What should I do all day?

[Binkybix]

Hello

I've a 5 month year old. I'm doing ok - been struggling a bit to adjust but getting there I hope.

I take him out for a long walk most days to make sure he gets some sleep, but what should I be doing with him most of the day? I worry I'm not developing him through play etc but I really don't know much about children. I take him to baby singing class and sing songs at home, but only so much singing I can do!

I'm worrying he's feeling unloved and/or bored. Sometimes I struggle to stop myself doing things like browsing internet and play with him. No idea why :(

Oh Binky I have so been where you are xx No chance is your littleun feeling unloved or bored!! You sound like a smashing mum, and the early days are so difficult to adjust to the 'am I doing this right, what do I do? things!!

Why stop yourself browsing the internet??? Believe me, as he gets older you won't know where your time goes!! xx

Make the most of the, quiet times, you sound like a lovely mum, just don't put too much pressure on yourself to 'do it all' xx

We've all been there OP. Read stories, cuddle, be silly, chat, build towers with stacking blocks for your DC to knock over, go for walks, sing, play peeping. It's all good. He's not bored and he is developing.

Just to give you my story, I had my first when I was 23, was a single mum from the get go, moved to a new area, was totally on my own - when ds1 was born I was terrified!! I took him to every playgroup, out for 'fresh air' every day, read (and stupidly) believed every 'don't let them eat this!' column in every magazine.

When 'weaning' onto foods came around I was a nervous wreck as I read horror stories about reactions to cows milk, eggs, everything!!!

Stairs even scared the shit out of me because of that bloody advert about 'his parents will 'say' he fell down the stairs' (lol)!!!

My little boy is now 10, and survived lol!!

I now also have a 4 year old and have to say, your alot more chilled out about things as your littleun grows up, and alot more when dd2 comes on bored -

Everything is a learning curve, for both of you, and sounds to me your doing everything right!! Get on the internet when he's quiet, why not!! xx

Much love x

Hector have to say I think OP is doing all you suggested, think she sounds a fab mum, there's so much pressure though to 'do it all' as a new mum, it will all come in time i'm sure xx

It's such an adjustment - I'm 11 years in to the mum thing now, my boys are my world, but still worry 'am I doing enough to help them develop correctly, so much so as I have been accused of 'over loving' my kids (I think what was meant by that was I am a little 'crap' at the discipline, I tend to do naughty step with my youngest when needed, but do let alot go.

Being a mum is so difficult, and it forever changes!! lol x

Thanks both of you for the kind words. I do meet up with NCT people and go to some groups but I find being with people I don't know well quite difficult. I'm not shy exactly, but find socialising quite draining in some circs. And being as tired as I am it seems daunting some days!

I've gone and bought some stacking cups sow we have a toy we can actually do something with - not just soft toys.

It's a tricky age as well, not sleeping as much as a newborn, but still not really able to 'do' much by himself. Once he's bigger and can make puzzles or build things himself you'll be able to just sit with him sometimes on the internet while he entertains himself.

He'll be learning from all the stuff you do at home too, when he's a bit bigger he can 'help' by putting the washing in the machine or taking out putting away the tupperware. Nothing wrong with a bit of TV either.

You don't need to be constantly teaching him for him to learn, he'll be absorbing all sorts just by being around you, especially if you give a running commentary while you're doing things like shopping and cooking.

Binky NCT is a great group to be amongst, I was totally like you at first and really didn't feel comfortable there (I was a single mum, I lived in quite a posh village and everyone there seemed to be married with husbands working away, even two mum's there brought their 'au pairs' with them!!!! On a coffee break morning!!! lol!!)

Is there anyone there you feel you could just talk to, have a little natter with?? The NCT also used to do (I've forgotten what they called it now), but it was for mums with 'less than ones' to have little coffee breaks in a mums own home - ?? Was so good for mums that felt the socialising in halls thing was a bit daunting, Binky i know I did!!! And fair play to you for keeping at it!! I was totally like you, but eventually made a friend through the NCT groups, and when you have just that one person you've made contact with, it get's to be a place you can look forward to going to! I made loads of friends their eventually, but it did take some time xx

I would love to say the tiredness goes my lovely, but it may not, I'm still knackered with my 10 and 4 year old lol!!! But you do get used to it, and things do get better, the social side will come, you'll probably find someone who feels just like you make a bee-line for you lol, I did!!

Just know from someone who knows totally where your coming from, you are so not alone, and you are being a fab mum xxxx

We have all felt like you do and I still do think like that sometimes! I made the mistake of buying too many toys etc when they aren't necessary! Find a plastic tub, fill with different household bits, sponge, a ball, spoon, baby mirror and go through them all, touching and naming colours! Teach peek a boo hands, waving, etc. A big play mat with a blanket on top, hide teddies etc underneath and show your LO where they are, they are hiding... The best things to teach them are sometimes staring us in the face and we forget they haven't touched them but have probably seen them! Get them used to the sight and feel of a toothbrush! A tub of water on the floor whilst they watch you pour from stacking cups is a great time waster they seem to love! The list is endless. Rotate day to day. Oh yeah and definitely enjoy the internet before you'll have to hide your phone!

CJones totally agree with your post!! My DD2 loves nothing better than an empty box that's big enough to sit in!!! Coz its a spaceship!! lol!!

I agree with the learning of touch and all the ideas you gave (especially enjoying the internet before you have to hide your phone one, omg, emergency services anyone lol xx

Fab post and responses here, has made me smile and feel better- I too have a 5 month old and am always worrying I don't do enough. Too tired to chat and sing some days!! Will be nicking some of these ideas for playtime! Sounds like we are doing similar things - we can't be doing that bad a job I'm sure

Box full of random things he can explore and chew! Hit the pound shop, a tenner, and he'll be amused for hours, honestly.

You don't have to interact and play with the child constantly. That would drive anyone insane.

Play/talk/interact with your DC for a few minutes, do a chore, keep him close when you are on the phone or internet etc. But also allow him to learn how to keep himself entertained for short periods.

You don't always need to do baby specific things for your DC to learn. Just keeping him close as you go about your day to day life is a fantastic learning experience for him!

He is at a tricky age at the moment where he can't do a lot to entertain himself but gets a bit bored. I would definitely second the box of random stuff in a box - flannels, silicone/wooden spoons, empty metal coffee tins, water bottles filled with rice/lentils etc. The next few months it will get easier as they start to sit up and show a bit more interest in things. There are also some apps/FB pages with activity ideas for different ages. Just being there, showing affection & interaction are all he really needs ATM.

We found that sometimes even moving to a different room to play for a bit helped if DD was getting restless, I have playlists on Spotify to play & sing along to & we go out for a walk every day - usually mid to late afternoon when she's a bit harder to entertain & my cheery enthusiasm is waning!