What do you actually do when your toddler is having a full blown tantrum..?

[driedapricots]

Just wondered what everyone else does. When they have those crazy, about nothing, kicking & screaming tantrums.. I don't mean 'normal' tantrums - I mean the mammoth ones. My ds has between 1-4 of these a day..& usually I start off calm but after about 10 mins of getting nowhere & escalating screaming, I lose it & resort to threats to smack & on bad days hands up I smack out of utter desperation to get thru to him.. After a warning & very controlled on back of legs.. But I know it's not right.. In fact by that stage it's all absolutely pointless as he can't see or hear me for screaming.. I can't walk away as he throws things around & is a danger to himself.. So what techniques do others use that work?

Mine is 2.2 and even though his speech is still quite unclear, getting down on his level and asking him to use his words really diffuses a situation. Ignoring him winds him up even more. Or if the little buggerlittle darling starts to hit me out of sheer frustration, I put him in another room and close the door, thirty seconds of quiet, then I ask if he's calmed down/finished hitting mummy, and he always replies yes and comes out feeling much brighter. It's hard. My son's tantrums are nearly always related to tiredness, hunger and the quality of food he gets on any given day.

Mine is 2.2 and even though his speech is still quite unclear, getting down on his level and asking him to use his words really diffuses a situation. Ignoring him winds him up even more. Or if the little bugger little darling starts to hit me out of sheer frustration, I put him in another room and close the door, thirty seconds of quiet, then I ask if he's calmed down/finished hitting mummy, and he always replies yes and comes out feeling much brighter. It's hard. My son's tantrums are nearly always related to tiredness, hunger and the quality of food he gets on any given day.

stopgap am reading this thread for tips to be ready for when the next big one strikes. Could you expand on your point about their diet? Do you find that certain foods make things worse?

For sure. I don't know whether this accounts for all children, but my son does far better on the days when he eats things like brown rice, lots of green veggies, fish, chicken, brown rice noodles etc. than on Saturdays, which invariably start with a ham and cheese croissant (white carb) and end on pizza and chips (more white carbs). He eats a really healthy diet midweek, when I cook for the household, but we often get busy on weekends or like to go out, and I do see more evidence of him crashing and burning, so to speak.

I also wonder if gluten could be a factor, too. I have autoimmune thyroiditis, so don't cook with any gluten (hence all the brown rice and quinoa we eat midweek) so he only really eats wheat products at the weekend.

Thanks for the info stopgap that's very interesting, I will definitely keep an eye on what food she is getting on weekends- always more rushed here then too.

Ok just had a mammoth 40 min tantrum from ds.. He was tired & wanted his dad to put him to bed- but he's out tonight. It was by far the worst one he's had but I stayed relatively calm despite the kicking, hitting & pinching & only raised my voice once when he bit me really hard!!! My dd was getting upset too so it was all very stressful but he eventually came out of it when I offered her a Jaffa cake & he wanted one too!!! I have the usual feeling of adrenalin & stress after the event but am guilt free knowing I did not lose my temper. Thanks for all your advice - things I had read on this thread kept coming to me thru the tantrum & really helped. Hope I can deal with next one in the same way...off for a glass of wine now!!

Well done! All kids will tantrum, its their only real way of communicating frustration and upset, but they key thing is to show them that that isn't going to get them what they want. Nice cuddle afterwards to help them calm down again. And, yes, a jaffa cake

I think it's worth remembering that tantrums can be pretty frightening/overwhelming for the child too - they completely lose control of their emotions. You need to stay in control of yours or the whole situation will seem unsafe to them. They aren't deliberately being naughty or trying to piss you off.
Copied that advice it makes sense to me.

I used to hum to myself to keep losing my own temper.