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Is this a totally normal interaction, or is the girl a bit of a bully?

6 replies

giraffecrossing · 30/10/2013 00:01

Opinions please. What do you consider normal "bad" behaviour amongst children?

We have just returned from a play date with a little girl in my sons class. They are both 4. She started off by saying she didn't want him to run/play with him which upset him. Girls mother says she is justing saying what her sister says to her... I get it. Her older sister then started playing with DS and she felt left out so joined in.

About half an hour later DS and little girl started fighting, hitting each other. We didn't see who started it as the view was blocked by a tree. It's quite possible DS was the first to lash out as this is not beyond him, I know. He is very quick to temper. But I wonder if she said something mean again to provoke him. After we separated them he was crying a lot and she taunted him that babies cry. She kept going on and on at him and he got more and more upset. Her mother told her not to say that, but didn't step in when she carried on.

Is this a normal part of social development at this age? I can't think of any other of DS's little friends taunting him this much.

We live overseas and many of our friends with kids have left in the last year, so I've been making a big effort to try and find new playmates for DS. I want to nurture this friendship but have been left wondering if it is in DS's best interests after all, which is really saddening.

We finished the play date at that point as it was obviously not going well! But as I left the girl's mother told me not to worry, which make's me think she was holding DS as the responsible party, (her daughter had a wee scratch on her neck). I of course told him we don't hit etc etc.
Am I overreacting/over-thinking things?
Don't want to be PFB but it's awful to see!

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MiniMonty · 30/10/2013 00:19

At four years old nothing is really normal or abnormal (unless it's really obviously extreme of course). Boys do play better with boys and girls with girls (like it or not) but don't sweat the small stuff. These are kids who have only recently learned to walk and talk (seems like a long time ago that they were crawling and gurgling - but it isn't)!
They have no empathy and no social graces (and 'nor should they have) so worry not. : )

PS - they have no empathy (and few social graces) until they're fifteen !

giraffecrossing · 30/10/2013 02:11

:) Thank you! Only 11 years to go! Lol.
He's out-numbered two to one by girls in his class!

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brettgirl2 · 30/10/2013 07:42

I dunno dd seems to play pretty equally with boys and girls. She's pretty physical though.....

Can you meet up somewhere neutral? Dd has a friend who sometimes refuses to play with her. It rather pisses on her fire when dd says 'ok' and finds someone else to play with Grin

I think dd summed up 4 year old friendships talking to dh the other day. Asked what they talk about she looked at him blankly and said 'nothing we play' Hmm

heather1 · 30/10/2013 07:51

Hi possibly cultural elements at play here too. We are overseas and culturally here parents don't interfere much when the children argue. I don't agree with that, the one with the strongest fist or biggest mouth wins. Children need social guidance.
I might be wrong about the cultural element. It's just a thought.

LifeofPo · 30/10/2013 07:59

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Flicktheswitch · 30/10/2013 08:15

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