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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

My ds never seems happy with what he's got & just wants more!!

13 replies

Jemster · 29/10/2013 18:13

My DS's (6) behaviour is frankly starting to pee me off. He has just had his birthday with loads of lovely presents. He was so excited to open them all but the novelty of each item seemed to wear off pretty quickly! Every time we go anywhere he wants another piece of tat. I thought I'd got away with halloween but now he's been invited to a friend's who is dressing up so I went to Sainsburys and got him a cheap mask & broomstick. He however wanted a £10 halloween light up toy and went on and on about it until I shouted at him. He just comes across as really ungrateful and only happy when he's getting more.

My house is full of his stuff everywhere. He never puts anything away and I'm always stressed because dd 18 months has started picking up all his toys and hurling them across the room i.e toy cars.

I really don't want a spoilt brat for a ds. DH had a hard upbringing with very little so now he's always buying him little things here and there but I'm going to flip if this house stays like this much longer! I spend all my spare time moving his stuff out the way and trying not to trip over it!

Please, those of you with same age boys please help me out here and tell me what you do.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Hotbot · 29/10/2013 18:43

Ask for him to put his toys away with a warning that if he doesn't you will and he wont get them back .pretty soon he will realise that you mean business and he won't have any toys left.
And you and dh have to come to some agreement re toys, I suggest earning pocket money for jobs and he can buy his own tat. I do this with ds who is 3 and he has stopped asking as I just keep saying where is your pocket money ds.
Dd 7 is really good and doesn't ask she is clever enough to realise that she can play me by not asking as I instantly want to treat her good manners ( sucker)

Hotbot · 29/10/2013 18:44

Btw I am not being smug, it is really hard to be so mean. And I have had massive tantrums from ds when he realises that I am not giving in.
X x

RandomMess · 29/10/2013 18:46

There is some evidence based researched that proved that too many toys stifles their imagination.

I would put 2/3 rds of what he has away so he just has less available to play with then come to an agreement about what and how often he can have treat purchases.

Squeegle · 29/10/2013 18:49

I struggle with a DS who is the same. My older DD is not like this at all. I can't say I'm that succesful, but I don't buy him all he wants, and I do make him do chores to earn money (he's 9 btw).

It seems to me that it's a need to conform, and for status with my DS; it's often so he can show off to his friends. I don't have a solution really, so will be interested in what others have to say.

RandomMess · 29/10/2013 18:51

Interesting read, will help back up your suggestions to dh

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2007/jan/20/familyandrelationships.family1

morethanpotatoprints · 29/10/2013 18:59

OP you need to be firm and cruel to be kind. Firstly, put some of his toys away and only get them out when he asks and when others are put away. If you find it hard coping with it a small child won't be able to put it all away.
I have never given in for an easy life or spoilt mine with tat, not because I am holier than thou but strangely enough because I knew I had to be firm as I am only very small and my ds1 and 2 have grown to 6ft as I knew they would
You need to talk to your dh and set boundaries and stress how his behaviour is good and I imagine his expectations aren't too great, because he grew up with little. Tell him you want your dc to have his values, not those of a spoilt brat. That should do it.
People say it is hard being firm but I disagree, and when I see parents giving in for a quiet life, I know it won't be quiet long term.
You can see all this yourself, you will be fine. Just restrict which toys he plays with.

fuzzpig · 29/10/2013 19:09

read this book - I found it really helpful in sorting out what we want for our DCs and implementing the suggestions has made a huge difference very quickly. A few months in now and still have a way to go but I'm really glad I read it.

Original poster

Jemster · 29/10/2013 19:10

Thank you all for the great advice and a very interesting article. I am definitely going to pack most of the toys away. He priobably won't even ask where they are!
I just think it's so sad that he is always asking where the next thing is and what he wants next. I have told him that he is very lucky aa some children don't have much but it's in one ear and out the other.
He plays on my dh because he knows he is more likely to give him stuff. Most of it is complete crap not to mention the rubbish toys from magazines (which never get looked at) and McDonalds now and again.
I have spoken to dh before and he says he agrees withme but he is still a soft touch!!

OP posts:

RandomMess · 29/10/2013 19:14

Help your dh with other ideas to "treat" him with such as trip to the park just the 2 of them, a 10 minute kick about with a football in the garden, a board game time together etc.

Hotbot · 29/10/2013 19:31

Morethan our post made me chuckle as that is in my mind as well. I am 5/2 dh is 6/2 the children are defo taking after him.........

MistressofPemberley · 03/11/2013 21:46

OP no advice but my DS is exactly the same. He is constantly begging for magazines (he just wants the toys), little Lego figures, those cruddy toys you get from machines, kinder eggs etc. All of it utter tat. I find it really hard to say no, especially if he wants to spend his own money (he has a few quid in a money box from tooth money, the odd pound given to him by aunties etc).
The stuff is never a novelty for long, or it gets broken, and I get cross with him and start lecturing him on all the things I never had, and all the children who have nothing.
It doesn't help that I give most of my attention to new baby and feel guilty about this, so I'm more likely to succumb just to see him so happy for about 2 minutes.

DziezkoDisco · 03/11/2013 21:57

We used to have this with DSS. We just got really strict snd said no. His behaviour improved dramatically.

WahIzzit · 03/11/2013 22:44

My DD is like this but she is only 4. Other issues with her but she wants everything she sees and now we no longer take her with us to go shopping. Its so much easier to just buy the bloody toy than deal with a melt down isn't it. We were getting her a new toy or 2 every so often. Nothing big and expensive mind, just poundland crap but normally as she picked it up in a shop herself. I wouldnt say we were indulging her because she has less things than some other kids but it was the fact she hardly played with most of it and the lack of gratitude/demanding of things. So new toy got hardly played with it and she then whined for something else in the Argos book after a few days. Dh and I got so fed up as we aren't exactly loaded, and so since a few months ago everytime she wanted something we would say ok 'I've put that on the list of things for your birthday' pretending to make a note. Usually forgotten about after a few weeks and moved onto something else. But NOW afew months of this later, the requests have really reduced. I did buy her the few things she wanted at the time for her birthday (last week) but it amounted to about £15. She didn't even remember 'the list' but with an older child I would fib that it is lost. Its a small lie just to break the habit so I see it as harmless really. So anyway we have saved plenty and no extra tat filling our tiny house up.

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