Please help me! Discipline techniques needed for nearly 6yo!

[JUN0]

Please help! I'm at the end if my tether!! My nearly 6 year old son is uncontrollable!! He does what he wants, when he wants with no care for consequences! He constantly leaves a trail of destruction behind him where ever he goes, he doesn't clear up after himself despite being asked to over and over and over again!!!

Unless.....he feels like it! When he is in a good mood and wants to please he is literally the sweetest boy you could imagine!! He's loving and cuddly and helpful and everything you'd wish for!!

But when he's bad he is really bad!! I hate to shout and lose my temper but it often feels likes that's all I have and I know it's not helpful and doesn't make any difference!!

I'm in desperate need of some discipline techniques! I've tried reward charts etc which work for a short time but the rewards never seem enough!!

I have a lot of stuff going on and am generally stressed anyway which I know doesn't help but I have no plan of action when he misbehaves which is when I get frustrated and angry!

I struggle with knowing if I'm being fair or unfair and if I'm being mean (for instance not letting him have something he wants or if his sister has something different etc) or if a consequence doesn't fit the crime etc.

I would also like them (my 2 children I have an 8 year old girl too) to help around the house - put their washing in the wash box, keep their rooms tidy, put their clean washing away NICELY! but getting to do these things is exhausting!!!

I just feel like I'm constantly moaning at them or shouting at them!! Destroying their self esteem!!
I don't want to be THAT parent!!

Like I said I have other things in struggling with including their dad who left us a few years ago for someone else and who had recently moved back in with us and I'm struggling with that and he lets my son down fairly regularly but either being out a lot so my son doesn't get to see him and recently couldn't come on a family trip due to work which really upset my son after he had been looking forward to spending time with his dad!

Sorry this post is rather disjointed - just spilling it out I'm afraid!

Poor you, you do sound really stressed and perhaps that is having an effect on your relationship with your son.

You mention your ex and your DC but not much about yourself. Are you back with him? Is he helping out with the house/childcare/finances? Do you get any tine for yourself?

It might be worth talking to your old HV, school or children's centre. His teacher should know if there has been a change in family circumstances which may affect his behaviour and one of them may know of sone local parenting courses in your area.

If you can, when he's in bed tonight try to write down what the triggers are for his bad behaviour. Could it be when he's tired, hungry, upset about his dad, when you are stressed? Is he getting his 12 hours a night?

Then try to think of how you are you are going to address each one or what you are going to do when its all going pear shaped.

Have a look in the library for this book or this book too