20 mo does not want to eat

[r2d2pink]

Ladies,

Apologies if this has been discussed many times but am in need of some solid tips here. My 20 mo has not been eating properly for the last 2/3 months. He used to be a good eater, but recently started fussing over his food, gradually eating less and less. I used to batch cook for him and feed him by himself, but moved to shared meals, as in I would sit down and eat the same food with him. I alternate between spoon feeding him and letting him feed himself but it does not make any difference. It has got to the point that he refuses to eat anything I place in front of him. He usually has a fruit salad or yoghurt for dessert, which he does love. I tell him that he will not have this if he doesn't eat but he doesn't budge. An hour later I usually give in as I don't want him to go the whole day without food.
Family meals (i.e. with daddy and guests) do no fare much better.
Other than that he is full of energy and seems very happy. I understand toddlers go through phases of not eating much but this has gone on too long. Help please.

I suspect the answer lies in your comment about usually giving in an hour later. Sounds like he does eat, but he eats the bits he wants outside of mealtimes, ie not when you want him to.

He will not starve himself. Take the food away without fuss if he doesn't eat it during mealtimes. You can bring it back at snack time if he's hungry then. Sounds like he's realised that if he waits long enough, the savoury stuff is optional!

Hhmm you might be onto something there lol I will give it a try. I thought one hour was sufficient to avoid holding out for the 'good stuff' but clearly not!

Don't engage in any sort of battles or waiting games.

Decide what food will be available and put it in front of him. When you have finished eating clear his food away too and move onto the next course. The healthier the better and only the amount you are happy for him to have.

Again leave it in front of him while you eat then clear it away.

Never encourage him to eat. Don't try to spoon-feed him. Don't comment on what he has or has not eaten.

If he's eaten very little or no savoury and a just sensible portion of fruit or yoghurt he will feel hungrier at the next mealtime.

Being hungry makes food more attractive. Allowing children to feel hungry at the next mealtime is perfectly reasonable and it helps them to enjoy their food. It isn't a punishment and it isn't cruel.

If you feel compelled to offer a snack, make it something you would be happy for him to eat as part of a meal so he is getting the right balance of foods.

Remember, it is his job to decide what to eat and when to eat it. It's your job to make a balanced diet available for him to choose from.

It is not your job to make sure that he eats.

Just out of interest, what milk does he have and how much each day?

Thanks for your suggestions Ladies!
Goldmandra: the problem is that he is perfectly happy with a yoghurt and fruit salad for the day and does not want to touch the savoury stuff, which is why I am wondering if I should cut these out and see if he will go back to savoury meals. Our meals are very healthy and tasty. Even meals he used to love like spag bol don't do it for him anymore.
JJJ: I give him 200ml of milk each when he wakes up, has his midday nap and goes to bed, so 600ml in total. Is that too much?

there is a really great book called 'My Child Won't Eat'. It give you lots of ideas. I also never gave desserts after a meal often children's yogurts are full of sugar so never seen them as a better option unless you buy the two brands that don't add extra sugar to them.

600ml seems like a lot. My 19mo has 300ml, split between breakfast and bedtime cup. Perhaps gradually cut down the midday one and see if that helps?

OK, so I will cut down a bit on his milk consumption and desserts. Hopefully that will do the trick. Will also read the book for more tips. Thanks again everyone. Your ideas make total sense. I just needed them spelled out :-)

I second all of above DD is 20 months & has just come out of this horrible & stressful bloody phase. Thank god.

Milk is 300ml split throughout the day.

She is given breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner & then mega expensive non added shite yoghurt. She went through a phase of literally just eating (some) fruits & the yoghurt.

It went on forever. Mealtimes made me feel so anxious & stressed - which never helps but easier said than done not to feel like that!

After like you, trying everything i could think of to persuade her to eat i did as above, gave food, offered no alternatives & put it in the bin if she didn't eat it. To my astonishment, it bloody worked & she's gone back to eating EVERYTHING with no fuss.

Like you, Spag Bol was a huge hit before & afterwards, spat out & refused.

It is just a phase, be consistent & set the mealtimes. Be firm & he'll eat when he's hungry - they will not starve themselves!!!! good luck. Let us know how you get on

You need to change how you're thinking. Don't offer him things you'd rather he didn't eat. Yoghurt is a very sugary treat in most forms so either change to a healthier yoghurt that you feel happier about or stop offering it.

If he has a little less milk, no sugary treats and has a selection of things he used to enjoy in front of him with no pressure to eat he will eventually start eating.

For a short time he will probably keep eating just the fruit and the yoghurt but you need to stop concerning yourself with what he chooses and just make sure you only offer what you're happy for him to eat.

Can I hijack for a second please? My DD eats loads of fruit. I am aware that fruit contains lots of natural sugars - should I limit this? Feels weird to limit fruit intake!?! am I being an idiot in even thinking this!?!

MrsRV you're not being an idiot at all and it depends on what else your child is eating. If she has nothing else sugary in her diet and eats a reasonable amount of protein and low GI food to keep her energy levels steady I see no harm in lots of fruit. However your idea of lots may be very different from my idea of lots.

Fruit can be high in sugars and quite damaging to teeth but it is also much better than some other foods.

My advice would be to think about how much you feel is appropriate or healthy of any food group and not make much more than that available too often.

Your job is to make a selection of the right foods available from which your child can choose a diet which is right for them. It's perfectly reasonable to prevent massive excess in any area as long as palatable alternatives are available.

MrsRV it sounds as though we have the same child! Loves his yoghurt and fruit salad! I will print all your tips and put on the fridge. Feeling more confident now :-)

Mrs rv- you can always do half fruit/ half veg to reduce sugar from fruit if worried. Ie a snack of cucumber and and orange or carrot sticks and apples.