Troublesome 16 month old

[ems147]

I have two girls aged 3 1/2 and 16 months, their personalities are so different, my first confident, chatty, bubbly and kind. My Second very shy with people outside her comfort zone even some regular family members. She also has what I would describe as a temper... She gets frustrated very quickly and erupts, it doesn't tend to last very long as she calms down quite quickly. And this wouldn't be a problem as everyone is different and it's nice to have differences between my girls. But it's affecting my eldest, she becomes the brunt of her temper most recently getting her hair pulled or smacking. I feel sorry for my eldest as she never retaliates just takes it. it's strange where this behaviour has come from as my eldest has never done it and she was doing it before she went to nursery. But never actually behaves like that at nursery either. With her being only 16 months I'm not sure she understands that it's wrong. I tell her off as I don't for a minute want my eldest to think its ok to do this. I jus two wondered if anyone has any tips how to manage this. Am I doing the right thing telling her off or should I take another approach? Thanks,

I think you're right to tell her off. As you say, neither one of your girls should be allowed to think that this is acceptable. All you can do is persist I am afraid, it's a tricky age where they half understand you and what they do understand they often chose to ignore, but eventually the message will sink in. Does she talk much? Apparently when they start talking more it helps enormously as they can communicate. I often find my 3.5 yr old prefers a tantrum though! Good luck x

She says a few things, but not a lot. She initially got upset when I first started telling her off, but as it's progressed more and more she's becoming immune and just stares at me. I wonder whether it has any affect on her now as she doesn't react to me. Half the time she isn't even in a tantrum she does it when she's near her. I'm lucky she's too shy to ever do it to other children as that would be mortifying but I don't want it to progress to that either.

I went through this with DS2 at the same age - he would hit his older brother and sister who never hit him back (and sadly he would hit other children too at toddler group). As you say it's hard to discipline at this age - 16m is too young for the naughty step etc. You just have to say NO firmly and give lots of positive attention when she is playing nicely.

Remember it's not just down to personality but also situation - at this age your DD1 had your full attention and didn't have a big sister around who could talk and jump and do lots of things she can't do. This behaviour is partly a result of frustration. Also remember this is a really common phase - your DD1 didn't go through it, but lots of toddlers do. It helped me to remember this.

If it helps, my DS2 stopped hitting around 26m and is now a lovely and relatively well behaved 4yo. I honestly never thought I'd be saying that!

I don't think they have any understanding of 'naughtiness' at 16 months.

She does it for the reaction. And has no impulse control.

But I do agree that firmly & calmly saying 'no, we do not hit' etc at least for the benefit of your older child.