Does this sound like normal 2.5 yo behaviour and HELP!

[WallaceWindsock]

DD is on the whole a lovely friendly happy girl. However I am really struggling to control her when out the house. She is going through a phase which I believe to be normal toddler stuff where she doesn't listen, pushes boundaries, challenges me etc, which I can cope with. She's never been the sort of child you can reason with, she just zones out or talks over me. I find consequences work best, so if she throws her dinner on the floor she has to pick it up. If she scribbles on the wall she has to "clean" it (even if this means she gives it a quick rub with a cloth and I actually properly clean it). This is working really well and I'm seeing an improvement at home. For hitting, hurting her brother etc I use time out, but this is fairly rare.

What I'm struggling with is her behaviour out of the house. On Friday I took her on the bus to a city near us and to the library. From the minute we got there she was out of control. It's like someone had flicked a switch. Running round like a mad thing, laying across a table where other children wee drawing, stealing their crayons and throwing them on the floor, running at top speed through the library over and over. I spent the entire time running after her, removing her, issuing warnings, following through. The issue was that she wasn't listening, was so worked up that the warnings and consequences didn't have an impact . We left because I couldn't get her to focus and calm down and that didn't work either. She bit my hand so that I let go and then ran off. Over and over, into shops etc.

I strapped her in the buggy and she was screaming thrashing, managed to tip the bloody thing forwards so her legs touched the floor and then tried to run off the with buggy as some sort of huge backpack. I was trying to juggle a poorly baby so couldn't just fireman lift her back to bus as I would have done if I was on my own with her.

She didn't calm down until we were at the bus stop and then it was like a switch flicking again. Lovely chatty little girl, doing everything she was asked, telling me all about the Gruffalo and the bear hiding in her bedroom etc. like a completely different child!

Now I don't drive so we use buses and we have the one buggy as she usually prefers to walk and I can stick baby in a sling if I need her to go in the buggy but don't use it much. So it is harder to get control back. However she used to respond to warnings and a time out, or "if you do x again, we will go home" etc. now she doesn't even hear me and just goes berserk.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar. Is this just a huge tantrum or does it sound worrying? Any suggestions on how to handle it and how to get through to her when she's like that and won't listen. I must say she isn't like this every time we go out, just sometimes, although she is always trying to run off. She's also very friendly, never ever hangs back in social situations which makes it harder to stop the running - she sees a person and wants to run up and say hello.

Sounds like she has energy she needs to burn before she settles. Both mine were like this to some extent so if I was going somewhere where I knew they would have to behave I would take them to the park so they could let off steam and run around beforehand. I had to allow about 1-2 hours intensive running around time before they were settled enough to take out in public. Mine are still lively children and I can really relate to the library incident although mine would just run around being loud and trying to get the other children to laugh at them.
Dd was 2 and ds was 10 months and running everywhere, he had walked at 9 months. Both would not go in the double buggy so I bought them reins and an extendable dog lead each which I clipped onto the back of the reins. Result was they could run around but I was still in control. Just had to be careful when other people were around as they would run in circles around them tying them up. They would think it was hilarious.
Pick your battles. I gave mine a wall to crayon on and woe betide them drawing on any other wall. Make sure she is hungry before feeding her and although she clears up her mess do you replace her meal or do you let her go hungry?

Thanks for your reply, it's nice to know there are others out there with similar DCs! I was so embarrassed on Friday!

With the food, she eats what she's given, if it goes on the floor she clears it up and it goes in the bin. I won't then give her anything else until next meal or snack time.

I'm thinking of getting one of those little life backpack things with the reins? Was hoping that I can use this as a threat when out so that if she runs off again, she has to wear it for a set length of time etc. Do you think that would work?

DS is 8 months and already pulling up on furniture so am thinking he will be walking before 1 year. So yes, definitely want to get this under control before I have two of them charging about. It seems like everyone else has a lovely calm child who sits and reads books with their parents in the library or who walks along nicely in shops etc.

Wouldn't use reins as a threat, more as a thing to use so she can run around a bit more without you having to tell her off. I used the dog lead attached to the reins because the reins didn't really give enough running room.

Definitely develop a thick skin, everyone thought ds was ADHD and couldn't understand why I did not get him tested. I just put it down to him being a lively little boy, but he has really calmed down since he hit 10. On the other hand dd was always the "calmer" one and she has just been diagnosed with ADD they are both dyslexic. Don't know if there is a connection. All I do know is they don't seem to be like other children. They rarely get tired. Dd who is nearly 14 does get tired sometimes but her schedule would bring a grown man to his knees, commutes in and out of London to school, dance, drama and singing lessons 3 night per week straight from school til 9pm, works 9am-6pm Saturday and in rehearsals for 4 hours on a Sunday afternoon,as well as shows on Saturday night. Ds still does a lot but not as much and he seems to exist on 6 hours sleep per night.

Go with it, it certainly makes an interesting life.

Just a thought, someone I knew some time ago had a son age 9 who was similar to your dd, running around, upturning tables and chairs and not listening to anything and generally being like a whirl wind. They knew that his behaviour was not normal. It was even more extreme than my dc. After seeing several specialists they met with one doctor who told them that they must cut out all sugar in their diet. Everyone had to go on the diet, mum dad sister and brother. This was not just about cutting sweets, chocolate, fizzy drinks from the diet but cutting anything that contained sugar such as fruit, yoghurts with fruit baked beans and even some breads etc. They were given a diet sheet with safe foods on and the warning that what they would experience would be the worst 14, I think, days of their lives but if they hung in there lives would be transformed. The crying, pleading and general volume in the house was deafening as even the parents went cold turkey with headaches and generally feeling unwell. At day 12 they were all for giving up but decided they had come so far but could not believe it was going to work as ds's behaviour was worse than ever. They woke up on day 15 to calm, the children were playing nicely down stairs. Instead of shouting and hitting each other with toys. They were talking to each other.
They then were able to introduce a different food each week from another sheet to see the reaction.

Don't know if your dd is as extreme as that but it is worth considering.