Discipline - am I handling this right?

[Jaffakake]

My ds is 27 months. Basically he's an angel apart from a couple of flash points. The one that really gets me is about brushing his teeth. It's particularly a problem at night, so you can imagine with him being tired, me being tired it sometimes escalates into being being thoroughly angry & him getting upset.

We try to give him notice of the next activity eg brushing his teeth, we follow the same routine every night, so he knows its coming. We'll let him do it himself but generally insist we finish it off to ensure a decent clean. The sanction is no teeth, no story. Usually it works & we'll let him have a story, but sometimes he's just silly, tries to get you to chase him, hides etc - general cute toddler high jinks but he'll go over the line. At which point it's warning, count one two three, warning, then I put him in his cot. He'll react & cry. I leave him like 30 secs, offer him to clean his teeth. Mostly he'll take it, but tonight he acted up again, twice, before me finishing his teeth in bed & him going to sleep with no story. I did the shouty mum thing too & threw his toothbrush in the bath. Normally I don't get that peed off.

Am I doing this right? Am I giving him too many chances? Am I silly in insisting he clean his teeth, when he cleans them in the morning?

I just don't like myself when I get angry.

Teeth cleaning is really important morning and night, so you are right to get him to do this. At this age I was still cleaning my DS's teeth, and did right up until he was 7 (as recommended by dentists somewhere, I read). So he's start and I'd finish the job -'a mummy clean'. (And tbh, he is 12 and if I think they don't look clean enough I will grab the electric toothbrush and clean them myself -he lets me.

You need (may I suggest) to incentivise him. Whatever that takes. Clearly he likes making it a game, so maybe you can work on that. Make it fun for him, let him get something out of it.

And yes, of course you lost the plot a bit and the brush and shouted. You are tired and frustrated. We have all been there and are going back there again.

But take a step back. Work out a plan of how to make it fun.

Do you have an electric toothbrush? You can get really cheap ones that will clean better than a manual in the time period you have.

If he were older I'd suggest disclosure tablets and a dental mirror but he's too young for that, isn't he?

Good luck. Be reassured that cleaning his teeth to prevent fillings and sealants and injections is really worth it!

Have you tried brushing yours at the same time as he brushes his? That works well in our house. It takes the control battle away as DS knows I am not about to sweep down on him as I am doing my own teeth.

I wouldn't adopt sanctions - seems a bit ott for teeth brushing. My dd is a stubborn mare for teeth brushing as was ds. I have much more success by persuasion or trickery. So I ask to see her tiger teeth or ask to brush the cake/biscuit/pasta out or use a mirror in a cheery voice.

What about an immediate reward for doing them rather than a punishment for not. Would he respond to some nice stickers.

I made it into a game rather than using threats - two which worked for us were the "aah and eee song" where you get them to sing a tune, twinkle twinkle etc, with their mouth open going Aaaaah-aaah-aaaah-aaaaah! and then again with their teeth clenched singing Eeee-eeee-eee-eee-eee-eee-eee. To make the sound of the song they have to keep the same mouth position and it works.

The other is where I look in his mouth and say "Ooh, I can see something red, that must be the pepper you had for lunch." and then whatever other colours come into your head. Sometimes I just make one up and say "Purple?! What have you been eating that's purple!" and he either giggles and says he doesn't know or says "It was my juice!" or something like that.

I would also say if you're doing them twice a day at his age it's probably enough to let him do his own for one of those. I'm guessing he doesn't eat much sugar yet, so once properly and once mostly should be fine.

Usually in the mornings I brush mine and he his, the he lets me finish the job. I even bought 'I've brushed my teeth' stickers & the nursery helped by making a fuss when he wore one. He even bushed his teddys teeth the other week. So it's much better. He's too young for reward charts, so,you're right I'll have to think about how to play to the fun side.

And I also try not to use the bedtime story as a sanction - I do fall into the trap sometimes, but it's such a nice close part of the day it seems a shame to stop it over some behaviour.

I like the sound of those games Bertsie, taa. He eats a bit of sugar, so teeth cleaning is a must - although when I was growing up I only was asked to clean them once a day & at 35 I've only got 2 fillings!

Yep, totally agree Bertsie - it feels very rotten really.

Why not cut the sugar then?

Also yes to not taking the story away!

It's not that much sugar - I'm talking Cheerios & raisins!

I could have written your post OP, it's so familiar. My DS is 34 months now and mostly fine about teeth brushing, but occasionally regresses. I stopped withdrawing story time, because I like reading him a story. A lot of the time we must ended up using brute force to get his teeth brushed. Also swapped to non minty toothpaste on the advice of another mum and that helped loads. Currently rocking peppa pig bubblegum flavour.

Ok sorry, misread! I'd cut the raisins though - they are pretty bad for teeth.

My ds is a similar age and the only tactic that really works is to make everything a game. The option you want him to choose has to be far more exciting than what ever he wants to do instead. I feel like I'm on the stage half the time with my Cbeebies jolly mummy voice. I have also been known to make silly squeaky teeth brushing noises to make the whole event more silly and fun for him. How can he say no to spending a few minutes being silly with his mummy?!

Probably a bit controversial and people will be horrified but have you got an iPad/iPhone? We have the Aquafresh app and it's been a life saver. We've used it morning and night for about a month but he is so in the routine of it now that he doesn't have it every time. It's the only thing that has meant my 2.10 yo will let me brush for the full 2 mins (well I do the first minute and he does the second). He loves it.

I'm on an iPad now & ds is obsessed with it. Will look into the aquafresh app cos the gruffalos just too long

Get a toothbrush with something he likes on it. I had a nice gruffalo one, luckily now can get cheapy pirate ones oral b quality save.

I'd tell him that no teeth brush no fun foods then really take away the Cheerios or raisins and tell him why.

You've got to insist so you're doing the right thing. It's a shame to lose story time. A sticker chart in the bathroom & lots if praise "good brushing!", "excellent mouth opening!" Etc. letting him do it himself and just finishing off.

I also tell ds his teeth will fall out then he won't be able to eat anything. Might be cruel but roughly true and anyway he always brushes teeth...

I'd stop with the many warnings but still I'd probably do 123 then fight to brush his teeth. If you're not prepared to do that (hes probably too big) then straight to bed with light off and if he screams tell him he can have story if he brushes teeth. Or walk away. Massive power play. Reverse psychology always works with my ds.

Loving the Aquafresh nurdle dude! Taa backinaminute.

We use the 'Ben the Koala' iPhone/iPad app - has worked wonders. Might look into the aqua fresh one too