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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3.5yo DD pushing me constantly to limits

9 replies

Meps · 31/10/2013 18:18

Today is a typical day:
Flicks breakfast all over floor (I removed bowl, and she gets no more food until lunchtime); refuses to brush her teeth, whether or not I help; puts plug in sink after this and leaves tap running while I have a shower; fights constantly with 5.5yo DD over ANYTHING; switched my freezer off; flushed half a toilet roll down the loo; refuses to sit in car seat (climbs all round the car while I'm trying to get her in seat); screams and cries without provocation; is constantly contrary and argumentative; went to a party where she refused to leave my side even for a minute; etc etc. It sounds like she's just trying to get attention but I give her a lot of 121 time, try to seperate time with both DDs so they get a good chunk each. I also emphasise when she's good she gets a great reaction and a happy environment. I reason with her, try ignoring, staying calm etc but in the end I must admit I shout. She can be adorable and very affectionate but at least half of the day is spent being really naughty. This is nothing new, it's always been like this. I'm at the end of my tether and am at a loss. Please advise...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Tee2072 · 31/10/2013 18:32

Forget praising the good. It isn't working. Punish the bad.

What does she love? Take it away. What does she want to do? Don't let her do it.

marzipananimal · 31/10/2013 18:41

If my 3 year old had nothing to eat for that long, he'd behave terribly. Sorry if that's not much help to you though, I have no real advice as DS is very good at winding me up too!

Tee2072 · 31/10/2013 18:47

Oh yes that was the other thing. Don't use food as a punishment.

Original poster

Meps · 31/10/2013 19:14

Tee2072 thank you for this - I was dreading seeing the responses as I know I shouldn't shout and thought I was going to get it in the neck from everyone! I've just done bedtime and she was running around refusing to put pjs on - I took deep breath and kept repeating pop your pjs on, and in the end she did. At least we ended the day well! I can keep my cool much of the time, it's just when there's no way she's going to behave and we need to be somewhere, or bedtime etc. I don't withhold food, I promise - she has it there, and it's nice food! However if she wrecks food-times and refuses to eat it, it goes. You'd think the message would sink in but still this continues...

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 31/10/2013 19:37

Then it's the wrong message. Change the message.

We've all yelled at our kids from time to time. Anyone who says they haven't is a liar.

LittleSiouxieSue · 31/10/2013 20:24

Does she attend a nursery? She needs to be out of your hair for a bit. My DD2 was not quite like your DD but I needed separation time to be "me" again and recharge the batteries. Let someone else have a go - give yourself a break. Some children just need other environments in which to calm down and she will need to be more amenable before she starts school. I am sure lots of other posters will have detailed advice but I could not have my children around me all day and every day. They loved Nursery, part time, loved eating there and really enjoyed all the play opportunities, and we got on a lot better being apart several times a week. Good luck

Original poster

Meps · 31/10/2013 20:35

She goes to a Preschool 2 days a week, which gives me a break, and she does enjoy it once she's there, but tears well up in her eyes every time she goes, and although I leave fairly quickly she has enough time to get herself into a tizz. It's pretty exhausting

OP posts:

WithConfidence · 01/11/2013 13:11

At bedtime, ds (3.4) has ten mins playtime after he has brushed teeth and in pjs. I remind him if there is too much faffing there will be no time for play. He understands a bit about the time/numbers so I can actually prove it to him, that it is quarter to so he has missed his chance. Really arsing about gets a reminder there will be no time for stories either, which he loves.

Too much messing and he gets manhandled into car seat after warning too.

He has only just started nursery and the crying it causes at home is hardly worth the break I get. Hoping this will improve, just try and reassure him I love him, will be there to take him home etc. His behaviour has got much worse too, also hoping this will pass!

lizardqueenie · 02/11/2013 15:44

Hi there, I came on here to look for some advice myself as I just always find it really helpful on these threads to see what ideas other parents have come up with for dealing with their child's behavior. My DD has just turned 3 this week and one of the things that is working quite well for her at the moment (and god may it last) is to see if she can do things quickly and have a race. So with putting PJ's on i would say to her "oh I wonder if you can do this all by yourself and quickly, marks set go" and somehow that motivates her to just get on with it. We have tried withconfidence's idea too of saying that if she doesn't get a move on then there will be no time for bedtime stories but I don't think she quite grasps this yet.

Some of the things, like switching the freezer off & putting the loo roll down the toilet, she isn't old enough to know the consequences I suppose and is being mischievous rather than outright naughty, once you have warned her about this and she has understood if she chooses to continue then i suppose it is different. I am now back at work part time and treat it as a huge rest from toddler antics, but what also helped me cope and have a bit more patience was separating things into what they are. So today for instance, after a nice tumble tots class, lunch out with myself & DH, just walking down the road, no tantrums or bad moods at all DD chose to whack me in the eye! It really really bloody hurt and I felt so embarrassed. I didn't loose it at all, but once she was in the car we had a very firm conversation and I think the fact that it hurt so much meant for once i actually got that tone thing right where I showed enough disapproval in my voice for her to realise. Normally at home she would go on the naughty step for that kind of thing. Sorry I've gone on a bit now and hope you dont think here i am offering you advice when Ive just told you how my kid whacked me one this morning, but I think that at times thier behaviour does completely push you to your limit but its helped me to separate out completely out of order behaviour eg hitting to things which are a bit more mischievous (even for my own sake!)

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