7yr old boy can't cope with change or Mum going out

[officewidow]

I am trying to help a friend who's otherwise perfectly normal 7yr old ds has a complete inability to cope with any change. He won't go to birthday parties, won't go into his new classroom willingly, won't go to school clubs if there's a stand in teacher. He has a meltdown if his parents go out in the evening despite the babysitter being a much loved family member and needs to be physically held back so his poor mum can walk out the door. We know he doesn't want to be like this, but he doesn't seem able to just shake it off Does anyone else here have experience of this kind of behaviour, or ideas on where they could go for help? He is a lovely little boy but sadly is starting to miss out on new opportunities and experiences.

my DD was a bit like this - always but got worse around 6/7 years of age. Not so much the change of scenery but didn't like to go anywhere without me. When I spent 24 hours in hosp having DC#2 she pined and cried for the whole time. It got to where I wouldn't go out (she wasn't so bothered about her dad going out) just to avoid the guilt. We tried counselling (useless for us), reassurance (long and hard to see if there's a reaction) and a book called "what to do if you worry too much" (from Amazon) as my dd worried something would happen to me or her if we weren't together. She's now 11 and heaps better. She probably improved around 9/9.5 yrs and it was only when someone pointed out that she was calmer that I realised! So much worry and it disappeared without me realising. I would say the book was the most help as she had something tangible to turn to. She might also have been helped by being given her dad's old mobile so she could text me when out - she rang me from it for the very first time this weekend so didn't abuse the fact that she could in a pinch ring me.

Thanks, I have googled the book and it looks great. I will mention this to my friend and see if she thinks it can help.

My dd, about to turn 8 is just like this. Will not go to after school clubs, she will go to ones in school time, just not after. Won't let me leave her at kids parties. Won't go to people's houses to play or for tea, sleepovers are totally out the question.
She makes a fuss when I go out at all, even asks where I'm going if it's just into the conservatory.

Like your friends, I feel she's starting to miss out on clubs and things that I know for a fact she would enjoy. She just doesn't dare to go.

New experiences scare her too much, yet it's things like school plays, that she dreads, that she ends up liking the most, which she had admitted to me recently.

That book sounds good, it does sound like although it might not help her immediately, she might relate to it.

I'm just hoping she gets braver as time passes.

Your OP describes my DD1 when she was 7 perfectly. She was otherwise just quite shy and sensitive but not enough to cause anyone serious concern.

She was diagnosed with AS when she was 12 and still experiencing the same difficulties.

Lots of warning about any possible change would probably help him. If his Mum is going out she could give him a timetable of the evening detailing everything from the end of school onwards. She should include times things will happen and make sure they are stuck to. That should help feel like there is more control over the change and make him feel less anxious.

If they feel like it is really detrimental to his well-being or stopping him living a normal life they can ask their GP for a referral to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service who can offer assessment and strategies to help.

Thanks Goldmandra. Will pass this on xx