiles in the kitchen and I went in the next room and ignored her.

And a second time she looked at the quarry tiles and decided to go and throw a tantrum on the sofa instead.

On finding she still got ignored, she never bothered again.

Well not until she was about 8 and had a massive lying in the ground total tantrum because we'd dared to have an adults only pottery painting night out. DD1 loves pottery painting.

DD2 wasn't much given to tantrums until she was 6, then she just got sent to her room "until she wanted to be nice. "

And yes between 6 and 10 she did a good line in full blown, no point in trying to reason with her tantrums and I'm certain we will get some superb teen strops too.

DD1 doesn't, she sees no point in falling out with parents. Since she does a very expensive hobby and her best friends house is a 20 mile round trip, she knows which side her bread is buttered.

I should write a book on how to do it Starball, the world will be a tantrum free place with your words of wisdom, can't think why we don't all do it like you when it's just so simple.

OP, my 4 year old is still a nightmare when tired, and we have to be very rigid about early bed. You don't mention bedtime routine/ sleep. Any improvements to be made there? I also agree to keep afternoon trips to a minimum, although more difficult if you have older ones.

Thanks for all the responses it's good to know I'm not alone. My dd goes to bed 7pm & sleeps through to 7 sometimes 8am on a good day. When I'm at home she has a 2 hour nap. When with her childminder I know she sleeps less. I defiantly know I need to makesure she has a sleep no matter where we are because it is so hard to to get frustrated when she's hitting and screaming at me.