Any advice for helping a 3.10 yo with social anxiety?

[NumptyNu]

She LOVES the idea of parties, claims she had a great time AFTER the party, but while she is AT the party seems really anxious and grumpy. she also struggles to join in group activities at nursery, much preferring one to one adult company. Sound familiar? Any tips to help her understand that it's ok to be a bit shy sometimes, and to learn how to overcome/cope with the feelings so that she's less inhibited by them?

I was chronically shy as a child myself (had elective mutism as a result) and your dd sounds much less severe which is good. In my case it came from being thrown into situations where I never felt safe eg nursery very young, unknown babysitters etc and I withdrew.
I think what would have helped me would be to encourage me to have a voice and ask what I wanted to do eg would she like to go to the party? So she feels in control. And also to affirm how much you love her, why she's special, how we'll she's done at particular things as could she have low confidence? I did and I have a feeling my experience very different but these things might have helped me. Is there a child you've noticed likes your DD so you could tell her for example?

Sorry if these ideas not relevant as I suspect my shyness for different reasons. I would suggest not drawing attention to her being shy though and just anything that builds her confidence good

Thanks looseleaf. That all makes sense. I'm really struggling to watch her go through it, as I struggled in a similar way as a child (I still do sometimes). I'm aware that I need to try and separate that out and not project my sensitivities onto her, but it's really hard sometimes.

You are right, I think gentle encouragement and reassurance, but also allowing her to go at her own pace and tell me how she wants to handle something would help.

Re the party situation, she gets SO excited about them, but it's just when she gets there that she kind of freezes.

I think that's extremely positive she looks forward to them- suggests that from her point of view she feels perfectly happy and does she talk about the parties in a positive way after too?
. And she is still very young; I once apologised to a Ugandan friend when DD was being shy and she laughed and said she was young not shy which helped me!

I know just what you mean about not wanting her to go through it as you know what it might feel like. If it's any reassurance our DD (6) started quite reticent etc at nursery but I never threw her into anything unexpected/ unwanted and followed her lead and she's grown out of it into such a contended little girl. She isn't the loudest in the class and can lack confidence but incredibly happy and always the most enthusiastic about stuff in a way I don't think I was

My dd [3.5] is also shy in these sorts of situations. It's helped her to be able to label her feelings as shyness. Amusingly she'll say that she's "feeling a bit shy and she'll get over it soon". Sitting on the sidelines of the party in full swing with her is helpful I find. Other parents trying to push her into the middle is not very helpful at all so rebuffing their help politely is useful.
It's helped to get to parties a little earlier so she has a chance to settle in before it is all in full swing and as rowdy as hell. Props like outfits and balloons also seem to relax her into the occasion.
Don't forget it's all new too. Games like pass the parcel and musical statues are easy to play/practice at home. I see lots of rather bewildered children at parties.

Thanks for your support and ideas (and for being gentle with me!)