Co sleeping - Any advice?

[LauraRW]

Hi,

My DS is 2 months old and I've been co sleeping with him during the last month. I never thought about co sleeping but as he didn't stop crying and couldn't sleep well we tried and it worked perfectly! (he sleeps now between 9-10 hours with occasional feedings)

I am however a bit worried about if I'll regret this in the future. Specially since he also sleep in a sling or my arms during the day.

Can any of you help sharing your experience? It would be very helpful to know how others managed this.

When did you stop co sleeping and how? Is it possible to do it with no crying out methods?

Also, do you go to bed very early to start a routine? I cannot imagine going to bed at 7 or 8 myself.

My DS is very active and seems not to be able to sleep by himself without breastfeeding or rocking. Any advice will be very welcome!

Many thanks to all of you!
Laura

i do think you have to go into co-sleeping with an open mind at how long it will last tbh.

it IS hard for a child who is used to sleeping with you every night to suddenly have to "go it alone" as it were.
we took the side off the cot for ds2 and ds3 and if I was awake enough after a night feed I'd roll them back into it. so we had the benefits of easy feeding and co-sleeping but they also had their own bed and were used to being in the cot.

never went to bed early, but then I kept them downstairs with me for feeding purposes until they were about 6 months-ish at which time I could feed them to sleep upstairs and then leave them (barricaded in the cot) and then just went up if they woke for milk

Hi Laura,
I am also co-sleeping too which I had never intended to do either but needs must otherwise i wouldn't have had sleep of 12 weeks! I don't have any wise words I'm afraid but I went to a baby calm workshop and they are very much pro co sleeping, they say that as the baby's needs change and thy develop they will be able to sleep alone when they are ready. When that is I don't know! I was also worried about this but for the time being ive just decided to take each day as it comes, enjoy the cuddles and deal with if I've made a 'rod for my own back' later. So nothing helpful really but your not alone!

I still co-sleep with my dds who are now 6 and 8. I get into bed with them and read them a story. Then lights out, then when they are asleep I go downstairs, have my supper etc, and get back in with them later. When I was still bf dd would fall asleep on the breast and I would lay her down in bed, later when she stayed awake after a feed the pattern was the same as above. They are usually snuggled together like kittens when I get into bed.

Some babies/ children just don't like sleeping alone and for them it will be hard any time if you decide you've had enough co sleeping. I couldn't see why I should make life difficult in the early days just so as to avoid potential difficulties later on which may not occur anyway. I'm still co sleeping with DS (2) and it suits us all still. Find some attachment parent types to hang out with if you get too many people saying bloody stupid things like 'you're making a rod for your back' or 'you'll end up with a teenager in your bed' or trying to tell you it's dangerous. Co sleeping is what human beings have done since the dawn of time. Cots were invented by the Victorians.

in support of slings

I co sleep with ds 2.4 and have done since about two weeks old. Massive feeder, 2 hrly until 6 months so co sleeping was a necessary. Never meant to do it but am now its biggest fan and would set out to do it with subsequent children. The thing that I really love about it is that even though I have to work part time and don't see ds all day, we can reconnect at night. Very special.
I think other posters are right though, if you go down this rd, you may be on it a while. I'm pretty sure putting ds in his own bed at this point would result in crying, so I know I'm in it for the long haul. I'm quite ok with that though. I've got a husband that has long slept in another room due to his snoring so a pushed out other half isn't an issue and as for bedtimes, I usually bf ds to sleep then come back downstairs for a bit.
The only thing I would say is to maybe think twice if you want another child pretty soon. In my case, the co sleeping has def prolonged the night feeding. Obviously it's on Tap so ds still has the odd night feed now, even at 2.4. We've been ttc for ages now and I know it's not happening because my cycle is still being majorly affected by the bf.

Yes, co sleeping can prolong night feeds although some people do successfully night wean whilst co sleeping... I've been trying to do this gently with DS as I'm pregnant and feeding hurts... But I did get pg while doing massive amounts of night feeds and feeds on demand in the day.

I co sleep with DS who is 2.7 now . Have done since he came home because frankly I'm utterly lazy and CBA with all this getting up in the night . We both get lots of sleep and no having to get out of bed into the cold to settle toddlers . No idea when he will go into his own bed though . I co slept with my parents until I was 6 then decamped of my own accord apparently . I think unless you only do co sleeping for a very short time you may well be in for the long haul , depends how you feel about that ?

I love cosleeping and I think, in the UK, a lot of parents do it but deny it. There is nothing better than waking up to see your child sleeping peacefully. It also instills good habits, like having a lie-in at the weekend/holidays.

DD is 3.5 and sometimes now, she will ask to sleep in her own bed, and some nights I will put her to bed in our room and tell her we are coming up later.

Thanks so much for all your experiences! It seems that in general you have been co sleeping for 2 to 3 years at least.

I love to sleep with my DS so I don't think I will have a problem to keep doing it for a while but I could only do that if he gets used to sleep on his own during the day and maybe early night (at least until I go to bed and I can go out occasionally!). Let's see if I can find a way :-)

Augustbaby2013, I totally agree with you- the best thing is to take a day at a time. But sometimes it's difficult, specially when people are telling you that you are spoiling your baby...

Jakeyblueblue thanks for pointing out about the BF issue and having a new baby. I never thought about that but I would like to have another baby soon so it is worth to consider it!

Really useful to hear from all of you... Many thanks!

Ds 21 months still sleeps with us, never happened intentionally but he would always sleep better in our bed and I wanted sleep! Now when he's asleep I take him to his room and he wanders through usually between 2-6
Dd is 12 weeks almost and will only sleep with me unless she's out like a light so ends up in bed everynight!
Its cosy to say the least

I carried on breast feeding through my second pregnancy. In my case just dropping one daytime feed, which dd naturally did at about a year, was enough to bring my periods back. I got pregnant the first night we tried, while still bf many times a night, and at 42, so it might be easier than you imagine!

Do it for as long as it works, and then change things if it no longer works. We co-slept with DS1 until 1yo. It was really lovely, worked for all of us until it no longer worked (he was too fidgety and we all kept waking each other up).

When you want to stop co-sleeping prepare yourself for 1 hard week, and maybe another 3 weeks to get them in their own cot all the time. It can definitely be done without controlled crying (there might be crying involved, but you can just be there with them to express their feelings).

I know all the worried people have about making a rod for their own back, not ever being able to get the baby out of their bed, creating a dependent child. But I think that co-sleeping at such an early age just makes so much sense. It's a strange world for them and they derive a lot of security from having you close.

With DS2 he used to go to bed when we went to bed (11pm-ish) and would nap in the evening with us in the living room. We've just started a bedtime routine for him (he's 5mo) where we put him down to sleep in our bed around 8.30-9pm. Then when we come up to bed I'll dream feed him. This seems to work well and he seems very happy to sleep alone in our bed.

We still cosleep at one.

Started off bed sharing, then when she started getting wriggly around 4m she went into a cosleeper after a feed, then into a big cot with the side off at 7m next to us still and now sides are up so she can't escape!

There's lots of research in support of co sleeping and its really good for babies and developmental needs. Not to mention how good it is for breast feeding.

Don't let anyone tell you that you will still have a 5year old in your bed, that's rubbish. Children can tend to me more confident and suffer less from separation anxiety when they've had elements of AP used.

I actually wrote a blog post on this just three nights ago, about peoples attitudes when you tell them you cosleep.

Oh and when she went down at night it was on one of us or the bean bag in living room then when she was about 6m popped her into the cosleeper until we went up. She was fine.

Don't let my post about TTC put you off though OP. Loads of people do conceive whilst bf it's just some of us are more sensitive and it's not so easy. Bf has given me a short LP which is slowly returning to normal the more feeds ds drops.
Even if I knew I would have had these problems, I'd have still co slept. I think its the most natural way to sleep, good for mum and good for baby.

DS has just slept till 6:30 on his own bed for the first time at 15mths.
DS had his own double mattress which me or DP lie down with him while he drops off to sleep at 7pm. Then one of us goes to sleep with him from whenever he wakes up crying for the first time. This became less frequent as he got used to sleeping on his own. We did have to go through a traumatic few days to night wean when he was around 13mths.
He had his own mattress from about 6mths as it was too squashed for the 3 of us in one bed.
I conceived while bf him night and day. But had to night wean once pregnant as he wqas tiring me out too much getting me up in the night for feeds.

Hello Laura, I co-slept with my little one til he was 5 months old. I hadn't planned to but he wouldn't sleep in his Moses basket so I did a load of research into it (read a brilliant book called Three in a Bed - I can send you details if you need it). My husband & I just went to bed at 7pm with DS & I bfed him til he went to sleep. Lots of people told me I would never be able to get him out etc etc but at 5 months we tried him in his cot & he was fine (we had tried him before but didn't push it as he didn't settle) and he now absolutely loves his cot. He happily went into his own room at 7 months and slept through at 9 months. I just decided never to push anything & not to sleep train at all and just try things until he was ready. I would definitely co-sleep again and don't regret it at all. I really hope you find a way that suits you and your baby!

DS slept in my bed or in a sling at 2 months. At 3 years he sleeps 12 hours in his own bed!

I had a co-sleeper cot so I would often start him off in his cot, or move him back in the night. Around 5-6 months I started getting him to nap in his cot, worked on getting him to go to sleep being rocked, then patted rather than breastfed - I did some pick-up/put-down but never CC or CIO.

By 9 months I had stopped feeding to sleep, he self-settled for naps and bedtime and I stopped feeding in the night between about 7/8pm and 5am. He slept in a cot in his own room.

DS didn't actually sleep through til 2.5 years though! He often needed a cuddle or quick reassurance in the night, but I didn't mind that really. He still comes in to our bed sometimes, if he is ill etc.

Hi OP. I think you can see from all the other posts that every situation is different because the DC is different and the parents have different ideas about how long to co-sleep for. Everyone is in agreement that it's a very positive experience though so go for it and when you decide it's time to stop, you'll naturally understand what you need to do to change the situation.

We've co-slept with 2 DC. Settled them to sleep in our bed at 3-4 months to reclaim our evenings. Bought them their own bed at 1-1.5ish. Made a big fuss about being a 'big boy' and started off with daytime naps in the bed until they felt ready. There is definitely a transition period where they'll wander into your bed at night for a while but we quite enjoyed that because it gave us the beginning of the night to read/dtd an we still had the joy of waking up with our DC. They're now 5 and 3 and LOVE their beds because they see them as a special place rather than something that was imposed upon them. They still occasionally wander into our bed at night, especially if we haven't had time to connect that day and I love that because it's only as and when it's needed and in this regard, kids seem to know best. All in all, a wonderful experience that will set you up with your DC in a way that no other parenting choice can IMO.

Sorry for the long post.

Thanks for the advice. It seems you all have great experiences co sleeping!

I co sleep with my youngest son. When he was about 4 months old I used to bath,dress and feed him to sleep at 7.30 and then put him in his cot and go up and feed him back to sleep when he woke, when I went to bed he would come In with me when he woke.
He is now 22 months and only started sleeping the night in his cot the past 2 week, if he does wake he is settled with water until I go to bed and then he comes in with me and has a feed if he wants one he's been like that for about 5 months but he's sleeping in his own bed in his own room most of the time now.