4 y/o, new brother - won't go to nursery

[Frecklesandspecs]

Just looking for some opinions on this.
I've just had my 3rd (a week ago) and have a 2 and 4 year old.
dd1 has been at nursery since Feb. She started a new school nursery in October.
She has always been very confident and really enjoyed her last nursery. She went in on the first day and didn't even look back to say goodbye. She has always been independant and sensible (for her age).

Anyway, baby brother was born a week ago and she missed a week or so before half term as obviously very heavily pregnant and waiting for labour ect....(its about 2 miles walking there and back)
This week DH has been at home on paternity leave plus my mother was staying over the period I gave birth. I realuse its been a huge change all round for her and I think she feels very insecure.
This week she has not wanted to go to nursery. Has cried and ran back. She gets really upset as we approach the school. Today was awful. She was crying her eyes out.Teacher told me to go and she tried to run out of the school gates Teacher picked her up kicking and screaming. I left her nearly in tears.
Teachers have said to keep bringing her this week as she settles down after a while and she does come out of school happy.
But as soon as I mention school when we get home she develops selective hearing and ignores me.
Tonight at bedtime she said ' mummy why did you leave me at school today?' she was lying awake for a while tonight and I knew she was worrying aboyt it.
I don't know what to do for the best. Continue taking her or give her a break.
I'm finding it quite upsetting on top of having 2 year old and newborn to think about.
Ty

Hey, congratulations!

In your position, I would give her a break (assuming you can manage this childcare with a newborn and a 2 year old to look after as well!) She probably wants to feel included in this very special time, and it's important for her to build a good relationship with her new little sibling.

However, I realise that may be impractical. If she really does have to go, maybe you could tell her how much her baby brother will be missing her while she is gone, how much he will appreciate hearing about everything she has done (because he is too young to go himself and wants to know all about it).

Make time for her to help you change his nappy, put him in the bath, dress him etc. Perhaps she could choose his clothes?

I had a four year and a newborn last year, and I know it can be very hard, even without a 2 year old in the mix as well... It's hard not to make the 4 year old pushed out. However, my DS1 loved being "responsible" for looking after his little brother (under close supervision!) and still adores him now. We were pretty slack about preschool attendance until DS felt ready to go back full time.

Thanks Green. It is easier in a way to have her home she( I walk her with the other two when DH is at work usually) but on the other hand she gets bored at home unless we go out or do something.
I've been very aware also that there are other kuds who could have had her place and how much time is acceptable for them to have off in nursery? (busy London suburb)
Do you think they would keep her place or would they be difficult about it?

I'm also thinking that if I make her go now it Will have a more negative effect than if I leave it until she wants to.
She has been really good with the baby as has her sister and helps out a lot ect. I can see what you mean about feeling left out though when the rest of us are at home, especially as daddy is home too!

I'd be surprised if the nursery were difficult about you letting your DD have a bit of time off. They are supposed to be working in the best interests of the (very young) children in their care, and building good relationships with parents. Unless your DD's attendance falls below a certain level (very low, can't remember exactly how low) then they will still receive the funding for her, so don't worry about the place being given to somebody else instead.

When DS2 was born, and I was trying to struggle with a 20 minute walk each way to preschool for DS1, the staff took me aside and told me not to stress - they said "it's not compulsory at this age, you know..."

You know your own daughter best, but I don't think it will have any long-term bad effect to let her decide when she is ready to go back to nursery. Quite the opposite really - it will make her feel loved and valued to know that you want her with you. It must be hard for her to leave her family and new baby behind, especially when Daddy is at home. Maybe you could say she will go back to nursery when Daddy goes back to work?

Ty Green. I kept her off today and she promised to go on Monday when daddy goes back to work.
Hopefully, it Will work as we try and get back into a routine again.
I meant that I was worried that forcing her to go might have some long effect sorry, like you said.
She has been very happy at home today but switches to selective hearing as soon as school/ nursery is mentioned in any context.
We Will see how Monday goes anyway.
Thankyou for taking the time to reply to me.
;-)

awwwh Freckles hope your okay hun i just read that we have the same aged kids my daughters are 2 and 4 anyway hun i think youv already done the right thing i hope tomorrow is easier for you and your dc goes nursery okay i know what you mean about the routine thing oscars 14 days old now and were just getting a routine back those first few weeks have been manic anyway talk soon hun :)

bump hows things freckles xx