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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

What am I doing wrong and what can I do?!!!

12 replies

LindsayS79 · 07/11/2013 21:08

Sorry this is long....
I'm a first time mum to a gorgeous 4month old DD. However I'm worrying a bit about how she behaves compared to other babies around her age. She's a very alert and happy girl. However when I'm out and about at baby groups etc she seems a lot different from other babies.

I notice other LOs sit on their mum's laps and look around at their surroundings quite happily. My LO will only do this for about a minute and then starts to wriggle about, leading to her crying. She loves to be over my shoulder but it's got to be on the move and not just sat down. If I'm in a coffee shop with friends, I can't just sit there with her as she cries.
She also goes into meltdown in her pram after about 10 mins if she's not asleep. She wants picked up constantly and goes nuts if she isn't. E.G. I couldn't pick her up today as the rain was torrential, so she cried all the way home for 15 mins. She got herself that worked up that she continued to scream for 2 hours until she went to bed. I've got a sling but she only likes to face out and I've been told that's a no no.

I'm a very outdoors-type person, but I'm starting to dread leaving the house now as she's so bad. I've been told she is very 'high maintenance' by a couple of folk as she struggles to even sit in her bouncy chair for a few mins while I go to the loo!!
Is there anything I can do to help her enjoy her surroundings more?! I'd love to start going out again as I'm going insane with boredom in the house all day everyday!!!

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PennyroyalTea · 07/11/2013 21:40

I'm in no way best placed to answer, and someone clever will come along in a minute I'm sure. But my DD is 5mo and has just started to sit happily on my lap for more than 10 seconds, and ditto with being in the sling and pram. She's a very chilled out baby but sitting still was not an option - I pissed a LOT of people off in cafes - it's finally not such a nightmare.

I found playing with her lying down and really upping the tummy time helped bring things along, but it may just be coincidence.

Ignore the high maintenance comments, she's just discovering the world at her own pace in her own way...it's frustrating I know but it will not last x

Original poster

LindsayS79 · 07/11/2013 22:09

That gives me a lot of hope! Does your LO still struggle with the pram?

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 07/11/2013 22:15

Agree, ignore all of the comments. They don't meant to upset you.

If she likes facing out in the sling, why can't you do that?

Can see why the coffee shop thing is frustrating. Don't forget that you are just comparing her to a very small group of babies, many have never been near a coffee shop or playgroup at this age. How is she if you give her things to play with?

CharCharGabor · 07/11/2013 22:32

She sounds perfectly fine to me. All 3 of my dds were like this. They always wanted to be on the go and getting a good look at everything; there's no way they would tolerate sitting on my knee for very long! They're still pretty physical now (6, 3 and almost 1), they like to be running around and getting involved with everything rather than sitting watching.

I think the only thing you can really do is just go with it. My dds improved a lot once they could crawl, and again when they walked. They just like to be busy! Maybe try a sling that can go on your back so she can watch over your shoulder?

melonribena · 07/11/2013 22:41

Lindsay, you have perfectly described my now 15 mth old at the same age! We hated his pram, wanted to be walking around all the time and was so different to all the other little babies who lay happily in their prams for hours a day!

It's tough but it's nothing you're doing wrong. It does get easier once they can move!

Hang in there!

Sunnysummer · 07/11/2013 22:53

Nothing wrong at all, she's 4 months old! DS is very similar - he's only just started to be okay in the pram for more than 10 minutes now, at 8 months. I just went with it and wore him in the ergo carrier everywhere, he was much happier and I got amazing toned quads, even if it was a bit of a pain when we were in cafes and my friend's babies were happily chilling out in prams.

Things improved a lot once he was more dexterous and able to play with interesting toys and sit up for himself - he'll now happily sit in a high chair banging things together for ages!

Jakeyblueblue · 07/11/2013 23:46

My ds was the same. He's 2.4 now and still won't sit still. I'm always the mum tearing around the park whilst the other mums and babies sit in the cafe! Hard work but having said this though, he's totally normal and lovely and I wouldn't have him any other way
I got through it by not doing the things I knew he wouldn't do. Everyone told me that I ought to persevere and 'how will he ever learn' type of thing, but honestly its rubbish. Why the hell would a very active, intelligent and inquisitive boy want to sit on my lap for half an hour and listen to other mums talk words he can't understand?? Why would he want to lie on his pram awake but with no stimulation or sit in a restaurant whilst I eat my meal and chat?? You have to pick your battles and making her do stuff that you know she doesn't like and so she then plays up is counterproductive IMO.
My ds had to be glued to me constantly to be happy so I used to get him in the sling and go for walks or just enjoy the 1:1 time with him.
If you do have to do go to groups then pick them wisely. My ds loved the music related ones for some reason.
And finally, don't worry. Totally normal for some and you are def not doing anything wrong. You've just got a spirited one and believe me, they are the best!

Me2Me2 · 08/11/2013 16:40

doesn't sound unusual to me. babies like to be held and they like motion. they grow out of it eventually. my second is approaching 6 months and is managing more time playing on the floor etc., but defaults to being carried and rocked when tired (so from 5pm every day)
Don't worry. Maybe use a sling. And ignore comments - every baby has its own needs.

Original poster

LindsayS79 · 09/11/2013 00:18

Thanks everyone! Glad to hear there are other 'spirited' babies out there!! She is such a character but sometimes I wish I could just meet friends without her playing up while their LOs are sitting looking about!!!
She's funny because she's obsessed with grabbing her toys now but gets frustrated with herself and ends up crying!!!
I'm flying from Glasgow to London in a month and I'm DREADING it already!! I'll have to just walk about up and down the aisle with her while she looks on with her cynical face!!! Unfortunately calpol doesn't help her sleep....

OP posts:

happydaze77 · 09/11/2013 20:01

She's totally normal. Dd was the same, and still is very spirited really. You're right- they're just full of character! It get's much easier once they're more mobile.

Funnily enough, the mums of the 'sit-contentedly-and-gaze-at-the-world' babies are now worried that their dcs aren't crawling/standing walking. . .

PacificDogwood · 09/11/2013 20:08

Huge sympathies

You need 'The Fussy Baby Book' - look it up.

Some babies are very high maintenance and they are very hard work.
DS1 almost finished me off - I am not kidding.

I kept being told that his incessant screaming (lots of medical causes had been ruled out) and poor sleep and inability to tolerate sitting still was a sign of him being bright . I used to say that if he does not grow up to be a rocket scientist I wanted my money back.

Well, dear reader, he's been doing maths 3 years ahead of his class since he started school, so it must be true .

My top tips:
Accept any offer of help, anything. Anybody who makes sympathetic noises gets a job: "Ah thanks, could you put the washing on?" "Could you hold her while I have a shower?"
Do what you have to do to survive: for me it was co-sleeping. The only way anybody got any sleep was if was in bed with me.
Repeat after me: this too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass.. It wiil pass. And she will grow up to be a rocket scientist .

Of course Calpol does not make her sleep; it's Paracetamol, not a sedative. Some babies might calm with it because it's sweet, but that's not what it's for.

You might find you're ok on the flight because the droning of the engines can be v soothing. Fingers crossed for you.

ChazDingle · 09/11/2013 20:46

DS was like that and sorry to say it gets harder once they start moving. All of the other babies seemed to be content to sit on the floor playing with toys but DS was always off messing with something he shouldn't be.

He never slept well in the day and dropped naps completly from about 18 months.

Like poster said above DS does seem to be quite clever so i think thats the upside. He's 3.6 now and is still hard work compared to other kids - he is least likely to sit still for a story at playschool for example. If something doesn't grab he attention straight away he won't give it a chance.

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