Come and tell me your 5 yo is also a fucking nightmare and make me feel better

[ThreeGoMad]

DD is (recently) 5 and entirely capable of still tantruming like a 2 year old, and for the most random ridiculous reasons, like me mishearing her or not knowing that there's a girl in her swimming class called Jessica.

Today on the way home from school I ended up pulling over and parking for about ten minutes as I was finding it hard to focus on driving. She was furious (to the point of being unable to breathe properly) because I'd put her water bottle in her book bag.

She started school in September so I was expecting her to be tired etc but leaving school seems to be a massive trigger point. She is amazingly well behaved at school (at parents' evening her teacher said she'd like to have a class full of DDs and I think I visibly paled) so it's like she's been storing it up all day and has to release it as soon as she gets out - it's a rare day we make it all the way home without some sort of screaming fit.

Not really looking for any advice, just tell me I'm not alone!

No, perfectly normal I think! Take a snack when you pick her up - it helps.

It is most likely tiredness from what I gather from your op. Starting school is such a culture shock, also she's probably starting to explore the idea that Mummy isn't all powerful and so on. I'd expect it to settle down over the coming months. All I would do is probably all that you are doing already i.e. making sure she's getting plenty of rest and downtime, same goes for you op.

You're not alone!!!! My dd also started in September and if she falls asleep in the car on the way home will have a massive catastrophic meltdown if I try to wake her up...she will then not eat her dinner and will refuse to go to the toilet. I have to leave her in a heap until all the tears have gone, it's awful.

Never thought I would be looking forward to half term so much.

I get through with the

You are not alone. School pick-up time has been such a flash point and I never knew which version of DD I would get. Mine is now in Yr1 and I definitely see an improvement though so don't give up hope.

Have had tantrums for all manner of unfathomable reasons but on reflection most are linked to either (a) hunger/tiredness or (b) me not understanding/knowing the answer to a question that needs to be answered with a definite answer RIGHT NOW.

I found that ambiguous answers (sometimes, maybe, IDontKnowButLetsLookItUp) made things worse but DD is now starting to grasp that sometimes there isn't a clear-cut answer to every question, which has helped enormously. As has always having an array of snacks.

Thanks! :)

Yep, I take a small snack eg biscuit, piece of fruit, cheese, then give them something more substantial when we get home, or I just get pestered ALL afternoon for food, until dinner when they then don't eat

It probably is tiredness - she goes to bed at 8 (relatively late but earliest we can do once we've eaten after DH gets home then done bath etc) but doesn't actually go to sleep until later, and she's usually awake from 6 or 6.30. Most afternoons I just plonk her in front of the telly after school because I think she needs to unwind, though she does now have gymnastics one day and swimming another.

I think most of the tantrums are when she thinks I'm disagreeing with her (even when I'm not!) - might be worth keeping a note of what kicks them off maybe and seeing if there's a pattern

Thanks for letting me vent!

Maybe she could try a few weeks of eating earlier and letting her DDad do bath time? Sometime a 6:30pm bedtime can really help.

I can cope with DS being a PITA at home, so long as he is behaving at school - but I wish I saw the lovely side of him that the teacher talks about .

Hi ,
I use ahaparenting website a lot written by a child psychologist. She says what you're describing is not uncommon.

"One of the reasons kids have meltdowns at the end of the day is that they're hungry and tired. The other is that it's hard work for little people to keep it together all day in the face of all those developmental challenges. The minute they see you, their "executive self" relaxes, and their "baby self" comes out to seek comfort from Mom."

If you want to read more on what she calls "surviving arsenic hour" - i.e. the hour after you pick your child up from school, it's here
www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/family-life/Arsenic-Hour

my 5 year old dd is also a nightmare quite often.

sesame Thank you so much for that link, I absolutely loved it. I kind of figured out that she's keeping it all together through the day and then relaxing when she sees me (which is kind of flattering I guess) but that's given me some great suggestions for improving things. Thank you.

I do periodically think that the DC should eat earlier but I want us to eat as a family and I also can't face cooking twice or a meal with just me and them without DH - I need back up by the end of the day! I might try giving them an early dinner then bath and pud with DH though so we're still sitting down together.

Hi OP - really glad you found it useful.

Your post really rang true for me. When my DS1 started school, he would have meltdowns whenever I picked him up. I felt so hurt as there seemed to be a real disconnect- I was really looking forward to seeing him and he seemed unhappy to see me !!! I wondered, as I work PT and pick him up 3 times a week, whether he was unhappy to see me and wished someone else was picking him up.

After reading that link, I made these changes

1. Turned up with snack and water at pick up
2. When I saw him , instead of saying" hi darling, how was school?" I said

(got this from " how to talk....adele faber" )" Hi, I've been looking forward to seeing you"

1. Put a bowl of carrots/ cucumbers/olives on the floor of the living room for him and DS2 to eat as they played and as I cooked dinner

4.Paid a student for 2 hours a week to cook 3 healthy 8 portion meals and froze them so that making dinner was stress free (an indulgence yes but worth every penny!)

And....and I don't think this is an exaggeration, there was a 90% reduction in his tantrum type behaviour after about 2 weeks.

It's hard to keep going when you're dealing with what you're dealing with now so wishing you lots of stamina and good luck!