What do You Make Of This?.....

[fimbles]

My dd, 20 months has always been a little shy but as time has gone on, she seems to be getting worse, to the point where she is petrified of PC Plod in Noddy. She has never warmed to strangers especially men (quite common) but now I cannot go the park, playgroup, visit friends, even MIL is not welcome. She hides her face in my body and is VERY upset.

She seems very insecure aswell. When I visited my MIL last week, (we are there approx 4 times a week), I went to the loo and she was distraught, tears pouring from her eyes because I was not in the same room.

When we are getting ready to go out, I call her to come to the door, she will have crying fit because I have not carried her to the door - i get the impression she thinks I am going with out her.

If I say bye bye to the teletubbies at the end of the programme, she again starts crying hysterically because she thinks I am saying bye to her.

She has always been a little like this from a very early age - but it is now much worse and very trying. Any comments, suggestions?

Hi Fimbles, Separation Anxiety can come and go a number of times at this age, I think. DS used to change his attitude whenever he went through a new development in his imagination: for instance, when they are very young, they have no reason to find anything scary, as they have no reference for it, but when they begin to develop more of an imagination, they can think about more 'what if's'...what if Mummy went, what if PC plod chased me...and they have to learn to understand that they are not actually at risk each time their imagination takes them somewhere new. This is the way I interpreted it, anyway. Do you think it could be that? Have you been reading stories about Mummies going away? (stay away from BABY OWLS!).

Hi there, My little boy is more or less the same and your dd. Hes 15 months and lately has become so shy and 'insecure'. Hes happy if its just us at home, he will even play alone yet when others come over with there little one, he is hanging off me.
actually asked health visitor today and she said its a phase and just bear with it, easier said than done!

are you with your dd 247 or do you have time out? Ive always been with alex, hes like my shadow, (ive left him maybe 5 times) i feel thats my cause of his insecurity and plus his father has been coming and going and rowing since he was day dot! what do you think?

fimbles, it sounds like a v. severe separation anxiety as other people here have mentioned. My dd, 17 months, has a milder version of the same thing. I think Christiana's point is good - do you ever get to leave your dd? I think what's made our situation more bearable is that I work 2 days a week and she's with her dad on those days. So she's secure about me going. But because she's either with one or other of us she's also rather wary of strangers. But it comes and goes with her. I've just been to playgroup with her and she was roaming off like a little nomad, smiling at everyone in sight. Last week she was glued to my side. So I can't think it's entirely something I've done or not done and must be internal to her.

yes, its always been dd and me, right from the beginning. She wouldn't at one stage even go to dh, he was very upset about it too. I gave up work when dd was born, so i'm with her 24/7. She looks for me wherever i go and today when we went to the supermarket, i went to pay for the petrol and dh said she was hysterical in the car, (that sort of crying they do when they can't catch their breath) Gosh it's awful, I can't imagine leaving her at nursery. It seems like an impossibility at the moment.

No I havn't beeen reading any stories about mummy leaving but it seems you are all correct in diagnosing severe separation anxiety.

Do u think by leaving them at home with a relative may help. Thinking about it, I don't think I could bear the thought of her screaming for me. What's an easy solution - is there one?

Maybe when she is older it will be easier - to explain that mummy will be back.