Terrible weekend, not liking being with DD1 and not liking myself for it.

[lovebooks999]

Not sure where to start. DD1 is almost 6 and DD2 4.5 so only 15 months between them. 9 times out of 10 any squabbling appears to be coming from DD1 and I see a mean spiritedness in her that reminds me of myself and i do not like.
i shouted my head off maybe 4 times this weekend out of sheer frustration - pathetic that a grown woman cannot control herself but the relentless of it all justs wears me down. We went swimming yesterday morning as we do every sunday and every week there is a row about which one of them comes with me into the shower after and which one goes with dad. DD1 always wants to come with me and then DD2 is upset. Then there is always a row as to which one goes through the turnstile first (DD2 did ) and then crying from DD1 thtat sister always gets to go first and will be first downstairs etc. By the time we got to the car and DD1 would not get into her seat i just shouted my head off.

in the afternoon dad first took DD1 out for a walk and then later DD2 and i played cards with DD1 . we had a great time playing cards and at the end maybe because she wanted to keep playing, i take a plastic plate from the table and she tries to knock it out of my hand and get the crumbs to go on the floor. i put the plate in the counter top and she reaches for it to tip the crumbs in the floor. why does a child just want to deliberately annoy you?

i find her a lot harder to be with than DD2 and i feel ashamed of myself for feeling that.

she started school in september and all has gone very well but her behaviour at home is bloody wearing and every bedtime pretty much she plays up.

i am on my own basically all the time during the week and i think that causes a lot if resentment in me.

i am the adult and i need to get off this merry go round. i have all the books but no energy or resiliance.

It sounds as if your dd's get lots of input from both you and your dh and also good 1:1 time so don't be too hard on yourself.

As you go swimming every Sunday I would try to pre-empt the arguments and, at breakfast, tell dd1 that dd2 will go through the turn style first but that she will shower with you and that next week it will be the other way round. Next week remind them of this before you go. If she argues about it then take dd2 on her own and leave dd1 with dh. I only had to leave ds3 behind once and the problem was solved.

I would also try giving warnings re what is about to happen ie. "this will be our last game if cards and then we will clear the table". "You could help by carrying the plate" or "I will take the plate through while you put the cards away". My ds's 1&3 have ADHD and need plenty of warning in advance of things happening to avoid meltdowns but I find this strategy worked well with ds2 too. I would ask then to sweep up the cake crumbs and give a timeout if they wouldn't.

What about a sticker chart (for both dd's) at bedtime with a treat for 7 stickers. If dd1 messes about then dd2 will get to the treat first. I had a "lucky dip" made up of little toys and stationary items wrapped up and, when they had 7 stickers, they got to "dip". I now use this with ds3's homework. When he finishes his homework for the week he gets to "dip". It really speeds things up.

Hopefully it's a phase and will pass soon!

I would produce a chart for the girls to tick off each week.
Put it on the bathroom door.
Date: Dd1 in shower with mummy, dd2 goes first through the turnstile.
Next week: Dd2 in shower with mummy, dd1 goes first through the turnstile..
etc.
That way you don't get the argument "but it's my turn, she did it last week..."

You can also talk to her about if she makes a fuss about something, then her sister then thinks it's important so wants it too. If she just quietly goes through first, then her sister probably won't even notice. If my dc are anything to go by she'll get it when she's about 12yo.