Hey all, no real solutions here but just lots more sympathy....my 11mo DS is exactly like this. He is very grumpy and spends much of the day whining and grizzling. He hates having bum changed, teeth cleaned, being put in buggy, car seat, having socks and shoes put on, coat on etc etc....all result in back-bending screaming fit (I am that mum in the shopping centre that everyone else is looking at with derision/pity).
I keep getting told by people that he is probably going to grow up to be really intelligent and this will all turn out to be massive frustration on his part about being a fairly helpless baby (cant walk, cant talk)...I am clinging on to this hope!! NB I have not seen any signs so far of extraordinary intelligence, his development is all average 
My friend assures me that her baby who was like this for the first year of her life, grew into a lovely toddler so there is hope.
It is so hard and so isolating though. I look at other mums whose babies are nearly a year old and they all look so sorted, like they have got their lives back. They are all thin and shiny and happy looking and I am a frazzled fat wreck with my newly-grey hair sticking out at crazy angles where DS has wrenched at it, toothpaste all over my clothes from the wrestling match we had this morning to get his teeth brushed, sweat patches under my arms from chasing him round MIL's house trying to stop him sticking his head in the fire/pulling crystal ornaments down/eating dog toys etc etc.
It is just exhausting.
I am going back to work 3 days a week in December and am ashamed to say I am really looking forward to it. The idea of sitting on a silent commuter train for 30 mins twice a day,reading a book and listening to my ipod sounds heavenly. I feel terribly guilty about feeling like this (whole other thread) and I am so worried about whether DS will settle in nursery (like you, clueless he's not really been looked after by anyone other than me)....but I know that for the 8 hours a day i am in the office/on the train I will feel so HAPPY. God that sounds selfish doesn't it??
Btw clueless not saying you have, but have you ever spoken to HV or GP about whether you might have PND? I only ask cos I have had it, and a lot of things in your post ring very true for me. I do genuinely believe that some babies are just MUCH MUCH harder work than others. We all need to hang in there.