Help with whining 4 yr old ..!

[Emmalou]

My dd is nearly 4, lovely but strong-willed and a great negotiator! Her tactics for attention have degraded to constantly whining and it's driving me insane. She goes to a childminder 3 days a week where one of the children whines all day so this could be an influence. I am trying HARD to ignore her until she speaks to me properly which she EVENTUALLY does but always starts with whining first ... ie, she doesn't seem to be learning very fast! Also, shouldn't she be past this at 4 ? It's like having a baby around again.
Any ideas/suggestions ... help!

Commiserations Emmalou ... I have a very low tolerance for whining - drives me completely barmy. We had my nephew to stay in half term, and he drove me mad with this incessant demands!

What sort of whining is it? Is she whinging for things that she is unlikely to get? Or is she just using an irritating voice to tell you something?

Either way ignoring is a powerful tactic - though hard to implement, especially if you're tired. Could you give her a sticker every time she asks you something properly without whining?

Terribly childish and probably makes me a really bad mum but eyes closed, hands over ears and Lalalalalalalalalalalalala usually works with DD she finds that so infuriating she stops whining immediately!!

Love the idea of Lalalallalalala ! I think I might try and it, and yes, could be time for some stars. The whining starts as soon as she gets up and something doesn't go her way ... she drops something, has to give something back to her darling sister, can't have 2nds for pud, can't have ... can't have .... doesn't like the trousers I put out - this morning's gem. I swiftly told her that we could go upstairs and choose some others together to which she said, "no you go ...". When I wouldn't she started going on and on and on ..... she did eventually come with me but my ears were burning by then. Aahhh!

Oh dear, that does sound VERY draining - especially first thing in the morning. I did think maybe she was tired, but obviously not.

We tell ds that we don't understand him when he whines: 'Sorry, I don't understand. Tell me again. No, it's no good, you'll have to speak clearly.'

If he's going on about something (like the trousers scenario, for example) then it's 'You have a choice: you can wear these trousers, or you can go and choose another pair with me. Which will it be.'

I can't decide which drives me up the wall most: whingeing, nagging, or 'whyyyyyyy?'

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I ask the child to "talk in a proper voice please" and then ignore until they do...
She could be picking it up form the child at childminders - have you asked the childminder how she speaks there and if so can you come up with "whinge busting" techniques together?

Emmalou, if it's any help, it is a "stage". My dd1 (and her friends) did this at this age, and, joy of joys, dd2 is doing it too (4 in Apr). All I do is say things like, I can't help you/ do so and so if you whine or please use a nice voice etc. Or in moments when I can't take any more, please go somewhere else until you can find your nice voice! Often said through gritted teeth before Mummy spontaneously combusts! HTH. It will stop, honest!

Thanks for the advice, I am trying to ignore it but am just surprised that she hasn't worked out that she doesn't get my attention when she's doing this. I make a real fuss of her when she's talking nicely too. Batey, I am VERY relieved to hear that it is a stage ... this gives me some hope. Forgot the Lalalalalal this morning but am looking forward to her face when I try it tonight!