naughty baby?

[bumblebee2786]

Help! I Feel like I'm failing as a mother. my 16 month old daughter will bite, scratch, throw things at me and never cuddles or kisses. It's me who gets the brunt of it but she has hurt daddy, grandmas and grandad often too. should I put mittens on her until understands she's hurting people? she finds it funny if I tell her No. I'm at my wits end! I hate myself for even thinking it but I don't enjoy spending time with her at the moment :( advice please.

It's a phase. That doesn't help you I know, but it is perfectly usual and it will pass.

In the meantime, how are you saying no? Are you just saying no or are you taking her arms and holding them to her side? Have you tried moving her away and saying no, or saying no and standing up so your face is out of reach?

No and cross face are often really funny to a toddler, everything's fun and a game to them. What you need to do is to interrupt the behaviour. Distract. Move her. Move yourself. Put her arms by her side. That sort of thing.

You are not. I repeat NOT. Failing as a mother.

I'll try all those things. It's hard to not take it personally, sometimes she looks at me like she hates me! Thanks for the support and advice. relieved to hear it's normal!

She doesn't hate you. Honestly she doesn't. She's 16 months old. There's stuff in my fridge older than that The world is such a different place for her than it is for us. Everything about how she sees it, how she understands it, how she understands herself, how she interprets emotions - all so different, so new and a lot of the time, so scary.

and when not scary - fun! I bet these big creatures make some interesting noises and faces when she pulls at them.

Don't forget also that she's too young to really understand cause and effect or to understand that other people can be hurt. That's what you are trying to teach her and it's a process.

Most importantly though - you're doing fine. Don't doubt yourself.

re cause and effect/people getting hurt - I'm trying to think of the proper term for it. Understanding that someone is a person and you can hurt them. Theory of mind? That's not it.

I'm trying to say that she doesn't get that what she does hurts. She can't put that together yet.

Thank you, it all makes sense when you put it like that. can you tell I'm a first time mum? lol thanks for the kind words

Our 16 month DS has just gone through a hitting phase over the last month or so. We just kept saying 'No, we don't hit' and holding his hands by his side gently for a few seconds.

He's a lot better now and only tends to do it when he's tired, hungry or overexcited, so I try to watch for that and manage quickly with naps, food or diverting to calm activity as appropriate - although to be honest, he's not even that bad at those times now either.

It is frustrating and can be surprisingly painful when they catch you with a well timed slap though, so you have my sympathy!

Now, if we could just deal with the food throwing...

Right now I'd happily swap for food throwing! I'll definitely try putting her arms by her side and distracting with other things. cheers

They all do it. DD1 used to pull my hair really hard - sometimes she pulled big handfuls out at that age. She thought it was funny if I said no with a cross face or showed any emotion. What she hated was when I put her on the floor without any comment and walked into a different room. Sometimes they do stuff for a reaction, any reaction, especially the funny one when Mommy shouts a bit and pulls that funny face...

Distracting worked best when I could see trouble coming, but if I didn't read the signs quick enough to avoid having my hair pulled etc the most effective response was to calmly and silently put her down and walk away.

It passes!