Best way to deal with a toddler who says NO to everything!

[Charotte31]

My DD is 2.3, she's always been a pickle! Tests me in every way sleeping, eating, listening, hitting, pushing, etc. I'm making her sound like a nightmare, she really is a sweet, clever and beautiful little girl. She is just so full of energy!
The last few months ( I know it's an age thing) she just stopped doing anything I ask her to do! She doesn't listen and say no to everything. Every little thing is a fight it's starting to really wear me down! What is the best way to deal with this? Please help I'm fed up!! :(

Well shouting won't get you anywhere. Just raises your blood pressure and causes stress to your family so don't bother with it.
Explaining things to a toddler is never easy unless you have a little Einstein on your hands.
So my advice would be ignore the tantrums as long as sh'e not hurting herself let her get on with the screaming rolling on the floor and banging.
Don't get upset by the knockbacks it's just a phase and in a short while she won't even remember it.
So keep trying to include her in everything, don't pander to food fads if she won't eat her meal let her be hungry until she does, kids won't let themselves starve. I knew one Mum a client who let her daughter eat nothing but fish fingers and waffles for a year, poor kid ended up on a drip.
Finally have a naughty corner, sounds like a cliché but it does work, stand her in it until she does what she's told. Children don't like it when they think they're missing something.
And lastly and bear in mind that this should only ever be used as an extreme last resort if her behaviour really gets bad take away her favourite teddy bear until she behaves.

Thanks, all good ideas I can work with. Iv been trying to only give her one chance of things today, if she won't get dressed when I ask her to she has it do it by herself and I won't help. Or tidying her toys, I'll help if she does it when I ask if not she's on her own until they are tidy. Does this sound to much?

Can you phrase things differently, so instead of tidy your toys now - ask which toy are you going to tidy first, bricks or teddies? Are you going to put your socks or trousers on first? Might be worth a try!

Yes that's a good idea, thanks!

Don't ask question that no is an answer to, you need to say things like are you going to wear the red jumper or the blue jumper rather than shall we get dressed. Are you going to wear your shoes or your wellies boots out, do you want carrot sticks or cucumber for your snack. It helps to phrase all requests that she is making a choice rather than you telling her what is or isn't going to be happening

Phrase the question/statement so that "No" is the answer you actually want to hear.

I agree, change the way you ask.

My husband used to say to the kids "Do you want to do X" when what he means is "Go and do X" . Then when they say no, he tells them to go and do it [boggle]

So I said look, if you aren't actually giving them a choice, don't make it sound like you are! So no "do you want to" no "will you" no "can you".

yy to giving them a choice. that can work really well. do you want to do x first or y.

Definitely give them 2 options, ones that you genuinely don't mind which option they choose. "would you like to wear these trousers or this dress today?"

Also "when you've got dressed then you can do y"

Thanks everyone all very good ideas! :)

Pick your battles with a toddler. Concentrate on sleeping and eating and don't worry about the tidying! ( mine are nearly teens and still cannot manage to tidy without complaining - it is a hideous thought that you have another 8 years of arguing ahead on that score )

Also clothes, let her choose from two or three choices, don't mind what the effect is (ie: not matching). I remember being full of admiration for a mum who let her child go to nursery in a fairy outfit, why not?

They tend to want to do whatever you are doing, but not if you ask them first. Children like to help and be involved, but they don't like being harassed. So if you brush your teeth, often you will find a little voice wanting to brush theirs too, if you start eating, a toddler will often want to share what's on your plate.

I think first response was too tough. Timeout is not a good method for little children - even Supernanny uses involvement more than timeout, although programmes tend to skate over that and emphasise naughty chair. "How To Talk So Children Will Listen" by Faber and Mazlish is a brilliant book - if quite demanding to read and take in. BUY IT NOW!!! It is seriously thought provoking about ways to get children on your side.

I think your expectations (of what a 2 year old can understand/do) are probably a little bit too high, she is only just two - it is a bit much to expect her to get dressed on her own or tidy her toys on her own just because she didn't do it when you first asked. You need to encourage her, make it a game/race etc. and there will still be lots of times you have to ask/remind more than once!

A good tip is to get down to their level and speak directly to them 'connect before you direct' is a good way to remember it.

I know it is not easy by the way I had one demanding toddler and DD2 is turning out pretty feisty too!

Dd2's first word was NO! At 2 1/2 it's still her fav word. She is fierce but funny.

I find approaching her obliquely works wonders. Going direct or head on is like running into a brick wall

You are not alone.