I am worried about my 3.2 year old DS1. He will start school next year and yet given his current experience at nursery, I am worried about how much he will struggle.
DS1 has attended nursery since 9mo (a lovely family run place where he has the same staff caring for him now, attending a mix of full time and part time over that time depending on my work) and he seems attached to some people there but I'm not sure whether he is happy.
He has always been incredibly shy with other children and adults. It took him a long time to settle at nursery. At home he is not at all quiet - very loud and very engaged, very tactile, imaginative and loving.
When he was a baby, he used to just shut his eyes and pretend people weren't there if he didn't want to interact. He doesn't do that now, but he just pretends not to hear them.
At nursery, his key worker says that he only likes and chooses to play with one boy, who he really gets on with (we have had play dates outside nursery too). Otherwise he is not bothered. He doesn't really interact with other children at all. Occasionally he has mad days he can't explain where he pushes this other little boy, who is another shy little boy who doesn't seem quite as emotional as my DS, but that is his only real "bad" behaviour anywhere. Otherwise he is rarely aggressive but just seems detached.
Often he will sit at the nursery activity tables - eg. drawing, cooking etc - but refuse to do anything (but also refuse to move on and do anything else). He will play with trains, dinosaurs and books but nothing else.
He always says he likes nursery if I ask (he is pretty vocal about what he doesn't like so would he lie?) although he did tell me he was bored the other day. He tells me he plays with a wide group of kids and tells me their names, but the key worker says he never plays with them at all.
This is totally different from at home, where he is so so busy all the time. He plays lots of imaginative games either with his toys or with his baby brother. He loves drawing and is never idle for a second. He isn't confident with other kids out of nursery - his first reaction is often to be awkward and hostile - but often meets another child at the park and then ends up playing wizards or pirates with them and seems to relish their company. He doesn't seem to have any problem playing with other children when he feels like it.
In terms of learning, he knows numbers and can identify numbers of objects up to around 20. He knows his letters and recognises some words by sight. He points out letters on signs all the time and increasingly points out words. His key worker says she thinks he would do well academically in reception right now but would get lost socially. For example, although she can see him mouthing the answers when she asks questions at circle time, if she calls on him, he will remain silent.
We are having a proper meeting with his key worker to talk about how she can encourage him to play more, show confidence, interact etc but I am at a loss. He just isn't like that at home - he is an extremely interactive child who has spent the whole evening telling me he loves me and giving me commands from the bow of his ship (the sofa) as I am Pirate Cabin Girl Mummy while he is Pirate Captain DS1 - so I don't know how to tackle it.
Any advice?