I am finding my 7 year old dd hard work

[Notcontent]

My 7 year old dd is a fabulous child in most ways. She is extremely well behaved at school apparently and doing very well. She is also well mannered with other people. At home, not so much!

There are two main issues. First of all, she will often not listen to me. Secondly, she gets into a temper about things and takes it out on me. E.g. I am helping her with her homework and tell her that she has spelled a word wrong - she will get angry with herself but takes it out on me and will typically say something like "it's all your fault" or "i am not listening to you, I am doing it my way". Everything has to be her way. It's very tiring and upsetting. If we are doing fun things, it's all fine - but anything else is met with a resounding "Noooooooo". Ever soften we have a shouting match and then she tries to be good for a short while but it doesn't last.

My children are adults now, but I was always of the opinion that no child is an angel 24/7 and home is the best place for expressing the 'difficult' bits.
You have obviously done a great job (listen hard to what all those other people are saying about her!) but she is getting to the age when querying mummy becomes very normal.
Its pre-teen, and some hit it early.
She has discovered that you are not always 100% right about everything (normal!! none of us are) and at the same time, she is discovering that she has a few opinions of her own. Mummy is the safe place to test those new found wing stretches.

It is not easy, but is pretty standard. FWIW, I set a boundary of "politeness" i.e."even if we disagree, we do it politely!!" but started to ask more than tell (would you like me to check your spelling, etc ?)

That said, I would also check in with teachers that she is doing OK at school, not struggling or having any friendship issues, as you would not want to assume it is normal development without making sure you have the whoile picture.

Thanks. She has actually said to me that at home she knows she can say things without the same consequences as at school. And yes, she is very much like a pre - teen, which is what worries me! I don't think there are any problems at school. I think she just has a very strong personality but I am not handling it well. I think I probably let it get too much to me.

I just miss my gorgeous 5 year old that was so sweet and good.

your dd could be mine, now 8, and currently exhausting, everything is a big deal, I am not allowed to help (or have an opinion) she is very independent and at the same time still a little kid at times and that I think is the knub of the problem.

ds was actually horrible at this age too, and I have recently realised that he is much more stable and less emotional than he was (now 10)

My Mum says that 7 year olds are very emotionally volatile. I am beginning to think she is right.

With lots of things I have completely backed off, her homework, her problem, if she wants help, she asks, if not it is up to her. I give her choices, so she has some freedom, but firm limits.

She is also a school angel, and lets rip at home.

Steppemum - yes, definitely emotional! I think your approach is probably right - just to back off a bit. Thanks.

Dh is calmer than me. This morning we had a WW3 over who was going to walk the (visiting) dog. dd1 didn't, mainly because she wasn't dressed!

I took dd2 to school and left dh with dd1 having a meltdown. He and she turned up at school a few minutes later, he had suggested an extra dog walk just up to school, just him and her. He suggested it ''in passing'' and then left her stewing. A few minutes later she came up to him and asked if they could take the dog to school.

dd1 happy, situation resolved. I had just got cross and left her to it!