Dd just not bothered about the potty at all - advice please

[Moomin]

Dd is 2 yrs 5 m and we've had several unsuccessful goes at trying potty training up to now. She seems ready in lots of ways: wants to be independent, has started dressing/undressing herself, interested in other people using the loo, puts her toys on the potty and likes wearing big girls' pants. But every time we go 'cold turkey' she will just sit on the potty or loo seat for a milisecond, shout 'me finished' even though there's nothing there and then wee on the floor a bit later. She doesn't get upset with wetting her pants or the floor either. She just doesn't seem to associate the feeling before having a wee with actually getting to the potty.
She's bright and happy in every other way and I'm loathe to put pressure on myself and her if she isn't ready, but I need reassurance that she'll pick it up more competently later on. Or maybe I need telling to just persevere?
The other factor is that I work 3 days a week and she has a childminder and nursery on these days. Shall I just wait until each school holiday and try it again then when we've got a run at it?

[twiglett]

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[wog]

moomin i'm glad you started this thread as I was going to ask a question about potty training to. My dd is 19 mnths and has seemed ready to potty train she can pull her trousers up and down, indicate wet/dirty, can sit for 5 - 10mins can say potty and has even peed in it a couple of times and loves coming to the toilet with me (i even show her my poo - yeugh) but one night i went to put her on her potty when she was tired and it has put her off ever since when she sees it she pushes it away, I dont even try anymore. My sis recommended that i buy the one that actually sits on the toilet with the step as she said her boys didnt like the potty and that this made them feel like big boys and was more exciting to want to do as they were climbing up onto the step onto the big toilet. The other thing about the nursery bothers me too as she is at nursery 5 afternoons a week so like you I wonder if I should just leave it until a holiday.

[melsy]

Moomin have u looked at this thread here? might be helpful.

Good Luck

[Moomin]

Melsy, that's great - thanks! I'm going to print it out and show dh. The thought of him on the phone to dd pretending to be Maisy Mouse is worth the whole experience anyway, even if it doesn't work!

[emsiewill]

Moomin, my dd2 wasn't trained until she was 3 and a couple of months. It sounds like your dd is just the same as she was - just not interested / bothered. I found it really disconcerting, as dd1 had followed my plan - we took a week out to stay at home, putting her on the potty every 1/2 hour or so, and after a week she was more or less trained. Dd2 is a much more laid back person than dd1, so I think that is why it took longer - she just didn't care. After a couple of abortive attempts, I just left it, she went to playgroup, (where they were happy to accept her in pull-ups), they used to take her to the toilet when the other children went, one day the pull-ups ripped, they put her in knickers, and we didn't look back! But it was definately when she wanted to do it, rather than to my timetable.

Easy for me to say now, from the other side, but don't worry too much about it, it WILL happen in the end.

[hmb]

She may not be ready. Ds was over 3. When we gave it a go he was ready, and was clean and dry in less than a week. I would wait until you can devote some concentrated time to it, and give it another go later on.

From what I have seen with friends the later you leave it the easier it is all round. I had a friend who was convinced her child was ready at 2, and they had 6 months of accidents. I think it is easier to wait until they are ready, some are ready at 2, but some are not.

[Bond33]

Hi Moomin
My DD was three and a half before she was properly in pants, its not that she couldn't do it, it was that she didn't want to and I found this quite frustrating, she would wee on the potty but would still wee in her pants. She had a rash on her bottom one day and so I tricked her into thinking that it was the nappy's fault and she never looked back, she never used the potty again and started to use the toilet instead. I was becoming quite worried (my son was dry at two) as she was starting Nursery just after her fourth birthday and I had tried everything the Health Visitor said it will come when she is ready and it did just like that, so don't worry too much she is still quite young and it really is a personal decision whether you persevere or leave her to pick it up herself
Take Care

[Moomin]

Thanks for all the advice - invaluable as always X
We've decided to leave it for a while again. Easter will be the next big stretch we'll have so we'll have a go then. I think it's a bit of a problem for me as well, as I enjoy being out and about and I worry about her coping with no nappy. We also often visit friends which involves long car journeys and even plane rides now for weekends away and the thought of being constantly checking for toilet stops is not one I look forward to. I have tried not to let this affect how positive I've been with her when we try it, but you never know... I'll leave it for now anyway. Thanks x

[Chinchilla]

How did it go Moomin? I have been trying to get ds to go on the toilet/potty, but today we went through three pairs of pants in 30 minutes before I gave in and put a nappy on him. We are progressing a little, because he managed to tell me he was about to have a wee (not soon enough though), whereas two days ago, he just said 'Oh no' when he had been.

[Moomin]

Hiya Chinchilla - funny you should ask because it's gone very well. She obviously just wasn't ready when we tried it before but something has just clicked with her this time round and she's made really good progress. I bought one of those big sit-on potties from php that has a lid, which she has taken to well and it only took her a week from wee success to poo success too!
We haven't done many big trips out without the pullups yet, though - like the doctor's the other day, esp as she has chickenpox at the moment and I just thought why give myself the hassle. We'll progress to just pants whatever the circumstances when we feel ready.
The only accidents she's had have been with MIL and a couple with dh, because I don't think they're firm enough with her when she looks ready for a wee or is due one. Oh and she had a horrible nasty poo accident in the garden today but that's to be expected as she's poorly.
How old is ds Chinchilla? Sounds like he's at the stage dd was when I tried last time. Nearly there but not quite... I'd definitely take the cues from him - he'll do it when he's ready. Good luck xxx

[carla]

Moomin, she's just not ready. dd2 would be just ready for nursery, then cry her eyes out, saying 'I've just done a wee in my nappy'. That's when we decided to put her in knickers (or pants, as DH calls them ... but that's another thread). Good luck - just wait a bit longer. And big hugs!

[Chinchilla]

Moomin - He's 2y 9m. He's really excited about the 'big boy pants' that we bought him, but I agree that he probably isn't quite there yet. I am impressed that he has moved on from not knowing that he was about to have a wee to advising me (just) in advance. As you say, maybe I need to do the same as you. I will wait until the summer is really here and we spend more time in the garden.

Well done to your dd though (and you too of course!)

[hmum]

moomin take heart you are doing relly well .ds is 3.5 and we are in same situation as your initial posting.Spent 2 weeks cold turkey , result wet carpets sofas and a mount everest of washing and ironing.

A fiend then advised this site and I posted a help message. lots of help, support and suggestions.After 2 weeks he had an upset tummy so we returned to nappies/pull ups and took the pressure off all of us ( i am so desperate to help him suceed in this task and often feel I must be doing something wrong).This weekend he has four times said "me first" when I have said I need to go to the toilet. Although he has not performed as such he has gone through all the motions and flushed and washed his hands, so lots of praise. I cnsider it great progress no matter how slow.

So good luck to anyone who is potty/toilet training.

[grumpyzebra]

I may not be the right person to comment, given that both my children trained relatively early (2y+5-7m for the boy, 2y+0-3m for the girl).... but I don't know if it's anything I did, other than give them lots of opportunities. It still took months of accidents... makes me think that it's really true that children will only potty train when they are ready, not that much you can do in most cases to hurry it.

[littlethings]

hello I'm really fed up with it now, DS 2yr 10 months and we've been potty training since mid-July (thought we'd make the most of the summer) but its just been accidents all the time, we thought we had him sorted for wees at least (just poos in his pants {sad} - but progress of sorts) and now in the alst week he's regressed totally and has weed on teh floor, on teh carpet, mountains of washing and I've had it. Trying not to get cross but its hard when I sit him on the loo for a good 10 mins, nothing, then the minute he's off and in pants (or even commando) then straight away an accident. Should I just give up and go back to nappies? Even nursery just keep saying keep with it, but equally they do complain about the accidents and have on occasion simply chucked his pants in the bin when he's done a poo. But then, you're not supposed to go back, are you? Hmm. I think I just want a rant, but if anyone's got any suggestions they are most welcome? Saw those toilet bowl balls on Amazon, are they worth a try?