Fed up with my 10 yr old ds behaviour ��

[mummaemma]

He's moody, rude, answering back, ungrateful, says hurtful things, angry. last year he was such a loving caring boy, he tells me he hates me and has threatened me. Don't know how to turn things around. I have 3 other children 18, 13 and 8, no worries with them, all good. Any one else share similar experience. I love all my kids but he is so hurtful I can't do anything right

Have you read 'how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' ?

Very useful tips in there, is there any problem at school that could be making him angry?

What consequences do you have for him when he is being rude?

Am wondering if he maybe is having a hormone surge that is making him moody?

My ds hit a similar phase at this age. He is now 13 and turning back into a civilised human being.

I think it was mainly insecurity, fear of growing up, not knowing who he was or wanted to be, worries that he would have to turn out exactly like us, worries that he would turn into something he didn't want to be, not knowing what he wanted to be, worries concerning puberty and his changing body, worries about coping at school, worries about not being able to cope with grown-up life, worries that we wouldn't give him the freedom he needed, worries that he wouldn't be able to cope with the freedom we gave him.

(We also had some major worries: having to deal alone with his sister's suicide attempt and knowing that he had a diagnosis of the same disorder that had driven her to try to kill herself was never going to help anybody's outlook on life.)

He seems a lot calmer now that he has gone through puberty and is getting comfortable in his new man's body, when he has seen that as he grows older we will be giving him more freedom but that it will be at his pace and that he will be able to cope. The other night he admitted that we are quite laidback, but it was in a pleasant, almost appreciative way, not in the sneering, fearful "ha, ha, you can't make me do things" that it might have been a year or two ago. The sense I am getting is that he is no longer afraid that we will not be able to cope, as a family, with him growing up.