4 year old behaviour driving me mad!

[lucech90]

I have a 4 (almost 5) year old and 2 year old!

Some examples of behaviour -
He has repeatedly drawn on his bedroom walls ( i have repainted his entire room 3 times in the past 6 months) Even though i do not allow him to keep any pens/pencils/crayons in his room, he has been sneaking them in! He has also drew on his wardrobe, bookcase and his door.
He keeps answering back, calling his sister names, laughing when i tell him off, hitting and kicking his sister and pulling her hair.
He jumps on/off the sofa, dining chairs, up/down the stairs, goes down the stairs on his stomach head first. The list goes on and on. Basically everything I tell him not to do, he does!
I do tell him off and explain to him why he shouldnt be doing it etc but he completely ignors me!

When I tell him off he either screams and cries or stomps around/ or drags his feet if we are going to school. Either way I dont give in to him but it does cause me alot of stress :(
I have tried 'the naughty step', sending him to his room, taking toys away, sticker/reward charts. None of which have made any difference to his behaviour.

Anyone experience anything similar or have any idea of how to help?

How does he behave at school?
Are there any issues in his life that could be affecting him, eg what are his other relationships like, any recent changes to anything?
Did his behaviour change at any point or has he always been challenging?
Is he getting enough sleep? Is he getting a good diet?

Naughty step never worked for me, my kids weren't extreme but I found lots of positive specific praise, distraction, giving responsibilty for small things, one on one time, lots of cuddles -all helped.
A lot of people like the book 'How to talk so kids will listen' -it certainly gives different options to the naughty step.

Did you make him clean off the pen?

Could you buy one of those wall stickers that's a blackboard for his bedroom so he has an area he can legitimately draw on?

If he pulls his sister's hair could you make a fuss over her, give her a treat and completely ignore him?

Hi, is he like this all the time. Has it just come about or has he always been difficult? I have twins; the older one has been really hard work for a long time; I felt I've always had to do a lot for her, more than her twin - she's now 4.5 and started school. Her behaviour is very challenging; she draws over walls, breaks things, drops things, screams a lot and cries frequently. Does not sleep either. However we've just been told she might be autistic and we are awaiting assessment at Great Ormond Street as she is quite unusual. It might be worth getting him assessed; you can just get a referral from your doctor. However, he could just be a little terror, like my nephew, who was an absolute nightmare from the age of about 2. He was awful to his mother, brother and ignored his father. Could not be taken out at all and we once went to a restaurant. He lay on the floor for 2 hours and refused to move whilst we were eating. The waiters stepped over him. And it carried on until he was about 9 and suddenly changed into the nicest little boy ever. I thought he was oppositionally defiant but he's really fine now. Boys can be hard work and they are a lot more physically active than girls generally (I have a boy of 13 as well). I'm sure other parents will give you some comfort here. Good luck with him.

His teacher tells me that he has settled well at school and is taking to the routine of school and what is expected of him pretty well.

He is very inquisitive and likes to know everything about everything and wants to know NOW! Hes very impatient, very talkative and repetitive! I have queried to myself if he may be autistic or even have ADHD. As he has had 2/3 awful/scary outbursts were he has kicked/screamed/punched/ thrown things at me.

He has a varied good diet and has never been fussy (hes is getting reluctant to try new things but with a bit of persuasion does).

He sleeps well 11-12 hours every night, always has.

His behaviour has completely changed since he turned 4. (So past 11 months)

My second twin can have this sort of behaviour and I think she attention seeks. She also talks, A LOT, and does repeat herself . Ticks some of the ADHD boxes. She can punch and kick when I'm giving attention to her twin just to get noticed. Is it a bit of sibling rivalry, I'm one of 4 and there was a lot of it in my family? Is it when he's getting tired? I've noticed my 2 are more irritable since they've started school, especially when hungry. Also, boys can be dreadful at expressing themselves. My son still finds it difficult at 13. At 5 he could not express his emotions, could recite his school day, but if he was upset about something, he'd get cross. Sorry by 2nd twin I mean non autistic one.

Even though his teacher is positive, I think it's intresting that his behaviour has completely changed since he was 4--so since he started school?

Hmm, definitely do a bit of digging about school - maybe something's getting to him there, not challenged enough, not active enough, unpleasant children maybe. Maybe see if the other mums in the same class have had any issues.