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Original poster

My 11 month old still BFs 6 times per night - what can I do?

28 replies

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 20/11/2013 10:12

DS2 will be 11 months old next week.

He wakes up at least every two hours during the night (between 7pm and 7am) to bf. The lack of sleep is really starting to take it's toll - I am tired and irritable and grumpy. I'm short tempered with DS1 (nearly 4) and with DH. I feel like I never get any time to relax - I put DS2 to bed, put DS1 to bed, quickly eat dinner and catch up on household/admin stuff, feed DS2 again, go to bed, wake up 90 mins later to feed DS2...etc...

I can't nap during the day (DS2 only naps for 40 mins at a time and I can't wind down enough to sleep during that time, I just lie there thinking 'I need to go to sleep NOW or I'm only going to sleep for 30 mins etc).

Zzzzzz.

I enjoy BF but am not passionate about continuing into toddlerhood.
DS2 is a good eater - three substantial meals per day, plus snacks, plus 2-3 bf. He is not fed to sleep, but one of us sits by his cot until he falls asleep.

So what would you do? Stop BF and hope that formula would lead to more settled nights?
Or continue to BF but start to proactively manage the night feeds - so decide not to feed until (e.g.) 1am and 6am and just ride the storm in between times, in the hope that he'll get out of the habit?

I can't think straight!

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Sunnysummer · 20/11/2013 11:37

We've been gently sleep training (minimal crying, mostly along the lines of the No Cry Sleep Solution!) and have had quite a bit of luck with reducing feeds - DS is 8 months and we're down from 6-10 to 2! Smile

It did take a few very tricky nights, though. People suggested getting partners to help, but as my DH doesn't do nights due to his job, I just got one of his big jumpers and put it over my top when I went in to soothe, it seemed to help mask the milk smell at least. It did help to have my mum around during the day for the first few days, so I could catch up on some rest - but after 3 nights things improved a lot, and a week on from then things are continuing to get better.

With more tears we could probably have got quite quickly to 1 feed, and like you say I also know plenty of babies where night weaning has drastically reduced awakenings. Sounds like you have some good back up options if reducing feeds doesn't work.

MumofYuck · 20/11/2013 11:41

Will he take a bottle?

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/11/2013 11:44

I'd be inclined to give a bottle or cup of water of he wakes. At 11 months feeding two hourly that can't be hunger it's just habit. I'd go cold turkey and don't bf at night offer water and try some sleep training of some kind.

MyMILisfromHELL · 20/11/2013 11:50

2 bf at 8 months is not enough. Restricting the milk intake of an under 1yo is not healthy at all.

NCISaddict · 20/11/2013 11:58

I think Sunny is referring to the number of feeds at night not during the day MyMil.

noblegiraffe · 20/11/2013 12:06

Send in your DH? I doubt an 11 month old is waking every two hours to bfeed, they are waking every two hours anyway, and holding out for a bfeed to settle them because they like it.

I'm struggling with my 10 month old at the moment, similarly waking regularly. I have had success in getting her to sleep for longer stretches (4 hours last night, 5 hours the night before) simply by putting her to sleep on her front (it's ok at this age, they can roll back if needed).

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/11/2013 12:45

Might also be worth dropping a snack in the day and replacing with an extra bf

Original poster
IWillOnlyEatBeans · 20/11/2013 12:50

Sunnysummer that sounds great - would you mind explaining how you managed to reduce the number of feeds? Did you just go in and re-settle in other ways?

noble I agree that it's comfort rather than hunger. Sadly DS2 is not keen on being on his front as he still hasn't quite figured out that he can roll himself back over (can can roll, but doesn't). Might be worth another shot though...

DS2 wont take a bottle. He used to have one fairly regularly when he was tiny, but started to refuse them at around 6 months old (the same time that he started to refuse his dummy).

I don't think two BFs per night sounds very restricted mil. DS1 dropped all his night feeds at 4 months! And never had any health problems... I don't mind doing a couple of feeds per night, it comes with the territory after all, but six feeds per night at 11 months seems unnecessary (especially when he eats so much solid food during the day).

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Original poster
IWillOnlyEatBeans · 20/11/2013 12:51

Giles I offer a bf first thing, then before his morning nap, after lunch and mid-afternoon. He gets snacks mid-morning and mid-afternoon too!

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 20/11/2013 12:59

Should also say that my DD is guaranteed a bad night's sleep if she doesn't have at least one nap in the day longer than 40 minutes. She always stirs at the 40 minute mark, but if I am right there to shove a boob in her mouth, she often goes back to sleep.

Davsmum · 20/11/2013 12:59

If you always feed your DS when he wakes up then he will keep wanting it?
He is just in the habit of waking up and you are in the habit of feeding him to settle him.
Find other ways to settle him - It may mean a few nights with lack of sleep but you need to stick to just settling him back down.

Original poster
IWillOnlyEatBeans · 20/11/2013 13:07

I'm just worried that if I find another way of settling him (rocking, hair stroking etc) then he'll keep waking up but instead of feeding him I have to stand for 40 mins rocking him...

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Gileswithachainsaw · 20/11/2013 13:07

He obviously likes seeing you and feeling you. Maybe sleep with one of his blankets or a muslin so it smells of you and then give it to him. Maybe smelling you may be enough to not need to wake up and hold out for a bf.?

Davsmum · 20/11/2013 13:16

You may have to spend some time settling him OP - but it won't last forever. When my DS was a baby I found it best to settle him down and then not stay with him. I just kept going back if he got too unsettled and lay him down again and patted his back and then left him again.
At first he used to kick off again every 5 minutes but I kept repeating what I did until he stopped it.
It took me 3 nights in all - and then he used to just settle.

Original poster
IWillOnlyEatBeans · 20/11/2013 13:27

Well whatever we do, we're starting it on Saturday night as DH is off next week so can help more (he does help in the night, but works FT so I tend to do the lions share)

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MumofYuck · 20/11/2013 13:33

I found that patting DS1's stomach when he woke in the night proved effective - I didn't pick him up, just shushed and patted. He wasn't impressed to start with but after a few tries he got the message that food would not be forthcoming and started to sleep better.

I know it's hard but remember that you will get the behaviour you reward. In his head, waking and whinging = food. If waking+whinging does NOT equal food then I'll bet he will be much more likely to sleep for longer periods.

MumofYuck · 20/11/2013 13:33

And good luck - it sounds rough on you!!

LeBFG · 20/11/2013 13:57

I had this with DS at about the same time too. I reduced the night feeds a lot by: picking up, rocking until quiet, putting down to sleep and walking away and leaving him to cry. If after about 5 mins he was still crying, I repeated. As soon as I got fed up (or tired which was often towards dawn) I would just feed to sleep. He quickly went to 1/2 feeds per night and finally slept through at 14mo.

I have a 8mo DD who woke only once or twice a night: switched at 8mo to the bottle, the first night she slept through! But then she never bf for comfort either so....

passedgo · 20/11/2013 14:06

I think this is probably more about sleep than about feeding. If he's eating food as well as you say he is he shouldn't be waking up hungry. There might be something else waking him - is he warm enough/cool enough, or does he have trouble breathing/asthma, or is there noise that might wake him?

Don't change the bf, try other things. Instead of bfing him, do something else, like pick him up and put him down, or give him an extra blanket or turn the light on and off. That way he knows he knows he's getting attention and the focus is away from the feed. You have to wean him off waking up rather than weaning him off feeding.

Original poster
IWillOnlyEatBeans · 20/11/2013 17:05

The only thing that might wake him is his brother (nightmares, needing a drink etc). But it's like clockwork every two hours regardless of noise. He seems warm enough.

I have tried a comforter that smelt like me. It increased the wake times to every 40 mins!! Disaster!

OP posts:
LeBFG · 23/11/2013 08:46

Oh, yes, the magic blanket. I forgot. Persist with it as they really develop a strong sleep association with it. I choose microfibre-type ones as they are so soft. I swear they are miracles!

Original poster
IWillOnlyEatBeans · 23/11/2013 14:57

Ok, I'll give it another go!

OP posts:
minipie · 24/11/2013 18:59

it's very very unlikely to be hunger or an external factor especially if it's like clockwork every 2 hours.

more likely that is the end of his sleep cycle and instead of going sleepily into the next cycle he has got into the habit of waking properly and shouting for you, because he thinks he needs you get back to sleep.

You're right that if you switch to rocking instead of BF he'll just end up wanting that instead (been there and rocking is harder work than BFing!) same applies to switching to formula.

So, it's about teaching him to get back to sleep completely by himself.

We used controlled crying to do this which worked very very quickly (went from 5/6 wakes per night to none within one day) though must admit we have had to repeat CC twice now when the old feeding/cuddling to sleep habits crept back following illness or teething.

CC is not for everyone of course, some on MN think it's cruel though I don't agree. Other methods are gradual retreat or pick up put down, though both these still involve crying (albeit with you in the room) and personally I think pick up put down is unsuitable for an older baby.

if you don't want any crying then I second the No Cry Sleep Solution suggestion, though not tried it myself, I gather it takes a lot of patience which at the time I didn't have due to being completely shattered...

Best of luck. I realise you have already started so hope it's going well whatever you decided to try!

DziezkoDisco · 24/11/2013 19:04

Cc worked at this age for all three of mine in 2 nights. One of them cried for about 25 mins, the other two for less.

Made me a much better parent in the day.
Know some people cant handle it (but Most against cc have kids that stoll wake up when they are toddlers or older and are so knackered they cant see straight...)

JohnnyUtah · 24/11/2013 19:16

Completely agree with mini pie - he has got into the habit of waking between sleep cycles. It would be better for his health as well as yours if he could carry on by himself. Whatever you do now, you need to enable him to carry on sleeping by himself. If it were me, there would be crying.

I don't think it will take him long to learn to sleep - you need to teach him now. It is the best thing you can do for him, sleep is vital for us all.