Dd 7 will not go to sleep before 10.30

[Orangeanddemons]

Am at my wits end. She has always been an owl rather than a lark, but since turning 7 in the summer she just won't sleep.

We have always always had routine of bath, supper story and bed. However, now she plays in her room, reads, colours, everything except bloody sleep. I often hear her banging about when I'm in bed. I go to bed early.

I am really struggling here, partly because I'm a real stickler for proper bedtimes and routines, but she just won't sleep. Ds was asleep at 7.30 every night at her age. I think she is overtired, and has got into a habit of less, sleep, hence less sleep. Dh disagrees, he thinks she just isn't tired. She doesn't ever act tired, but is very hard to wake up in the mornings. She's not ever grumpy or Whitney with tiredness, and always seems raring to go.

Do I need to just relax about it?

What time does she go to bed? DD1 is a bit older (now 10) but also a bit of an owl, and we found her sleep was revolutionised by sending her to bed at 8.30 rather than 7.30.

More outdoor exercise? I always find that works for me. Or, swimming? If I swim everyday of the week, I am far more tired and go to bed at 9pm - straight to sleep!

I'd do a deal of a certain amount of trying to go to sleep at certain times.

If you put her to bed at say 8.30 she has to try to sleep until 9 and then she can read or play in bed until 9.30 when she has to try again.

I've got two who have always had sleep issues and the most effective strategy before medication was audiobooks. They keep their brain engaged but they are lying still in the dark.

They are expensive we borrow them from the library free.

She goes to bed about 8-8 15. Then bangs about for 2 hours. Until last summer she was going at 7:30, but was still awake for ages.

Story DVDs just don't work, we've had to remove them, she gets so involved in listening to the story that she won't go to sleep.

We do the trying to to go to sleep thing, but she lies there for about 20 mins, then complains she isn't tired.

She gets a fair amount of exercise, walks to school and back, play times etc, but no specific exercise outside of school.

I wonder what putting her to bed at 7.00pm would result in. It has always been difficult to spot her sleep window, and I wonder if we're missing it, but dh thinks I'm talking crap

Ds3 (7) goes to bed between 9pm and 9:30pm. He is up at 6:30 ish. He never seems tired. He swims twice a week and does two sports a week after school. I think it's just him. If I try to put him earlier it backfires and he is awake till all hours. The hour change has put him wrong though!

I would wear her out before bedtime- before it gets dark get her on a walk, on her bike, running around in the fresh air, whatever the weather!

I would up the excercise after school. I know the weathers miserable but can you buy her some wet gear, get yourself a coffee to take away and let her play in near park for 30mins or scoot around etc. maybe take her swimming. Recommended is 3 hrs activeness at this age. So walking to and from school is probably not enough

I would also change her room around. Remove everything that she has toy wise to another room. Leaving just some teddies/ and books. No games/ pens etc etc. if you can't move them elsewhere permently then try for just a month or so to break the playing habit.

I would do in bed for 8pm, and then allow reading with dimmed light until 8.30pm. You read the first few pages as bedtime reading, let her continue, then say you will return to read 2 more pages after her own reading time. Once you have read again the books go away, kiss goodnight and turn off light. No more reading/ playing etc after.

It's quite dark atm but I would make sure for summer that she has blackout blinds and curtains also to continue the pattern.

Also no tv/ screen time 2 hrs before sleep. So if your aiming for lights out at 8.30pm then none after 6.30pm.

Maybe you need to experiment with earlier and later.

Earlier never worked for us. It always meant they were awake longer but you perhaps need to try it as your DD is a different child.

What about a relaxation CD and some deep breathing exercises?

You sound very like me Artandco, they would be my tactics.

My 8 yr old has exercise outside of school 5 times a week (martial arts/ swimming gala/ swimming club) as well as v active in park most evenings after school.

Her bed time is at 7.30pm (stories and good bedtime routine) and she doesn't fall to sleep until 9.30. Up at 7.30am.

Inexhaustible.

Well I put her to bed much earlier tonight. She was asleep by 8:30, which was a first, but as I expected dh was wrong and I was right, as I suspected she needed an earlier bedtime.

I don't know how you lot manage to get them exercising in the evenings, I work 3 days a week, and can't collect her until 5:30. It's pitch black by then. Even on the days I can collect her, she doesn't come out until 3:30, which doesn't give much time until nightfall

There is no need to exercise in the evenings, so long as she has had plenty of exercise during the day.

In fact, exercising just before bed can have the opposite effect of waking you up, and making it harder to sleep.

She needs to do quiet things before bed, and it does sound like an earlier bed time looks promising, as well.

I think there's a technique where you take away the struggle around going to sleep. So if she regularly goes to sleep at 10.30, you firstly put her to bed to sleep at 10.30, and hopefully she goes straight to sleep, without any difficulty. Then you gradually advance bedtime by a small amount every few days, say 10 minutes earlier. You keep a set wake up time every day including weekends. This book I think gives this technique and is good Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems.

Dd1 is nearly 15 and has always been like this - I am still struggling with getting her to go to bed at a reasonable hour on a school night!

Make sure there is no entertainment going around the house.
Reading/playing at least is productive than rolling around and staring at the ceiling.

My DD1 is just the same. It started from when she was about 4 or 5 (before that she passed out on the dot of 7pm). We did everything we could think of before finally giving up and accepting that she didn't need so much sleep. She's 8 now, but routine has been the same for at least a year. I let her stay down until 8pm (easier to get the 2 younger ones to bed without her anyway), she can read or draw or fiddle around, but obviously no TV or screens) often she prefers to finish her homework then to give her more time to play with siblings before supper. I send her up at 8pm (she is quite capable of bath / shower on her own with me keeping an ear out) and she is allowed to read in bed (but nothing else), with lights off at 9pm. She is generally awake much later than that (10 / 10.30 like your DD) and I am aware of (and slightly ignore) the slippage of lights out to 9.30 and the illicit torch use. At least with a clear routine and knowledge of what is expected of her things run smoothly and I think that if she is at least in bed from 8 ish hopefully she is resting if not sleeping.

Let her keep lights on as much as she needs. Torches/flashlights will damage her eyesight :(

Sent her up earlyish again tonight. Asleep 8.45 again. So once again I was correct, so yah boo shucks to dh

I wonder... Parents who emphasise on going to bed early.... Do you have any help when a child wakes up at 3-4 a.m. and can't go to sleep until nearly when its time to get up???

Let her keep lights on as much as she needs. Torches/flashlights will damage her eyesight

Could you link to the research to support this please Nataleejah