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Behaviour/development

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Reassurance needed about 2.5 year DS and toddler behaviour. Feeling fed up.

10 replies

alabasterangel · 18/11/2013 16:12

Sorry to sound whiney. My DS2 is 2.5 and just such a bloody handful. I hate comparing to his older DS but that's all I can use as a yardstick, and they are such different beasts. There are two issues which I'm trying to understand and improve.

Sleeping. He's always been an abismal sleeper. He finally slept through the night at about 20 months, and at 2 he climbed out of his cot repeatedly, so we took the sides off and put on a guard. The sleeping through status quo was maintained for about a month, but then went rapidly downhill. He has reverted to getting out of bed and coming into our room 4,5,6 times during the night from 11pm onwards ( goes to bed and sleep well initially). In the last four months we have tried various methods to get him to stay in his bed; silently returning him with little/no negotiation. Negotiation. Rewards/bribery (sticker charts, treats etc). Nothing is working. We've given each method a good shot of 10 days plus, and only given up when there isn't even a flicker of improvement. He doesn't even come straight into us any more, he sits on the landing because he knows if we find him there we'll take him back to bed. I won't co-sleep or have him in my bed as I then get no sleep. After getting up 5 times in 7 hours on Friday night the cot sides have gone back on. Instead I've now got howling and shouting 5 times a night instead which just wakes his sister up too. I've no idea how to get over this, and he is tired and grumpy and fractious and so am I.

Behaviour. And then whether it is connected or not but he is just so full on all the time that he is awake. He plays with nothing, he has the usual requisite toys but they aren't played with, he would rather just career from one banned activity to another. I know all toddlers do this stuff, and I understand he's pushing boundaries, exploring, learning, exercising his will etc etc but its just so bloody tiring and constant. I try very hard to pick my battles (and to ignore tantrums all together without 'feeding' them), but even something like saying he can't have a biscuit results in a tantrum of gargantuan proportions where kitchen units are kicked and floor is pounded. Everything I try to 'help' with is met with NO NO NO NO NO NO, so leaving the house to get his sister from school can take an hour - refusal to put trousers on, coat, shoes. Mealtimes are met with a flat on refusal to eat anything at all, whatever is presented, and we just ignore his howling and wailing and protesting until finally he'll pick up his fork and eat. Every single family meal for weeks is to a soundtrack of him protesting. And I don't mean odd protests or odd tantrums, its all day. Id guess at least 2 per hour all day. Today its been the usual breakfast, getting dressed, doing the car seat up, walking to school, taking shoes and coat off when back...on and on. He gets loads and loads of fresh air and exercise, every single day. As I say he plays with nothing, if he gets a box of toys out then within minutes he's just using them as missiles.

I'm tired. He's tired. I've no idea how to improve things. I work 4 days a week and I'm exhausted trying to stay awake. I adore him, and he can be a lovely, cuddly, affectionate little boy but for the majority of the time I just find parenting him nothing but hard work. Is it okay to feel like this?

Sorry its so long.

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MadameJ · 18/11/2013 16:30

I have just started a similar thread my dd (nearly 3) appears to have changed over night to the point where I feel like I don't know her anymore :-(

No advice but just wanted to say you are not alone x

lollipoppi · 18/11/2013 17:17

You have just described my DS!

He will get out of bed and come into my bed, I've always always returned him to bed and he does go back to sleep but it will happen upto 6 times a night!

I think the behaviour is related to the lack of sleep, on the rare occasions that he does sleep through, he is much better behaved during the day.

How to tackle the sleep .... I have no idea Hmm I've found in the past that if he has a sleep during the day, even if it's just an hour then he will sleep better at night

Meal time battles, I've learnt to ignore! Tea gets out in front of him and if he doesn't eat it then so be it, nothing else. I was totally against this as couldn't bear the thought of him going to bed hungry, but it seems to have worked, every night for the last 2 weeks he has eaten all his tea, including everything he "doesn't like"

alabasterangel · 18/11/2013 17:26

Thank you. Sorry to hear you are having a tough time too. I love him so so much, but I really find his behaviour such hard work. I know some people say 'he's still a baby / he doesn't understand' but it certainly feels like he does. I know he's not intrinsically 'naughty' but his actions can be destructive and it seems impossible to understand how to control, explain, minimise such events. In the last half hour he's snaffled a pen from him sister who was colouring on the table, come up up behind me and drawn down the back of my trousers. I remove pen, tantrum. He picks up his discarded shoes and chucks them about the room, managing to knock over a lamp. He's run into his sister deliberately, butted her like a goat and knocked her over. Yeah, perspective, none of it is awful. But its like that constantly.... As soon as I deal with one thing he's off somewhere else doing something else. Right now hes busy turning a digestive into a pile of microscopic crumbs and putting them into his trouser pocket. Going out socially is impossible. Visiting other people's houses is hard bloody work.

5pm and I'm just about ready for bed myself.....

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Booboostoo · 18/11/2013 17:35

Is it worth co-sleeping to see if his daytime behaviour improves? Maybe he is genuinely scared to sleep alone and then spends the day tired and fractious?

hardboiledpossum · 18/11/2013 17:39

for sleep I would just make up a little bed in your room and let him know he can sleep there but not your bed.

Do you think you have maybe got in to a cycle if negativity? could you try love bombing for a few days if so to break the cycle.

alabasterangel · 18/11/2013 17:43

We practically would find it hard. We have a normal double bed, no room for a bigger one, and DH is a huge ex-rugby playing ex-squaddie built-like-a-wardrobe. And he massively snores, which somehow I have managed to adjust to sleeping with, but I doubt DS would. I can't decamp into DS's tiny room, there just isn't the space (he's in the box room) so the only option would be sleeping in the living room. Not ideal.

He doesn't seem scared when he wakes up, I suppose the best way I could describe it would be that he's half asleep if i catch him quickly enough. he only fully wakes up if i dont know hes uo quickly enough. Ironically I did some sleep studying as part of a course a few years ago, and my guess would be that he 'wakes' when he rises up into his lightest part of sleep. The rest of us use that time to turn over, resettle, the the cycle begins again, we don't even fully properly wake. But instead of doing that he fully wakes up and its become a 'habit' to wander out of bed to locate us....or into his sisters room, or sit on the landing fiddling with some plug sockets, or find his water beaker and wash a teddy or two....

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Queen0fFlamingEverything · 18/11/2013 17:47

I hear you.

My 3yo is exactly the same (apart from the sleep - that is DS's saving grace!). I've had threads about him before.

During waking hours he is a small demented tyrannical lunatic, 24 effing 7. He doesn't let up. People just don't get it - there really is no way to describe how utterly tiring and nerve wracking it is. And people constantly suggest things but tbh nothing much helps other than exercising him like a collie puppy Hmm which does take the edge off it somewhat but is not a magic solution by any means.

I have a 10yo DD who was nothing like this so its been a total shock to the system, I thought I had toddlers worked out and I know that actually, I knew nothing ...

Booboostoo · 18/11/2013 18:18

Can you not get rid of all the furniture in the box room and put down as large a mattress as possible for you and DS to sleep on? I do think it's worth trialing whether the lack of sleep is causing some of the problems.

alabasterangel · 18/11/2013 18:59

Looking into lovebombing. Never knew such a thing existed as a term. I sort of tried something similar myself, but just giving loads of cuddles one week whenever he woke up. After the novelty wore off, he fought me off with yet more NO NO NO NO's, but maybe it needs more overall thinking.

In terms of breaking the sleep cycle, if it gets that bad I might decamp to my Mums for a weekend, just to try and break the habit. At my mums he'd need to be next to my bed in a travel cot next to my bed. Might be worth a shot I suppose?

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chocolatecrispies · 18/11/2013 19:39

Wish I could help but my son was like that and is still pretty full on at 5.5. I look at other parents and think you have no idea.

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