How do you all deal with stupid fucking tantrums?

[Ezza1]

And by stupid, I mean over stupid things. This morning the sky was the wrong colour It should have been blue but it was grey. Then there was too little milk on the cereal, then too much. Then he didn't want that fucking cereal, he wanted a different one Everything else was wrong in between. Then he point blank refused to get in the car. All before 0730. Then he came home from pre school and everything was wrong. Too much to bloody list. It was a moan a minute.

This is 3 year old DC3 I'm talking about. He is so sodding contrary.

I KNOW these things are important to him. I know he is testing/pushing boundaries. I know its likely to be a phase. I know he is learning... blah de blah blah but how the fuck do I deal with it? He is driving me utterly insane.

How do I learn how to remain calm? How do I respond to ridiculous pre schooler outbursts? Help me!!! I need tips on how to survive this. I need tips on how to de stress and get my relationship with DS back. This is just a small snapshot. His behaviour is really atrocious at times and is affecting the whole family and I'm starting to resent him for it.

*Please nobody mention fucking sticker reward charts

Parroting back to my DS how he felt did work well. You wanted blue sky? Yes! So do I. Go away grey sky you are not nice.

You didn't want so much milk? It's annoying when there's so much isn't it! Let's tip some away.

Your angry because you don't like these socks. You wanted different ones? Etc.

Agree the milk jug works well we did that! Medals for patience are needed!

Yes to the milk thing! And also yes to less choice. Especially when it comes to food as ds is likely to be hungry so he will meltdown if he asks for something which I know he doesn't normally have.

10 hours a night doesn't sound like enough if he's not having a nap. It must be hard getting a set bedtime with a little one and two older ones but worth a shot. Or seeing if you can trick him into a mini power nap in the day eg a trip in the car post lunch or stick in a pushchair (if you have a double) while your 18 month naps in there too - which is what I did when ds was 3 and dd a similar age to your youngest.

Agree with being silly as a distraction, doesn't always work but worth a try.

Also try relating things to something they're interested in eg we need to brush your hair with the spider-brush, eat your spider shreddies, put on your spider clothes, spiderman doesn't go out without spider socks on. And so on and so on

Above all I try to keep myself calmer than ds is. I find this really helps both of us plus reinforces the top dog thing.

Went to Tesco yesterday after visiting a friend with my four year old. He had had a late night prior to this and had just had an energetic few hours playing with friend's child. He was ratty but I absolutely had to get a few essentials. It was pouring with rain and we had to get the bus home after that. All a recipe for horror.
My son saw a tiny car from the cars movie near the till. He said loudly 'I want that car'. I said you might get it for Christmas' and tried to distract him. He wasn't having any or it. He screamed the place dwon, tore around the supermarket. I had to drag him out. On the bus he was still on about the car. A fellow passenger gave him a sweet.
When we got home he was shattered. There is no point in time out, etc when a toddler is over the edge like this. I agreed with everything he said (pretty much) gave him an early night and today he's fine. We had a brief discussion about his behaviour. I didn't want him to think too much about the car. If he hadn't been over tired and behaved like this I would have had time out when we got home but he most probably wouldn't have behaved in this manner if he wasn't over wrought.

Lots of good ideas.
Yes to staying calm. That's obvious but difficult. I find it's worth the effort and I have to keep checking myself to be strong and calm.
I am practicing with treating each day as a new one so I don't carry too much guilt for yesterday's imperfect t parenting. And that helps me with staying calm and positive.

Sorry, Zing. looks like I miss read you intentions.
Very sorry.
Tantrum over. Dummy back in pram.

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Hi Ezza how old is new baby? Don't underestimate the impact of lack of sleep and general upheaval, and be kind to yourself

Baby is 7 weeks knock Luckily I have managed to have another baby (2 out of 4!) who sleeps in long stretches during the night - this has helped immeasurably during these first weeks!

I think just by writing this thread I have helped myself to realise that I really need to make changes in myself to benefit DS. I'm feeling positive but now I need to work on the rest of the family to follow my lead so its consistent.

I used to hum a lot to myself on the principle that if I was humming I couldn't shout at them.

On reflection I realise this is not that different from the advice given to dd by paramedics in later years, that if she counts loudly to 100 she will stop hyperventilating.

And music has a soothing effect anyway.

Distracting didn't always have much effect on dd, but at least I could distract myself from the tantrum.

Not much to add to the great advice given above. The guiding principle for me trying to deal with both Ds's at that age was to give them as much power as possible over the little things. Make them feel they are deciding what to do. So for the car example above, instead of saying you might get that for Christmas (he has no control over this) I might say 'you could put that on your Christmas list' or 'granny was just asking me what you would like for Xmas.Maybe we could go home and you could find a picture of the car and we'll send it to her, so she knows'. I dint always get it right, but these two have diverted a number of toy related meltdowns!

We do the milk jug thing. And put yoghurt low down in the fridge where my three year old can reach it and choose his own rather than have me bring it to him.

It is such hard work though.