dd (3) is very serious, have i caused it?

[muddyprints]

dd1 was a quiet toddler, well behaved, liked books/jigsaws/building with megablox and liked to sit and concentrate and have conversations from an early age. as my first I had no comparisons, she didn't like big playgroups and was scared of loud noise so I took her swimming/gym/parks and she was happy. when she started nursery at 3.2 they commented she was very serious and never got very excited about anything. I said she liked books and older kids who she could talk to and she settled fine, made a few quiet friends plus lots of older friends and came out of her shell and is now happy/loud/bouncy at 6yrs old.

dd2 is now 3 and similar, quiet, well behaved, a bit more physical but chats away all the time, plays by me at playgroups and loves her big sister.
I am noticing more that she is very different to other preschool kids. they are running round madly, box on their head laughing hysterically, having loud fun together. she is looking at books, talking and asking questions, she talks to adults more than kids.

have I made them too adult somehow? have I took the fun out of them? am I too strict?

they both laugh and dance and play, but they seem older than their peers somehow?

dd1 also cried at hand-dryers/sirens/screaming/shouting and I mentioned it to the hv when she was 1 and was told lots of children have sensitive hearing and not to worry, so im not worried about dd2 in that way.
but others make me worry when she is sensitive and serious and shy, they comment like she is weird, I get asked how will she cope at school.

dd1 was and is a serious child and very sensitive to noise. They tested her ears once and the feedback was she had over-sensitive ears (had a long name I can't remember) and she should improve by 4 and be fine by 5. she's now 5 and will use the hand dryers where as at 3 she's stand in the furthest corner, hands over ears and crying like it hurt.

dtds are 2 and run round like mad things. I look at the mums at church with their child happily sitting next to them looking at a book with envy as mine have 2 volumes off and loud!

but others make me worry when she is sensitive and serious and shy, they comment like she is weird, I get asked how will she cope at school.

People really underestimate the introverts or the shy. There is no reason to think that she won't cope. I was shy and quiet, never happier than with a book, and I adored school from the start.

yes dd1 loves school and thrives on the structure. they both hate toddler groups where you can just play, they love the singing time or the craft time where there is an activity to do. at home they don't just potter about, they set up a game and play it through or do jigsaw after jigsaw.
everyone expects them to be loud and boisterous and join in easily but we are from a small family and they aren't used to excess noise.

Bring them round! They sound just like my DD. I searched for 'serious child' for some reassurance about my DD. I found this thread and feel thoroughly reassured, your girls sound just like mine. Esp. the party scene with sitting on knee and crying about the balloon and the reading and puzzles etc. I'm not going to worry about this anymore, I think you can relax too!

The only question I would ask is whether you equate being good with sitting quietly and concentrating, and leaping round (harmlessly, in an appropriate setting) as less good, or give your dds a signal that this is 'noisy' or 'boisterous' or 'rough', as you say you are less chilled out than other parents about more physical or active play.

Sometimes include some dancing, or hula hooping, ball games and rough and tumble tickling in your interaction with them, chasing and racing in the park, so that they know that lovely play is also being well behaved. And how to play these games with other kids should they wish to

But nothing wrong with a natural inclination for books.

'Lively play' not 'lovely'