Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

3 year old asking if mummy and daddy will die

10 replies

Michaelangelo · 11/07/2006 15:14

My 3 1/2 year old DS asked his dad last night if mummy and daddy would die.. Not sure what prompted this and not surprsingly DH was bit taken aback. We don't want to lie so he said that everone dies one day but not till they are very old and he (DS) would be grown up by then as he seemed to be worried that there would be no one to look after him. Anyone any suggestions on how to deal with thsi one should he ask again?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FairyMum · 11/07/2006 15:25

Oh no. A difficult one. I have had that question so many times too and especially my DS1 who is now nearly 5 has been worried about people dying for a while now. I think you are right. You have to be honest otherwise they will soon find out they cannot trust you and get more insecure and frightened. I think there are some good books on the subject if you search on Amazon. I was thinking of doing a search actually.

Original poster

Michaelangelo · 11/07/2006 19:49

Good idea I'll have a look might see if thy have any others on difficult subjects too to be prepared.

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 11/07/2006 19:54

My DS1 went through this phase at about 4, I think. It's pretty normal. We found that being calm about it seemed to work. He didn't seem worried, though, which probably helped ...

Blu · 11/07/2006 19:58

DS had a phase of asking about this at the same age. I was very low-key and matter of fact about it, said there was a time before we were born when we weren't alive, then we were alive, and then there was a time after that when we were not alive any more.
He wanted to know if I would still love him after I died, and I said he would always know in his heart how much I loved him, and that would stay in his heart as long as he was alive.

I think don't say anything you don't believe, and don't ever say 'going to sleep' if you want them to feel happy going to bed at night!

TwinsetandPearls · 11/07/2006 19:59

My dd is frequently asking me if I am going to die, usually because I am wearing something she likes, today she asked for my shoes - she is 4

nicnack2 · 11/07/2006 20:00

blu what a lovely way of dealing with the question.

doobydoo · 11/07/2006 20:05

How lovely Blu.DS went through this too..and after explaining it all in simplish terms he turned round and said 'oh i'm fine now.May i have a winder and a kitkat'..talk about seizing the opportunityHe has mentioned it on and off since he was about 4.

NotQuiteCockney · 11/07/2006 20:12

Blu, that's a lovely way to look at it, I will try that one, the next time it comes up.

We had a lot of arguments when DS1 was insisting that people come back to life after they're dead, and me saying, well, no, not really. Serves me right for sending him to an Xian school, I guess.

Original poster

Michaelangelo · 12/07/2006 10:27

Thanks Blu that sounds a really nice way to explain it I'll keep it ready for next time.

OP posts:

Martini · 12/07/2006 22:30

I have told my DS that we will all die, usually not until we are v old etc. When he asked what happens when we die I told him that no one really knows but different people believe different things e.g. go to heaven, be reincarnated as something else, do nothing.

He seemed happy with that and we discussed what we would like to be reincarnated as for a while. He's 4.

Flip