Feeling jealous!

[ameliarose2012]

Hi

I'm struggling with feeling jealous of my uncle's baby girl (my cousin). She is 4 weeks older than my daughter (17 and 16 months) and always does everything first.

She rolled over first and coasted on the furniture first. My daughter did take over slightly on the walking, but only by a week or so.

Now she's talking lots more than my daughter. She says, and understands, a lot of words, and even talks in sentences. Whereas my daughter hardly talks at all! She can count to 5, and use a potty. My daughter isn't showing any signs of doing any of these things

I know this shouldn't bother me, but I can't help it! My grandma is constantly telling me what new trick she's learnt. At first I ignored it, but it bothers me more every day.

I really don't want to feel like this :-( It's making me miserable, and making it really hard for me to focus on the things she CAN do.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? I need HELP!

I have been in the opposite situation, my ds is 4 months younger than his cousin but my ds has hit all the milestones first. Ds has just learn to walk (at 10 months ) we are having a family get together this weekend and I am dreading it (the cousin isn't yet walking.)

It is not fun having the very advanced baby, they all develop differently and I find the praise given to me and dp (for encouraging ds's development) really inapropriate. The truth is we have done nothing to help him hit his milestones, he never had tummy time because he hated it, he doesn't have any special toys to encourage his sitting/rolling/standing he just did it himself.

Just enjoy your dc for who they are not what they can do. It sounds like both children are normal, it is not a race, don't start comparing the 2 children as if you do they are likely to compete with each other as they get older.

Motherhood isn't a sprint, it's a marathon.

It might seem like a big deal now, but in a year it will be something you can look back at and wonder what the fuss was about.

"My daughter did take over slightly on the walking, but only by a week or so."
Saying things like that above just makes you sound childish and competitive about something that isn't actually a competition. Your DD is healthy and progressing, so what if she's ahead or behind by a tiny amount of time. Seriously? Give it some rational thought.

You don't want your DD to grow up thinking that this is a good way to think, as it really isn't.

Don't mean to be harsh, but from an outsiders POV it does seem daft.

This is the problem, I am a rational person and can see how ridiculous these feelings are!

I get on really well with my uncle's gf (there's a big age gap, and we are the same age). We take the kids out quite often together, and I enjoy their company.

It's just when there's a big group of other family there (esp. my grandma) I feel like this. I know it's stupid, and petty, and I try my hardest not to let it show, but I can't help it!

I think maybe part of it is that she works part time, so they have a lot more time together, whereas I have to work full time. I suppose part of me feels guilty that she's not getting the time with me that she should.

The reason I posted on here, rather than talked to anyone in person, is because I know what people will think of me. I really hate feeling this way

xxx

I think your gran needs taken to one side and politely asked to keep her comparisons to herself. I'm assuming that she would have hated for people to do the same when her DC were babies.

I'm a SAHM, so I'm not sure about the work issue, but I suppose that could be part of it. Try to not worry, your DD sounds fine :)

My DS is nearly 4 years and my DD is a month or two younger than yours. Your DD seems perfectly normal; be happy!

Something else - do you think that she chats about the cousin to you and vice versa? DS was born a bit early and is running slightly late with all his milestones, so I got a bit when I was continually hearing from (otherwise lovely) in laws about how early his cousin did things etc - but when chatting with SIL I realised that she was also always hearing about how DS was terribly cute and what he was up to.

Could it be a misguided attempt to share, to bring you both closer or even just because that's in their head when they hear of baby stuff?

Or if it is competitive, just take a deep breath and live and let live, there will soon come a point when a month difference will be meaningless and when the cousins will start developing their own clear strengths and not be so comparable. It is totally annoying in the meantime though!

I was thinking the same as Sunnysummer.

When dc were younger I used to think my brother's boys were the golden kids, that my mother thought the sun shone out of their behinds, because she was always talking about them and their achievements to me.

Then I found out that my brother thought exactly the same about my children.

And then I realised that my poor mum was just trying to hold up her end of the conversation: I told her something about my dc and she then felt she had to contribute so she told me about the only other dc she knew about.

I hadn't actually thought of that. Yeah maybe she is just trying to keep us both informed of how the other one is doing. I suppose I'm just naturally protective of my baby and I want everyone to love her as much as I do!

They are both already so different - my daughter is a lot more confident and sociable than her cousin, and I can see already that she is going to have her own strengths. She is quite bright and ahead of her milestones (just VERY, VERY lazy!).

She is lovely 90% of the time, loves her food and her sleep, and is growing up to be a little comedian. She loves to play tricks and laughs all the time.

I just need to chant this to myself whenever I'm with my grandma I suppose! 'This too shall pass'

Thanks guys I guess it all just needed to be put into perspective!

You don't sound daft and I think every mum feels like this at some point! But as they grow up you do realise how milestones are always reached but sometimes months and months apart! My mum constantly let's me know how my nephew is doing, he's 5 months younger than my lo and has been potty trained for 6 months whereas my son is no where near. At first I was thinking what's wrong with him, but his body isn't ready. They are all so different like we are as adults. In a few years you won't care, trust me