I feel like I'm letting ds down

[Jemster]

Hi
Last week my we had parents evening for my 6 yr old son, first meeting with teacher in year one.
She said he's doing ok but is easily distracted and is a bit of a daydreamer. She also said they want to offer him additional support in learning how to organise himself and to gain more control in things like cutting and pencil holding.

I have ds who is 18 months and demands most of my attention in the after school hours. I too often have been leaving older ds to his own devices while I deal with the little one who doesn't nap and needs watching like a hawk.

I feel so upset & guilty that I'm not giving ds1 enough attention and helping him with learning skills. The teacher said its nothing to worry about but I do worry that my lack of time for him is affecting his ability at school.

What sort of things do other people do with 6 year olds after school and how do you manage if you have a crazy toddler in tow? Any advice appreciated please.

Hi jemster,
Just bumping really.
I only have one ds who is also in Year 1. Parents' evening for us is this week. He is really tired when he gets home after school. He may do some colouring (useful to remind him about tripod grip), every other evening he reads one of his reading books from school, I read him a bed time story every night. He has one lot of maths homework each week which they tend to do over the weekend. He asks a lot of questions about science and how our bodies work/ animals so we often talk about that.
However, I don't have a toddler at the same time so I can't compare with you.
Hope someone comes with advice for you. Accept any help the school offers and DO NOT feel bad about things. You should not feel guilty and the teacher didn't intend to make you feel like that; she just wants to help as much as possible.

Thanks Josette. Ds is tired too after school so I think it's only fair to let him chill out for a while rather than starting with more work.
I know it's a good thing, but they do seem to get a fair bit to do at home, and he is still only young.
I just feel so frustrated that I can't seem to devote more time just to him. We have tried reading in the afternoon but ds2 whinges and climbs all over us so it is just too difficult.

We use picture lists/visual routines to teach DD (6) about the things which need to be done (the morning routine for example or making sure she has everything in her school bag), this has helped her learn to organise herself as she's realised that a, b and c must be done before she can do fun things x, y and z.

She hates colouring in, but I have an interest in calligraphy so we've worked on her writing using calligraphy techniques (also means she get a block of my undivided attention) and because hand positioning and grip are essential it has really helped her...without it being 'writing practice' and there for 'boooooorrrrinnnnnggg Maaaaaaammmmaaaaaa'.

We still haven't managed to do much about her scissor use though, I blame DH fro teaching her to use a craft knife (correctly and carefully supervised)

Just to add, I don't have a toddler though - my other dc is 10.

My ds(7) has just been diagnosed with dcd (dyspraxia in old language) and has a bit of add too. His manifests itself as dreaminess and inability to follow instructions. He also has hyper mobile fingers and finds the pencil grip difficult and tiring.

He sounds similar to your ds. Please don't blame yourself - it may be something totally outwith your control.

I feel your guilt. My 6 year old needs to practice his fine motor skills, especially handwriting, and I find it nearly impossible to get one on one time with him as his 2 year old brother is around all the time. As soon add we sit down at the table Ds2 is all over me, demanding attention, grabbing books etc. It's very hard to distract him. The only things I have found to help are giving the baby some 'homework' of his own - flash cards to play with, a small white board and pens to scribble with. Sometimes I leave a cartoon on the tv for him, even though it does distract Ds.

Best of all though is for dh to do the homework while Ds2 helps me in the kitchen, divide and conquer.

We see in France and they get homework every night, usually handwriting practice, dictation, etc. Nothing fun!

Please don't feel guilty, as others have said it might be outwith your control.
When I have kids in my class with problems as you describe, I have a few suggestions.
Could you set up an "office" to help him from becoming distracted. Ive even used a cardboard box with one side cut out before. the other sides act as walls. we decorated the "office" and put things in it that would help not distract.
Could you give him a timer to do tasks before it rings? Very short manageable tasks, ie 2 sums in 5 mins.
For hand control you could try some games, threading beads, operation, using the computer.
Playing with play doh is good for building up muscle strength in hands.
Hope this helps.