At breaking point with 19M olds lack of sleep!

[justhayley]

HELP!
Hi my DS will be 19 months on Friday and we co "sleep" and he's breastfed.

To be honest I feel like I havn't got a choice but to co sleep.
DP works away Monday-Friday so I'm pretty much on my own with DS.
He WILL NOT sleep for longer than 10 minutes - literally, unless I'm next to him.

I hate the cry it out method - I gave it a go twice, 1st night DS got in such a state he got sick all over his cot. 2nd night he pulled himself out the cot and hit his head quite badly, havnt given it another try.

I'm just getting really down, I don't get a single moment without DS attached to me. I would love an evening to myself. Please don't judge me but the only way DS will sleep longer than 10 mins is for me to put him to sleep on the sofa where he stays until we go up to bed.

I really want him to sleep properly in his bed from 7pm. I'm trying to do a degree & am getting really behind because I'm getting no time in the evenings to work. It's really stressing me out & it's making me want to call DP and blast him down the phone for being in the military & not being at home to help.

When I put DS in his cot I'm up and down every 10 minutes all night and I know in the long run it's for the best but I'm so exhausted already I don't have the physical or mental strength to be awake any more than I already am.
Even when he's in my bed he wakes up 4/5 times a night but at leat I get an hour or 2 between wakes.

Just needed to let it out tonight before I explode.
Iv managed to read 3 lines and DS is now fast asleep on my chest! Don't think I'll be getting anything else done tonight

I would be thinking whether there is a physical cause for him not sleeping for long. Eg reflux, ear issues, food intolerances would be my guesses.
Also canyou set up a bed for him flush with yours - use mattresses if possible so low and safe. You could do it in his room. Put him to sleep then try moving away after 20 mins (will be in a deep sleep by then) and see if he can get used to sleeping that way gradually?

My ds2 is 19 months,we also co sleep as he is breastfed. He wakes up if I do not have my hand on his tummy or back and he wriggles about all night so I never get a good nights sleep.

My other dcs were the same and did grow out of it around 3 yrs old although dd2 still wakes a lot ( but she has health problems) with ds1 we put his bed right next to ours and he would sleep there quite happily in the end knowing he was next to us.

I should add - my two were/are dreadful sleepers (4 and 23 months) but we minimised the badness once we realised they had reflux and intolerances to certain foods (dairy, soya, spicy foods, too much green veg or onions etc causing wind....). My youngest has just started sleeping through sporadically - but she has quite a plain diet (no onions allowed, minimal peas/brocolli, minimal dairy as she's just starting to tolerate it better).

Def look into allergies, my ds1, dd2 and ds2 have/ had allergies to dairy and egg. Ds1 and ds2 had reflux too.

Thanks for your reply's.

I'm almost positive DS has allergies/food intolerance's but to be honest never thought it could effect his sleep.
He gets horrendous eczema although doesn't tend to itch much at night. His back is covered in dry skin and get gets regular rashes and flare ups requiring steroids and he's had a few courses of antibiotics. Iv repeatedly asked the doctor for allergy testing and have been told it's just eczema and because I have it it's just genetic. After 6 months being treated I was promised a referral to the allergy clinic, then 2 weeks later when I hadn't heard anything I called my GP only to find she left the surgery and hadn't made the referral. I'm now starting over with a new GP -have never mentioned his sleep so will try push that. Thank you.

My HV advice "leave him to cry he'l soon get the message your not coming and leave you alone" bit harsh!

Am going to try and set up camp in his room tomorrow and see if I can give that a go.
At 10.47 he's only just gone into a sleep deep enough for me to move him off me. I'm too shattered to start work now need some time winding down time so will watch some trash tv.

Thanks again x

Give he's BF, I would try removing dairy and soya for a trial from his diet and see if that helps. Just for two weeks. You can give him other foods with calcium - legumes, calcium enriched oat milk etc. if it helps, then demand a referral for a dietician. Don't be fobbed off!

Definitely remove dairy from his diet as a trial re the eczema. Look up Andrea Grace re sleep solutions, think there are detailed threads here about her in the sleep section. It's a gentle form that does involve crying but with you there in the room so they are never abandoned. You keep your hand in them in cot but don't pick them up and reassure them. You need to be willing for them to cry with you in the room for maybe an hour the first time but it very quickly shortens. Don't underestimate how adaptable babies are especially at 19 months when you can explain to them what's happening. Good luck.

I wouldn't sleep train until the possibly allergies are sorted though.