do kids need one particular friend?

[babyjane67]

Hi all
We had our5yr old dds first parenta eve last night
All is fine apart from some gross motor difficulties which we know about&are due to her having hypermobility
But her teacher has also said that she plays with lots of kids but doesnt seem to have one particular friend&so theyre working towards&encouraging her to have one!
I found this a bit strange to be honest
Whats wrong with having lots of friends?
I think its lovely for her!
She said shes a very confident&sociable girl so surely she'll just find a best friend when shea ready?
Would like to know what you all think&if we should be worried or what!?
Tia

noooooooooo - I would be more worried if they have the whole stupid "Best friend" thing...... lots of friends is much nicer and will hold her in good stead for the inevitable fallings out of Y5-8 girls.....

Maybe she was trying to say your dd is on always on the edge of groups?

Seems a completly pointless thing to say if she is doing fine. I'd prefer her to have a group of friends as when the 'best friend' decides to play with some one else it just causes up set !

Have you spoke to her about it?

Well thats whati was thinking!
Much nicer&easier for her to have a group of friends
I dont think thats what teacher meant
Havent spoken to dd bout it yet but she doesnt always tell us alot about her day at school anyway
I do ask who shes played with&she tells me
She usually plays dinosuars chasing round the playgrround with2or3or more friends!
She plays in the playhouse theyve got in class with one or2of the girls
she likes playing with a couple of the boys too
So i dont know!

Teachers normally worry if a child is attached too closely to another child because if the best friend moves on the remaining child feels bereaved. If she plays with a wider circle of friends then this is good and I would not worry at all.

Would you say something to the teacher about not trying to make her have one best friend or just leave it&se what happens?
we havent had any pkaydates for a while but we have had them&been to others houses&she loves it!
I did ask her the other day if she had a beat friend&she said no but seemed quite happy about that!lol

No, I always expected my very conventionally sociable DD2 to have a traditional BF. She never has. Most of their class rubbed along pretty well with each other most of the time. Lots of different friends have exchanged playdates and sleep overs on their own and in groups and at secondary it seems to be much the same.

Because it's a rural area with big school catchments and small year groups, it happens no one lives next door to their BF (as I did to mine and some of DD1's class do), so there were no automatic twosomes.

Over the years they seem to have almost deliberately avoided forming pairs. DD2 could have been exclusive BF with her top table partner in crime, but both are very strong charterers and both instinctively sensed that space and other friends was very wise. Likewise DD would never totally monopolize her very very shy (since nursery DF), because that wouldn't work either.

I think because the Year group was split in the second year of school and absolutely hated it (mostly having done preschool together and reception) they almost formed a pact that it was the group of girls against the world for the rest of primary.

Sadly they are now at several different senior schools and split across sets even when together, so it's more Kik messenger and half term sleep overs.

I don't think they do. I think it is good to have a group of friends (not all necessarily in the same group IYSWIM!) but not to be too dependent on one person.

I never had one best friend, and even now I have a few close friends and I like to spend time with lots of other people.
DD has had a BFF all through from 3+ to 14 although they don't see each other so much now as they are at different secondary schools and are busy with other friends and clubs, homework, etc.
DS has some close friends and seems fairly popular at school, but not a best friend as such.