Nothing new-Struggling with power struggling 2 year old DD!

[flowerfairy]

DD is 2.9 yo and is extremely bright and articulate. FOr the last month however I am really finding it hard to cope with the constant power struggles over toilet training, going out to get ds from school, cleaning teeth, etc. Always say what's going to happen next so that it isn't a surprise what is happening next.

There is a 7year age gap between ds and dd, and I'm feeling like a failure as dd is wearing me down to the point I lose my temper too.

Dh generally does the bedtime routine to give me a break.
We do lots of other fun things during day-paint, toddler groups, bake, play with toys and also allow her space on her own to play.
Does anyone have any tips or recommend a book because beginning to feel at the end of my tether!

Help! had a horrendous day constant wetting herself and terrible tantrum at 2.55pm trying to get ready for school run and getting into car!

I have zero advice but feel exactly the same. My ds is 2.4 and I have that worn-end-if-my-thether look (at best) by the time dh comes home & he swiftly takes over. Tonight ds had a tantrum cos we were upstairs & not downstairs (wtf?)

Potty training has been abandoned here. I also completely lost it and removed all his toys from the living room. I don't know how to get past it, but wanted you to know you're not alone! DS is 2.5.

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Thanks for messages. Always good to know you're not alone! or to you both.

You're not alone. My son has just turned two - we are in the foothills but the ascent is about to get steeper. Last night we had his first proper toddler meltdown (30 mins of unconsolable howling).

Look on the bright side, she's 2.9, not much longer till she's three and hopefully a bit easier (my DD became a lot easier at around three).

Just take a deep breath and have a whisky once they are in bed.

Thankfully DS has napped today. Lots of power struggling today still.

During his nap I've been boxing on the Wii and I'm all ready for the afternoon now

Hi OP,

My 3 top books of all time are unconditional parenting - alfie Kohn, how to talk....adele faber and laura markham - peaceful parenting

If short on time - why not try ahaparenting Laura markham's( a child psychologist) website -It's worth reading the reviews on her website and see how many people talk about how their family life changed when they stopped the punishments/rewards cycle

I was determined to parent differently to the way my parents did - I was an extremely analytical child and I even now I can remenber quite clearly during these power struggles with my own parents that I didn't want to be controlled and felt my own voice was not being heard!

When I read these books, my own personal experience made sense to me - there was a large volume of evidence that these battles keep occurring because punishments (current discipline techniques e.g time outs) don't work and I mean they don't work even when they seem to "work".

So we didn't do power struggles with our dc - and we weren't permissive either - we used the tools and techniques in these 3 books - which are, quite frankly, amazing ! We essentially emotion coached our dc rather than trying to control them. It's hard work but worth it - ds1 age 7 and ds 2 age 3 are thriving both educationally, socially, and behaviourally.

E.g ds2 (age 3) yesterday when washing machine broke down said to me "You seem frustrated! Don't worry - I'm sure we can call someone to fix it -

He was copying the way we've been talking to him all his life but it still blew me away!

I try to do what sesame suggests but most of the time I fail miserably. Power struggles a problem here too. I'm horrible shouty mummy and she whines and complainsand says "no" all day long. I'm going to re-read "how to talk" as it's time for a fresh approach.

Super chick - I found in the beginning, when I was telling myself not to shout but found I almost couldn't stop myself from shouting , I started humming. It was fantastic - the moment passed and as an additional benefit DS1 would get distracted and say mummy why are you making that sound are you pretending to be a rhino???

Another brilliant tip from ahaparenting is to do a false smile - this sends a message to your brain to calm down - I promise it works and it's good to have a few mantras to say to yourself " this is not an emergency" " DS is behaving as a child because he is a child" etc.

The other thing that I found really revealing was when DS1 was pushing my buttons, I asked myself - what is it about what he's doing that is pushing my buttons? - and the reasons I found were really surprising...