Sad and Angry 3YO at Bedtime

[gourd]

I know this is done to death but the cases are all very different. 3YO DD always been so good with going to bed but the last few months, since she turned 3 she doesn’t want to go to bed. She keeps going to the toilet, and sitting on toilet till she almost falls off it when she starts to fall asleep (so clearly needs to go to bed). She will get up five times sometimes to go to the toilet (not usually producing anything) and will sit there for ages unless harassed to get to bed or till she nearly falls off it and wakes herself up just as she starts to fall. Gets very tearful and cross about going to bed now too. Last night I asked her why she was so sad about going to bed. She sais she didn’t want to stop having a nice day. I told her she will have a nice day tomorrow if she goes to bed but a horrible day of she doesn’t go to bed, as she will be too tired to enjoy anything. I told her everyone needs to sleep to have energy to enjoy tomorrow, but she is even worse when she has had a particularly nice day, had ice cream (treats) or done any exciting or new things like swimming, or going somewhere new and different etc.

It seems to me that she is genuinely upset that the nice day has to end. How can I get her to bed happy? I hate seeing her going to bed so sad and usually by the end of it, so angry at being made to go to bed. It’s such a shame. We used to tuck her in and say good night and it was lovely, but now she gets teary, then angry and then teary again and end up going to bed upset -although resigned I suppose. She isn’t afraid of the dark - she sits on the loo in complete darkness and in fact often asks for the light out when she is tired (hates bright light on when she has only just woken up as well) so it isn’t that..

Have you tried reading a story or doing some basic relaxation type story tell ie 'close your eyes and imagine you are walking on the beach, you fly a yellow kite and feel very happy'etc? My son is 10 and has always asked for a 'thought'to ponder as he falls asleep

Some of the tears will be tiredness.

Make bedtime fun - read her a story or even better make up stories? Ds loves me making up stories - which we agree are kept to five minutes and he settles down to sleep afterwards.

I also wouldn't get sucked into discussions - just get her into bed without the long chats - it just delays things.

What is your bedtime routine and timings? Who does bedtime and are you all home by bedtime?

I agree no negotiations or discussion. Have you a bedtime routine? Ie- bath supper and into bed for a story then sleep? If so, re- establish it. She does a wee when she has just done her teeth then hop hop hop into bed for story. Perhaps take her to choose some new story books, take her teddy with her to choose. Maybe a new pair of pyjamas? Also remind her that santa has his elves doing the bedtime checks right now so best not to risk being caught out of bed. Is there a programme she could watch (like the bedtime hour?) that once over signals the start of bedtime routine. No drinks or toilet trips once in bed and a reward chart or putting a sticker on in the morning if she stays in bed all night. After 5 stars she gets a treat (new story book?)

Does she wear a nappy/pull up or is she dry at night?

She has teeth cleaned and shower (and a play in shower with bowl of water and bath toys) at 7pm, has two stories in our bedroom till about 7:30 or 7:40, then goes to toilet on way to her bedroom. Then to bed, then up again to toilet, then to bed, then up again to toilet etc etc ... Actually last night she was actually in bed by 8pm!!! My partner puts her to bed most nights, but last night I told him to be firmer (*which he was) and she went to bed quicker and seemingly happier - a bit of complaining about it, and foot stamping initially, but no tears. I am convinced that as in so many other sutuations, allowing her less messing about actually means she is happier (possibly because she is less tired as she is in bed sooner). i./e. it is much better when we are firmer with her. Worked last night anyway.. will see what tonight is like...

She doesnt watch TV - nor do we really. Sometimes for 30 mins after she is in bed but htatls about it.. I like the idea of the bedroom checks by Sanata's elves.. think giving her responsibilty to ensure her very tired soft toy dragon is in bed by a certain time may also help... She has x amount of lovely nightwear and refuses to wear any of it. She only wants to wear the same tatty (often dirty) T-shirt and a lycra ballet dancing/practice skirt for bed so doubt the new PJs would tempt her. She wont wear trousers anyway.. She has alwasy stayed in bed once actually asleep. Even if she wakes we sometimes hear her but she is happy in bed and she doesnt get up out of bed or come to our bedroom till it is time to get up anyway (not yet anyway!!).. We alsywa give her ten then 5 minute warning before it is actually time to get ready for bed (an ask if there is anythign she wants to do first) as that has always made it easier for us all, and she has always been happy with this - till recently - but just recently she has started to say no and say she doesnt want to go to bed though she will go to clean teeth and shower fairly ahppily and enjoys her story. It's just the final bit that she is stalling on and getting upset though as I said it was a lot better last night.. Thinking of having the story in her own bed now too which might also help..

It sounds like you have the answer - it is just the challenge of doing it. My DD always wants DH to take her to bed and I am sure it's because she gets to muck about for ages.

Yes you do have the answer. Not sure I'd introduce santa's elves - my ds would get freaked out by that!

I think the Santa's elves thing is creepy and underhand. I think that pretend things we impose on our children should only be positive (Santa & he tooth fairy).