Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

3 year old DS acting up in nursery

2 replies

AllBoxedUp · 29/10/2013 20:12

My DS is just turned 3 years old and his keyworker spoke to me about his behaviour today. She said he doesn't listen, needs to be told several times to do something and also has been pushing the other children.

He has been at the nursery since he was 1 and he goes 4 days a week (not ideal but there you go). He's there from about 8.30am to 5pm each day. He's been really happy there and up until now they have only had good things to say about him. He had a really strong bond with his keyworker in the toddler room and only moved up to the pre-school room 2 months ago.

I feel really terrible because I don't want him to be the naughty boy and I am worried it will affect how well he bonds with the staff in the preschool room. I used to feel he was loved so much at nursery and while the preschool staff are all lovely I don't get the same vibe from them at the moment.

I also think we are maybe to blame. We try not to give into him at home but he is difficult if I'm honest (though no more so over the last couple of months). We use a lot of strategies to get him to do stuff and quite often will just wait him out which I guess they can't do there. I also think some of it (like the pushing) might be about attention.

I can't work out if I am being PFB and he is worse than I think or if he is just a reasonably normal 3 year old. Does anyone have any suggestions? Common battle grounds for us at home are going to the loo, brushing teeth, washing hands, sitting at the table, going to bed. We quite often use ultimatums (which we normally follow through) or sometimes trickery (saying we are going to the toilet first which makes him want to go). When we are with other children outside nursery he is normally very gentle but he can hit and bite us a bit when he is very tired.

Sorry for the long post - any help appreciated!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Mummy90 · 04/11/2013 21:56

I read that post as if i was writing it! Exact same situation with my DS who is 3 yrs 8 mths. I have resorted to changing nurseries as the one he was in said they could not cope with his behaviour (which i thought was unprofessional) he had been at that one for just over 2 years and he starts this week at the new one. hoping a change of scenery and new faces will make him change his ways.
As for not listening to you, is that not just describing every child?! Kids that age are just coming into their own and becoming more independent so its only natural they wont listen to you first time. Try using a deeper tone of voice to show whos boss and if they dont co-operate explain there will be consequences.
Have you spoke to keyworker about what time of day he tends to hit out? Is he hungry or tired or just bored? Do they have televisions in the nursery? Your son might not be getting the one on one attention at nursery he wants so could be why he hits out also.
Im sure hes not the only child to behave this way and im sure he wont be the last!

vladthedisorganised · 05/11/2013 12:13

I think something happens to them at 3!

DD periodically gets in trouble at nursery for 'not listening' - which as I've said in other threads is bloody hard to work on at home. They might listen to you at home because you have the time you can invest in it (trickery, whispering the words 'chocolate biscuit' until they stop, threats to put favourite game in the loft..), but it's a different kettle of fish at nursery- lots of children around, lots more things to do.. and very difficult to recreate.

We do the pasta jar approach and let her keyworker know that we're doing it at home - I found that it gave DD something to focus on ('if X tells me you had a good day today then we'll put some pasta in the jar, but if I hear you haven't been doing as you've been asked then we'll have to take some out'); but it also focussed her keyworker a bit too - I got the impression it staved off the more generic moaning "Not a good day AGAIN - she's not listening AGAIN.." sort of thing. This meant that anything that was actually an issue got assessed a bit more, so it was more of a 'She was OK up to x time, she took ages over washing her hands before lunch though.." and I could then get to the bottom of it a bit.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page