I don't know what to do with my violent 10 year old?

[QueenBoudicea]

I'm having a nightmare with my 10 year old dd. 99% of the time she is a delight to be with. Funny, loving and caring, but just recently she has started having huge tantrums - mainly because she doesn't want to brush her teeth for example. She gets so aggressive but has started to get quite violent ie hitting me or scratching me. I've had to restrain her by holding her arms which I don't want to do but she's just losing control.

We've tried talking about anger and giving her ideas about what she can do if she starts to feel the rage rising - go into her room and shout or hit a pillow. And that it's ok to feel angry but it's not ok to be violent.

I just don't know what to do. I've just starting taking possessions away when she doesn't do what she's asked and she just told me 'that strategy won't work'

The thing is her tantrums can disappear as quickly as they arise and she doesn't seem to remember much about it. At school she's a model pupil and I think they would be gobsmacked if they knew how she was at home.

Any hints/tips?

You might find this book helpful, the cognitive-behavioural techniques seem to work a treat. HTH.
www.amazon.co.uk/What-When-Your-Temper-Flares/dp/1433801345/ref=pd_sim_b_1

I love the Explosive Child too, but wrt OP's child I am thinking hormones are a big part of it, too. Also, are you sure there are no chronic issues bothering her, otherwise?

Thanks for the book recommendations. I'll see if I can get them out of the library.
Im pretty sure there are no chronic issues. I was wondering if it could also be hormones. I'm not looking forward to puberty.

I had to double check that I hadn't written that, OP! My 10yo scratched my shoulder on Sunday. The reason? I'd taken away the fuzzy felt! She and 5yo DD had been playing together (rare occurence) when she told DD3 that she wanted to make a special picture for her - DD3 didn't want this, DD2 got more and more insistent - could see this escalting as DD3 then threw it on the floor. I picked it up and said that as it was causing an argument it could go away for today, they needed to do something else. DD3 said sorry, DD2 went ape-shit - screaming that I was stealing things, she would take something of mine, then started clawing at me to get the tin of felt. (And hit her 5yo sister, calling her a dumbo and saying it was all her fault) Absolutely feral. Sh didn't get it back, she screamed and shouted then within an hour was back to "normal".

I love the evenings when I am at work sometimes :(