First school parents night and it didn't go well.

[Crutchlow35]

In the 10 weeks or so he's been at school he's turned into a little shit to be frank.

At home he is as we have always brought him up. Polite and pretty well behaved. He attended nursery, sports classes and visited friends and family before school for many years and I have never had feedback like I did from school at parents evening.

Apparently he doesn't behave in class. He throws stuff around, doesn't finish work, doesn't stand still in line ups. Causes problems in the playground, has been on time out numerous occasions, doesn't eat properly at the table etc.

The teacher told me that there was an incident in class and that she had asked for the person responsible to own up. No one did but one child put their hand up and blamed my son. The teacher asked this pupil if she had seen my son do it to which she replied no. Teachers point was that children may start to blame him for things because he is badly behaved in class.

So I asked how we rectify this. A chart system is going to be put in place to monitor his behaviour to play time, then until lunch and then until the end of the day. We need to work together to make sure this doesn't get any worse than it is and I totally agree.

I told a work colleague about it and she was shocked - she knows my son well - and said surely there must be another reason for the bad behaviour.

Obviously I have to agree with the teacher that his behaviour is unacceptable but this is so far removed from how he is normally that I wonder if there could be an underlying issue? Teacher says his learning is fine and coming along well when he applies himself. She told me she sees real potential with the exception of his behaviour.

Now, I am not saying my son never misbehaves but I have gone from having a seemingly reasonably well behaved boy getting good results and feedback until the summer to a boy now in his first year at school and everything has gone wrong.

Please can you offer any guidance? Could it be another reason he is hiding? How do I find out? Or is he just being a little shit and taking time to settle into his new surroundings?

We only get 10 minutes with school as our appointment which is annoying and to be honest I am quite upset that school haven't come forward before parents evening to advise me of any issues so may be they are not as bad as I felt when being told?

My DS1 was an absolute horror in reception! The week before his first parents' evening, he bit another child (the first time he'd ever done such a thing - thankfully the last!). We had LOADS of hitting, pushing, playing rough. I think he found the transition to school a HUGE jump especially being in a big group of children with less supervision than they'd had in preschool.

His teacher was lovely about it, she would put a smiley or sad face in his contact book according to his behaviour and I would reward a smiley face with laptop time. I also did a lot of talking about how to react in situations, using words when frustrated, and above all stopping to think before doing something 'Will this get me a happy or sad face?'. You just have to be patient and consistent.

DS1 seemed to 'click' in the summer term of reception (yes it did take that long), and his behaviour at school has been impeccable ever since.

I really think it's normal (though obviously not desirable) in reception. DS2 (just started reception) behaves perfectly at school but does wee himself several times a week so there's always something

I hope it is just a phase he is going through. We are in Scotland so don't have a reception year. He is 5 and in Primary 1. Thanks for coming back to me. It is helpful to read other parents thoughts.

Lets hope the chart works! Shame she waited until now to raise the issue.

Could you ask for a longer meeting? Put a behaviour plan in place until Christmas? I would want to know:

Who is responsible for ASN in the school? Are they overseeing the class teacher's plan for your DS? Is there a PSA or CA supporting the teacher? How is his behaviour in the playground? Does the PE/Music/Art specialist see the same behaviour? What whole class strategies are already in use?

Thanks Star. This is helpful but I don't know what ASN, PSA mean? I know we don't have a class assistant all of the time.

There have been some issues in the playground (some timeout) and a reluctance to be involved in music and gym. Feedback from various members of staff is the same. Lots of misbehaving that, if are not sorted out now, will make things very difficult for him going forward.

definitely ask for an appointment with his teacher. That's the way forward.

ASN is Additional Support Needs. It's a legal requirement for schools to meet the needs of pupils. This can be temporary or permanent needs, e.g. coping with a new sibling to cerebral palsy.

PSA is Pupil Support Assistant. They are allocated to specific pupils to give extra support. Classroom Assistants support groups of children and give teachers admin support.

Is your DS young in his year group? A Jan/Feb birth? What did his nursery say when he was there? How did he cope? Were there good transition arrangements between his nursery and the school?

Thanks for the above.

He went to private nursery - the rest of his class went to nursery attached to school but as we both work the 2.5 hours a day at school nursery would never work.

Nursery never had problems. In fact I spoke to them today as we use their after school club on a Thursday and wanted to give them the heads up. I spoke to the after school care giver and the owner of the nursery both asked if school we're talking about the same child.

There was some transition although not much. May be 3 hours in total. He was so excited to start school.

He is an August birthday so turned 5 just as he went into school.

Having a slightly similar problem with DS although he is settling down a bit, however several boys (and it is always boys) seem to get this type of feedback at parents evening in reception at his school and end up doing ok by Y1. I like DS's teacher (he has older sisters who had the same one) but she does seem to have very high expectations for some of the little ones. Not remotely saying that throwing things around etc is acceptable but sometimes his teacher does make things sound far more serious than they actually were when you discuss it further with her. Might this be the case at all?

Is he struggling to make peer relationships? That can happen if the vast majority of a class already know each other from nursery. I guess it's another question, what are the school doing to encourage peer relationships for your DS?

I would try to write down as many questions as possible, email them to the HT and ask for a meeting with the class teacher and whoever is managing ASN in order to put together a short term SMART plan from now until Christmas. It can be reviewed either before or after the break (I would advise after). If there are still issues, then another plan can be developed.

Have you heard of Parent to Parent? They are a charity that helps parents deal with schools to get the best outcomes for pupils.

www.parent-to-parent.org/

They can really help you clarify what you want for your child and push the school to put support in place to achieve. It is easier for them as they are not emotionally involved (as parents are). They would give you great advice and support.

Get his hearing tested. Not the reception one, but properly done from ENT.
Ds has glue ear, you wouldn't notice if you met him, he lipreads well, and compensates most of the time. But his hearing test was (official diagnosis) "yuck!".

What I found with ds (and apparently is typical) is that he really struggled in reception. Because, although he can hear 1-to-1, when you put him in a group situation it is so much harder for him to hear, that either he turns off because he can't be bothered, or he gets tired half way through. Lunch was particularly bad as the noise was worse. he also finds loud noise physically painful. All of which left him more likely to lash out, plus loss of concentration, and sometimes apparently totally disobeying (although reality was didn't hear) orders.

The blaming the "naughty one" is common. Gald your teacher picked it up. Also sometimes children use the naughty one to do their dirty work because they know fingers won't be pointed at them.

Funnily enough 2 people have talked to me about him today. One said hearing and the other said eyesight so I am going to get them double checked just in case.

Thanks for the tip re other children getting him to do dirty work for him. Will keep that in mind but I don't want to overload him with dos and donts so that he is too scared to say or do anything.