Hi All
As a dad of two daughters aged six and three, this is my first post so apologies in advance if a) my post is a bit long and garbled and b) I go against any forum protocol (unfamiliar terminology, etc)...
So, my inquiry may seem innocuous/standard enough but it is enough to bring me here.
Our six year old daughter is bright, happy and sociable, however she is very sensitive and suffers from occasional (though frequent enough to merit further investigation) emotional 'meltdowns', whereby she evidently needs to release pent up anxiety. It usually involves uncontrollable crying, often accompanied by the lengthy repetition of phrases such as "I want to stop crying" and "I want to say sorry" - which can carry on for upwards of 20 minutes or so (i.e. scores if not hundreds of the same statement at a time).
She has always been a massive crier since she was a baby, i.e. not frequent but massively intense when it does occur.
We have NEVER asked her to stop crying, nor say sorry for doing so. On the contrary, we try and reassure her because she's clearly feeling vulnerable for some reason, but subsequent conversations 'in the clear light of day' don't reveal much if anything. It's not - or doesn't seem - that she's reluctant to talk about it afterwards because she feels she's been naughty, it's more that since the emotional release has occurred it's no longer of importance to her (ad infinitum). At least that's my take. But this approach is obviously not working because it continues to occur over the years, and I'm really keen to nip it in the bud before the 'problem' manifests itself more broadly (if at all).
It's irrelevant in the grand scheme but her teacher recently said, "..and she kept on saying 'I want to say sorry' but I tried to explain that there was no need...", i.e. there might be an external view that we try and make her say sorry for getting in a tizz, which we've never done. I say irrelevant - that's probably a bit defensive because we don't feel we're creating the situation, but there's clearly a balance between justifying yourself as a parent and trying to get to the bottom of the issue without others casting aspersions. Again, she's a truly wonderful DD (did I get that right?) but there remains this anomalous glitch which we can't seem to collectively nail.
One other thing - my partner and I tend to align on how to approach the issue at any one point in time which, almost entirely consistently until now, has involved trying to reassure DD. But we're getting to the stage when the 'carrot' might be replaced by the 'stick' - metaphorically of course! Whilst it's my suggestion to be a bit more 'old school', I'm not actually convinced that she's being manipulative so it could end up being counterproductive.
One further thing - more often than not this relates more to interaction with Mummy than me (80:20 at a rough guess), e.g. she will often 'melt' when Mum takes her to school but not when I do, or 'melt' when Mum is off out for an evening of fitness, or with friends or whatever it may be. But, on the face of it at least, there's no big differential in our relationships. We all have fun generally speaking. That's not meant to be an accusatory 'finger point' in Mum's direction - just that there's a significant pattern which, given our pretty balanced parental roles, doesn't seem to add up.
Comparatively it's probably not a big deal but the stark difference between DD's usual relaxed outlook and seemingly random emotional outbursts - over which we have absolutely no control - are leaving us scratching our heads.
Any thoughts welcomed!
Love to all from a flummoxed Dad.