Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Only wants Daddy

6 replies

LittlePink · 21/10/2013 09:53

This problem has gone on since LO was 10 mths old and shes 16 mths old now. In the week shes fine with me but as soon as daddy comes home in the evenings and especially at weekends she becomes so attached to him its disturbing. She wont let me do anything for her, she wont let me hold her or play with her and it makes me feel so rejected and hurt. Its so hard not to take it personally but if shes hurt or sad or ill she only wants him and I cant do anything to settle her. She holds her arms out to him and wriggles and writhes around in my arms and screams to get back to him, then she sits in his arms looking so miserable and moody.

She was ill at the weekend with a high temp and she only wanted daddy. It was so hard because all I wanted to do was to hold her and comfort her but she didn't want me. Whenever she falls and hurts herself I run to her to pick her up and she just arches her back and screams hysterically until her dad picks her up and she instantly calms down.

I just don't know what ive done wrong to make her like this. I feel like its all my fault and even start thinking did I give up BFing too early? Is it because she had a traumatic delivery? Is there something about me she doesnt like? Ive read that's its a normal part of development to have parent preference and it will swing back round to the other parent eventually but its gone on for 6 months now, every single weekend, evening and any holidays he has. I dread him being at home because she will be so miserable and reject me the whole time. I feel like she just tolerates me in the week as im her main caregiver but the one she really wants is her dad.

Ive read so much on this subject on the internet over the months and ive read all the different theories but in reality its heart breaking and I fear she will be like this forever and always prefer her dad to me.

He finds it overwhelming and stressful as he cant go anywhere or do anything without holding her. In theory its great for me because I can leave a room, go out, have time on my own and she doesn't cry for me, she just waves me off but I find it heart breaking for all of us when shes so traumatised by him putting her down. I never expected it to be like this when I always dreamed of having children, I never expected to be shunned and unwanted by own baby. It doesn't feel normal, especially when I see other babies attached to their mums. My LO has no jealously issues when I hold other babies, she couldn't care less.

Does anyone have any experience of this? Or ideas? Or advice? Reading it back it sounds like im being selfish and should be happy she loves her dad so much but this is just 6 months of upset coming out, sorry for the long post!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
CoteDAzur · 21/10/2013 09:55

Enjoy while it lasts.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 21/10/2013 10:04

It's nothing you have done.

Children do this, they go through these phases.

She will grow out of it, I promise.

LittlePink · 21/10/2013 10:07

I know I should coteDAzur! I keep telling myself this but its not easy when every weekend is so intense.

OP posts:
LittlePink · 21/10/2013 10:13

Is it normal for a phase to last this long though?

OP posts:
UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 21/10/2013 10:39

DD only wanted me for about a year (DH was SAHP), then she switched to him.

The fact that she is fine with you when he's not there means that she does love you, be reassured.

Don't pander to her, take turns with her even when your DH is there, even if she screams.

Scunnilingus · 21/10/2013 10:40

It's nothing you've done. My DS2 was just the same as this. Started when he was about 11 months and he would just whinge the second Daddy came home for all his attention, would cry if he didn't pick him up STRAIGHT away, cried if he walked a few feet away from him, God forbid DH should go to the toilet! It was hard because DS1 must have felt pushed out or distanced from his Dad because DS2 was SO demanding of his time and attention. It used to hurt me when I'd go to pick DS2 out his highchair or take him from DH and he'd just scream and cry Sad . I felt crap because DS1 was the total opposite and just wanted me constantly.

However, DS2 is now 21 months and is a lot more reasonable! He still gets whingy when DH first comes in from work and does expect to be picked up by him but he will be put down after a few minutes and will come to me without screaming now. I felt like I'd failed DS2 and he hated me but of course he didn't, it was just a phase. Probably because Daddy was away all day and was more of a novelty and also because he was so secure knowing I wasn't going to leave wheras he was more insecure around DH because he LEAVES FOR HOURS AT A TIME (which probably seems like days to a baby!) !!!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page