DS1 has always been a handful, but lovely too. He has hit out other kids in the past, and it's been on/off so not consistent. He generally hits out when being wound up.
Lately at home he will hit DS2 (22 months) whenever DS2 hits him. It's awful because DS2 clearly doesn't know right from wrong and will chuck toys at DS1 and DS1 retaliates and defends himself. I try to anticipate the situation as best I can and intervene before anything happens but I'm just not quick enough.
At school he has been hitting kids a lot lately. Mainly his friends. He says he does it because they've been hitting him. DH is of the school of thought that if DS is being hit then he should hit back, to make a statement that he will not tolerate it. He said it worked for him at school. If he doesn't hit back then he will be seen as weak, and they will always hit him. But clearly, it doesn't work because DS is constantly hitting.
Then today, he spat at someone. Apparently the boy spat at him first. They've been friends since reception and this boy is normally quite a good boy. The person who he has been hitting is a girl who he has started to hang around with. Again, I don't think she is a particular trouble maker.
The school have started a contact book and are exercising a no-tolerance policy which means no playtime etc. I'm thinking of the same thing here but not sure what to implement, given that it is half term and I really don't want to spend it doing nothing.
DH needs to change his approach, I know, but i don't know how to convince him. Incidently, DS doesn't mention what DH has said so I am not sure if he has taken this in or not.
Can anyone advise me on techniques for dealing with this? I am fed up with pick up times at school now.