Three year old has me pushed to the limits!

[stablepony]

My DD started mainstream nursery about three months ago and is getting on really well! behaviour wise she listens to the teacher, follows instructions well and is kind and interacting with the other children. As soon as she leaves nursery she starts kicking off about any little thing and ends up on the naughty step as soon as shes in the door . Her behaviour at home is getting worse and I don't know what to do.
I work three days a week and as soon as she is in the car to come home from childminders/grandparents she throws a tantrum and carrys it on into the house, where she ends up in her bedroom for 'quiet time' to calm down. After work she tells me to go away and moans non stop, she even pinched me the other day. I know she is attention seeking but she seems to want negative attention! My childminder and my parents say she is an angel, a pleasure to have and doesn't behave this way with them so it makes me feel like such a terrible mother!
When I'm not working she can be great up until tea time when I start preparing dinner. She climbs up on the kitchen units and is into every cupboard, drawer in the kitchen! This behaviour gets even worse when DP comes home from work. She starts slapping his back when hes trying to eat his tea, climbs on the table and when we tell her to sit down and eat her tea she throws a temper tantrum and ends up on the naughty step, its so frustrating!
Her behaviour today hasn't been great and I haven't been at work today. She wont listen to anything I say, she acts bored all the time even though I try to interact with her and she has lots of toys and games. I went to the library to print off some colouring sheets of her favourite tv charactars and she just wasnt interested. She doesn't seem interested in doing anything for more than five minutes! She wont play in her room unless I am in the room with her, sat on her bed. We have story time but I can't sit and read all day. The only time she behaves is when she is at the park. Anywhere else is a disaster
Any words of advice will be appreciated. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Its a constant battle everyday.

i would say stop punishing the negative and instead think about rewarding the good.

if she can't be trusted in the kitchen then put a gate on the door. you can tell her, and she can understand, that if she wants to come in then she needs to behave. involve her in what you're doing, let her help put veg into saucepans and stuff... if she does that nicely she can stay in.. if not she goes straight out.

if she can't sit at the table then put straps on her! it's no good just telling her to sit down.
I would expect her to sit at the table and eat nicely, and if she refuses then her dinner time is over. No massive fuss, just end of meal.
If she is sitting up nicely then make sure to be interacting with her, and encouraging that behaviour.

none of my kids like to play in their rooms alone... all children I think like to be with their parent/carer, that's totally normal IMO.

actually one other throught.. what time do you have tea? is it possible she is just getting tired and silly? mine get pretty crazy when they're overtired

Children are always worse behaved for their mums that for anyone else. If she has just started nursery then she will still be adjusting to the routine and discipline and needing to let off steam. Unfortunately, you are at the receiving end. She is probably tired too, which won't help.

Of course, that doesn't solve your problem. But know that you are not a terrible mother and what you're experiencing is not unique.

Hang in there.